Thursday, April 13, 2017

Hiding Your Secret Habits

While it's relatively easy to hide your shoplifting from the outside world, your friends and family will notice if you start dressing in designer clothes and eating all name brand organic foods while you work at mcd0n@ld$ and spend almost your entire pay check on rent. You need to make sure you can keep up your presentation while you hide the fact that you are living on stolen goods. Here is a lost of some ways you can do so.

1. Volunteer.
No one is going to think that precious little Susie who volunteers at the senior center is a shoplifter. And darling little Steven who helps out at the preschool could never be the one stealing. Go around your town and help where you can. The elementary school is having a volunteer egg hunt for Easter? Steal a couple bags of candy and help fill the eggs for the kids. Food pantry needs over the counter medicine to distribute? Steal a purse full of aspirin and cough drops and donate them. Make sure everyone knows what a great person you are.

2. Don't be super obvious that you have a lot of new stuff.
A couple close friends or relatives might notice your new vase or a new pair of shoes, but EVERYONE will notice if you're entire house is redecorated in high-end shit every other week. Instead of displaying large amounts of the stolen goods that will look out of place (for example, expensive silk bedding on a thrift store mattress, name brand high-end personal hygiene products in a shitty looking bathroom, real leather wallet in a pr@d@ purse holding your food stamp card, etc), display an item or two once in a while and make a big deal about your "splurge." Talk about how much it cost and how long you had to save up to be able to afford it, etc. Act like you just wanted something nice to gift to yourself. Just don't get carried away or else people will step in to try to "help with your spending problem." Only show off one or two "treats" you got yourself every couple weeks or so. This way it will look like a fun little "splurge" and not a "shopping addiction."

3. Don't steal all name brand expensive stuff.
Almost everyone has some nice things, whether the things be a certain food that they only eat if it's name brand, or if they only wear n!ke'$ and would faint at the thought of wearing w@lm@rt shoes. Whatever it is that you specifically want to be the higher-end brand, just make sure you keep up appearances. If you live in a piece of shit trailer in the scummy part of town, then don't have your whole place decorated in leather and gold plating. It's better to get nice clothes and shoes so when you go out of town no one will suspect you as someone who steals, because nice clothes and shoes means you (probably) have money. Get name brand foods and mix them in with the normal, everyday "poor people" foods. You know the foods I mean; doll@r $t0re brand cereal, w@lm@rt brand milk, whatever. If you want, keep the empty packaging from the cheap shit and just refill it with the name brand stuff. Pour the pep$i into a d0ll@r store brand cola bottle, put the bag of fr00t l00p$ in the w@lm@rt brand "fruity wheels" box, etc. This way if anyone looks in your cabinets for a snack, they will assume you can only afford the shitty poor person food. And you probably only need to buy (or steal) the poor people shit once, just keep reusing the packaging as long as it hasn't been years and the product has a "new look" in the stores. Check once in a while to make sure your packaging is still convincing.

4. Appear as if you are making enough money to afford the things you steal.
Tell people that you took a second job out of town and now you're bringing in insane amounts of money every week. Talk about how great the pay is, but describe it as a really shitty job that is too hard. This way, no one will try to "get a job working with you" but they'll still think that you have a good income. Just be careful, because if someone finds out that you're lying, they'll think you have a spending problem and try to step in and "help."


                                                               IllegalExpertGirl

1 comment:

  1. Don't take this as moralizing because I've been there, but think about this: How much shit can you steal before the risk of serious jail time becomes an issue (or, once you no longer enjoy the benefit of a juvenile record soon to be sealed)? How much more money can you make by finding a skill you like that allows you to get a decent job? I'm just saying, you shouldn't need to do a whole psyop about how you obtained your stuff -- because your stuff shouldn't be so expensive that it's hard to believe you bought it yourself, or else you're absconding with WAY too much value and you probably need to tone it down. It's true what that AP guy said, they'll add it all up and hit you with it all at once.

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