Spring/Summer
1. Since it will look suspicious if you wear a hoodie or something, just wear normal warm weather clothes. In summer, big bags will look less suspicious. You can dress like you are just getting supplies to go on vacation or something; shorts, flipflops, big tote bag to hold your "sunscreen", whatever. Sunglasses look less questionable in summer too, since it is sunny and warm all the time.
2. You can wear baggy shorts with tight compression shorts underneath. If you can, get a jumpsuit that's very tight, and wear it under you normal clothes. Just don't wear normal clothes that are too tight or sheer, or else they will show the outlines of any concealed items. No one suspects the person wearing small amounts of clothing as being the one hiding things in their clothes. Just don't keep any stolen items in the outer pockets of your clothes, because if you are caught, you will be told to empty them. If your pockets are empty and they can't find anything in your bag, they will ALMOST always let you go. I say almost always because if they recognize you as a past shoplifter, the will probably call the cops and have them search you more thoroughly than the employees are allowed to.
3. Grow your hair out (if you are a girl.) Long hair on a guy usually makes them look like a typical "bum" or "hood rat" and that will make you stand out to any LP's. But long hair on a girl is more accepted in our society, so grow it out long and use it to your advantage. Not only can long hair "casually" block your face from the cameras and whatnot, but if put up in a messy bun or something, you can hide items in your hair. you can steal a new pack of bobby pins by simply slipping them into your hair and hiding them. No one will really question if someone with 3 feet of hair has a bunch of bobby pins in it, if they can even see them at all. If you can, steal some of the "hair and nail" gummy vitamins (or normal vitamins if you can handle swallowing pills) and use them to grow your hair faster. Also, crushing up prenatal vitamin pills into your shampoo is said to make your hair grow a lot faster when used alongside the hair and nail vitamins. The sooner your hair grows long, the sooner you can use it to hide items. I have stolen an expensive set of ponytail holders (not the cheap dollar store ones, but the high quality $8 a pack ones) by putting most of them around a ponytail, and then covering them with a messy bun. Also, having a lot of hair clips, brushes, whatever on you when you have long hair seems more convincing than someone with shorter hair. If you have a couple dozen hair brushes in your purse that you planned on taking so you can boost them, but your head is pretty much shaved, then you will not get away with it, unless you can somehow prove that you really like brushing your naked scalp. Also, most guys find long hair "sexier" than short hair, so if you decide that you are going to try to seduce the cop into letting you go, it is better to have long hair that you can flip around, twirl on your fingers, etc.
Fall/Winter
1. Use the weather to your advantage. No one questions a hoodie when it's snowing. So go in with a big baggy hoodie on, and layer on stolen clothes, items in random pockets, etc. Also, no employee is going to want to be the one running after you outside in the cold and risk slipping and falling on the ice. For the shitty minimum wage pay that most big store employees make, they will most likely let you go so they don't have to leave the warmth of the store. You can wear hats, big boots, and heavy coats in cold weather, so you have a lot more places to hide items. Boots can hold smaller items like makeup, small packages of food, jewelry, etc. You can tuck small, flat items in the hat (depending on how bulky/thick it is), and heavy coats will hide the outlines of the items you have concealed. You can also cut little slits into the inner lining of the pockets or the inside of the coat so you can stuff it full of items.
2. Cups will hide items. No one thinks twice about someone carrying a big cup of coffee or hot chocolate or tea when it's -10 degrees outside. You can stash items in the empty cup, and just walk out with your "drink". Just don't overdo it. If the lid barely goes back on because of how full it is, people will stop you. And be careful of ripping the cup by overfilling it or putting a sharp object in it, like earrings, knives, etc. If you can, carry a large plastic reusable mug (not metal, because things rattle loudly against metal containers). This way, it is more sturdy and will probably hold more items than a paper cup from some random coffee shop.
3. Keep your car running if you don't plan on being long. If it's cold, leaving your car on just seems like you want it to stay warm while you grab something. Once you have everything packed up and ready to go, you can kind of jog out of the store "because of the cold/snow" and hurry up and throw everything in your car and drive off. Also, someone may make an announcement that your car is running, and this will give you an excuse to go out, dump your haul, and go back in without looking suspicious. This way, you can get a double haul without being questioned on why you keep going in and out of the store.
Know the typical dress of the season, and use it to your advantage.
IllegalExpertGirl
Monday, January 30, 2017
Random tips (shoplifting, pick-pocketing, dine and dash, whatever)
Here is a list of random tips and tricks I have found/come up with that will help you significantly.
1. Pick-pocketing:
Learn how to pick-pocket. With some practice, it is fairly easy to do. Start out doing it as a "prank" with your friends, and once you get good at it, branch out to other people. And remember that pick-pocketing doesn't only refer to reaching into someone's pockets and stealing their wallets. Pick-pocketing can also mean distracting someone while you steal their phones out of their bags, stealing their credit cards out of the ATM, or casually taking someone's purse from under their chair. Just be careful, because some people will take precautions against pick-pockets. One way is to keep the straps of their purse around their arms or their foot. If you are good enough, you will be able to just pull the straps off of their leg and take the bag.
2. Learn how to manually reset a phone without having the password.
This is a good skill to learn. I have learned how to do this, not because I stole someone's phone, but because I forgot my phone password and I couldn't get in to reset it from the settings app. If you manage to steal someone's phone, then you most likely won't have the password. There are many online tutorials on how to factory reset a phone without knowing the password. Most videos claim to be for someone who "forgot their password" or someone "changed the password" without them knowing. But you can use these videos/articles to reset a stolen phone. Most people (especially people who use prepaid phones or those who have had their phones for a while) don't remember the serial number, and most people keep their GPS turned off unless they are going somewhere. So in that case, don't steal from someone who looks like a typical "tourist", because they will likely still have their GPS on and then the cops can track where you take the phone until you reset it. You will most likely need Wifi to reset the phone, so make sure you do it at McD0n@ld's or something. DO NOT TAKE IT HOME TO RESET IT! If someone realizes it is missing soon enough and begins tracking it, you will lead the cops directly to your house. Do it in the bathroom at a fast food place that has free Wifi, so that if the cops do manage to track it to the location, you can hide it up in the toilet paper dispenser, or behind the toilet, or down in the trash can wrapped in toilet paper. Once the cops leave, you can go back in, finish the reset (if you haven't already), claim your prize, and get out before they figure out what you are up to. Once the phone is reset, you can either keep it for your own use, or sell it. Just be careful, especially if you sell it on F@ceb00k or something. Try to get a good look at the face of the person you stole the phone from, and if it's the same person in the profile picture, then don't sell it to them. If you do, they will get the phone, and they could realize that it is their stolen phone and call the cops on you. Creep on the profiles of everyone who makes an offer on the phone. If they are friends with the person you stole the phone from, they may tell the person that you took it. And beware of "new" profiles. If you look at the profile of someone and there's next to nothing on it, or else there is only their one picture and no friends, then they are likely an undercover cop, or a scammer who is trying to steal the phone from you. If someone asks to meet up to get the phone, DON'T DO IT. You could either be getting set up for an arrest, or someone could steal the phone from you. Ship the phone to the person from an anonymous address, like the house of a random person or a PO box that is in someone else's name. This will protect your identity from the authorities.
3. DON'T GET CONFIDENT!
I know I've said it many times before, but seriously, always question yourself. Let yourself be scared. Be paranoid that everyone is watching you. If you get too cocky and confident with your abilities, you will start to fuck up. You should be as cautious as you were the first time you stole. In most cases, you only took an item or two from a small store, and for weeks after you were expecting every knock at the door to be the cops coming to arrest you. Keep this mindset of fear and caution every time you steal. It's better to take 5 hours stealing from 5 stores and getting away with it than it is to hit 5 stores in 2 hours and get caught. Take your time. If you rush, you won't realize if you are being followed. If you are being followed in the mall and half a dozen items go missing from every store you go into, then there will be more than enough evidence to incriminate you.
4. Always have a scapegoat.
It sucks when someone gets caught and blames you. It benefits you more to be able to blame someone else than to be the one blamed. There's a chance that both of you will get caught, but in that case the charges will be split between the two of you, making the charges that would have been a felony theft split into two misdemeanor theft charges. Not only will you be charged with a lesser crime, but the fines and other costs will be a lot less than if it were just you. To prevent being the scapegoat, don't walk in with someone you are going to steal with. Come in different vehicles. If you ride in the same car or walk in together, then you will be charged with helping the person shoplift even if you didn't do anything. If you come in separately and in different vehicles, you can just say that it was a coincidence that you saw each other in the store and that you had no idea that they were shoplifting. Pretend that you are completely innocent. Cry if you have to, say that you had no idea they were "that kind" of person, act like you are so disappointed in them. You want to bring your own vehicle, because after bailing on someone like that, they most likely won't give you a ride home. Also, if you do get away with shoplifting but someone tries to chase you after you leave, it is harder to get a good description of two separate cars than it is with just one.
5. If you do get caught, don't worry about it too much, especially if it's your first time.
There is no point in getting worked up and upset, because it won't change the charges against you. At this point, when you are released from the store, just either go home or go to another store. On the drive to wherever you plan on going, think about what happened that you got caught. Did you rush? Did you forget to look around? Did you go with someone new who might have tattled? Did you do everything perfectly, but it just wasn't your lucky day? Think about what lead to you getting caught, and think about what you did differently before when you got away with it. If you think you can get away with it, go to another store and shoplift. Often, if you get a good haul from a different store, then you won't feel as worried about the charges from getting caught. Sometimes, getting caught is just what you need to tell you that you are getting too cocky. Also, if you carefully continue shoplifting even while on probation, it will be easier to get back into it once you are no longer being supervised. If you go from shoplifting every time you go out to not at all for almost a year, you will lose your hard earned skills. If you later choose to try shoplifting again, it will be much harder because you will forget all of the basic skills, and beginners get caught a lot easier than someone who knows what they are doing. Try to shoplift an item or two once in a while so you don't completely regress to a beginner level. Just don't go to stores around where you got caught. Often, if someone gets caught at one store, their picture will be distributed to all of the stores in the area so that you don't get away with it again. This is why you don't shoplift close to home. You don't want to have to drive mile and miles to get groceries just because you are banned from your local We!s store.
6. Have some connections in the system.
Are your parents prominent members of high-class groups in the area? Is your cousin the cop that comes to arrest you? Make sure you use these to your advantage. It is easier to try to talk your family/friends to let you go with a warning than it is to have some hard-ass random cop let you go. Also if the cop is some fat ass, don't make a run for it. You may think that the fat guy can't catch you if you take off, and you're right, but you most likely won't get away with it. If you try to run from a skinny cop, they will chase you and tackle you. But if you run from a fat cop, they will shoot you because they are well aware that their lard ass can't catch you by running. There's really no point in adding charges/risking your life just because you got caught.
7. Play the system.
If you live with someone else, use whoever has the lowest income as the main "breadwinner" when applying for assistance like food stamps. And make sure there is only one income listed. One person makes the money with taxes and everything taken off (you know, the taxes that pay to fund food stamps) and everyone else works under the table. Babysit, dog walk, clean houses, work on family farms, whatever. Just make sure all of the money is not taxed and untraceable. Make money off of simple things that no one would really question. If you already have kids of your own, then babysit. You can make money just by doing what you already do. If you have dogs, then walk other people's dogs when you take your's out. Just don't make an actual rate for your labor. If you have a specific charge (for example, $10 bucks per dog every day they are walked, etc), then you will be considered a "real" business and you will have to get insurance and pay taxes on your earnings. Instead, have an asked donation (like $20 or "however much they can pay"), so that if someone pays you, it is considered pretty much a gift, and gifts aren't taxable. Also, if you shoplift for groceries, your food stamps will go much farther. Why pay $5 for a little bag of shrimp when you could get it for free. Also, go to food pantries. You can get decent food for free. You can also list people who don't live with you so that you get more food. Just be careful; food banks don't usually check to make sure you are telling the truth, but if you claim that 20 people live in a 1 bedroom apartment, then they will most likely send someone to check.
Have fun, and fuck the authorities!
IllegalExpertGirl
1. Pick-pocketing:
Learn how to pick-pocket. With some practice, it is fairly easy to do. Start out doing it as a "prank" with your friends, and once you get good at it, branch out to other people. And remember that pick-pocketing doesn't only refer to reaching into someone's pockets and stealing their wallets. Pick-pocketing can also mean distracting someone while you steal their phones out of their bags, stealing their credit cards out of the ATM, or casually taking someone's purse from under their chair. Just be careful, because some people will take precautions against pick-pockets. One way is to keep the straps of their purse around their arms or their foot. If you are good enough, you will be able to just pull the straps off of their leg and take the bag.
2. Learn how to manually reset a phone without having the password.
This is a good skill to learn. I have learned how to do this, not because I stole someone's phone, but because I forgot my phone password and I couldn't get in to reset it from the settings app. If you manage to steal someone's phone, then you most likely won't have the password. There are many online tutorials on how to factory reset a phone without knowing the password. Most videos claim to be for someone who "forgot their password" or someone "changed the password" without them knowing. But you can use these videos/articles to reset a stolen phone. Most people (especially people who use prepaid phones or those who have had their phones for a while) don't remember the serial number, and most people keep their GPS turned off unless they are going somewhere. So in that case, don't steal from someone who looks like a typical "tourist", because they will likely still have their GPS on and then the cops can track where you take the phone until you reset it. You will most likely need Wifi to reset the phone, so make sure you do it at McD0n@ld's or something. DO NOT TAKE IT HOME TO RESET IT! If someone realizes it is missing soon enough and begins tracking it, you will lead the cops directly to your house. Do it in the bathroom at a fast food place that has free Wifi, so that if the cops do manage to track it to the location, you can hide it up in the toilet paper dispenser, or behind the toilet, or down in the trash can wrapped in toilet paper. Once the cops leave, you can go back in, finish the reset (if you haven't already), claim your prize, and get out before they figure out what you are up to. Once the phone is reset, you can either keep it for your own use, or sell it. Just be careful, especially if you sell it on F@ceb00k or something. Try to get a good look at the face of the person you stole the phone from, and if it's the same person in the profile picture, then don't sell it to them. If you do, they will get the phone, and they could realize that it is their stolen phone and call the cops on you. Creep on the profiles of everyone who makes an offer on the phone. If they are friends with the person you stole the phone from, they may tell the person that you took it. And beware of "new" profiles. If you look at the profile of someone and there's next to nothing on it, or else there is only their one picture and no friends, then they are likely an undercover cop, or a scammer who is trying to steal the phone from you. If someone asks to meet up to get the phone, DON'T DO IT. You could either be getting set up for an arrest, or someone could steal the phone from you. Ship the phone to the person from an anonymous address, like the house of a random person or a PO box that is in someone else's name. This will protect your identity from the authorities.
3. DON'T GET CONFIDENT!
I know I've said it many times before, but seriously, always question yourself. Let yourself be scared. Be paranoid that everyone is watching you. If you get too cocky and confident with your abilities, you will start to fuck up. You should be as cautious as you were the first time you stole. In most cases, you only took an item or two from a small store, and for weeks after you were expecting every knock at the door to be the cops coming to arrest you. Keep this mindset of fear and caution every time you steal. It's better to take 5 hours stealing from 5 stores and getting away with it than it is to hit 5 stores in 2 hours and get caught. Take your time. If you rush, you won't realize if you are being followed. If you are being followed in the mall and half a dozen items go missing from every store you go into, then there will be more than enough evidence to incriminate you.
4. Always have a scapegoat.
It sucks when someone gets caught and blames you. It benefits you more to be able to blame someone else than to be the one blamed. There's a chance that both of you will get caught, but in that case the charges will be split between the two of you, making the charges that would have been a felony theft split into two misdemeanor theft charges. Not only will you be charged with a lesser crime, but the fines and other costs will be a lot less than if it were just you. To prevent being the scapegoat, don't walk in with someone you are going to steal with. Come in different vehicles. If you ride in the same car or walk in together, then you will be charged with helping the person shoplift even if you didn't do anything. If you come in separately and in different vehicles, you can just say that it was a coincidence that you saw each other in the store and that you had no idea that they were shoplifting. Pretend that you are completely innocent. Cry if you have to, say that you had no idea they were "that kind" of person, act like you are so disappointed in them. You want to bring your own vehicle, because after bailing on someone like that, they most likely won't give you a ride home. Also, if you do get away with shoplifting but someone tries to chase you after you leave, it is harder to get a good description of two separate cars than it is with just one.
5. If you do get caught, don't worry about it too much, especially if it's your first time.
There is no point in getting worked up and upset, because it won't change the charges against you. At this point, when you are released from the store, just either go home or go to another store. On the drive to wherever you plan on going, think about what happened that you got caught. Did you rush? Did you forget to look around? Did you go with someone new who might have tattled? Did you do everything perfectly, but it just wasn't your lucky day? Think about what lead to you getting caught, and think about what you did differently before when you got away with it. If you think you can get away with it, go to another store and shoplift. Often, if you get a good haul from a different store, then you won't feel as worried about the charges from getting caught. Sometimes, getting caught is just what you need to tell you that you are getting too cocky. Also, if you carefully continue shoplifting even while on probation, it will be easier to get back into it once you are no longer being supervised. If you go from shoplifting every time you go out to not at all for almost a year, you will lose your hard earned skills. If you later choose to try shoplifting again, it will be much harder because you will forget all of the basic skills, and beginners get caught a lot easier than someone who knows what they are doing. Try to shoplift an item or two once in a while so you don't completely regress to a beginner level. Just don't go to stores around where you got caught. Often, if someone gets caught at one store, their picture will be distributed to all of the stores in the area so that you don't get away with it again. This is why you don't shoplift close to home. You don't want to have to drive mile and miles to get groceries just because you are banned from your local We!s store.
6. Have some connections in the system.
Are your parents prominent members of high-class groups in the area? Is your cousin the cop that comes to arrest you? Make sure you use these to your advantage. It is easier to try to talk your family/friends to let you go with a warning than it is to have some hard-ass random cop let you go. Also if the cop is some fat ass, don't make a run for it. You may think that the fat guy can't catch you if you take off, and you're right, but you most likely won't get away with it. If you try to run from a skinny cop, they will chase you and tackle you. But if you run from a fat cop, they will shoot you because they are well aware that their lard ass can't catch you by running. There's really no point in adding charges/risking your life just because you got caught.
7. Play the system.
If you live with someone else, use whoever has the lowest income as the main "breadwinner" when applying for assistance like food stamps. And make sure there is only one income listed. One person makes the money with taxes and everything taken off (you know, the taxes that pay to fund food stamps) and everyone else works under the table. Babysit, dog walk, clean houses, work on family farms, whatever. Just make sure all of the money is not taxed and untraceable. Make money off of simple things that no one would really question. If you already have kids of your own, then babysit. You can make money just by doing what you already do. If you have dogs, then walk other people's dogs when you take your's out. Just don't make an actual rate for your labor. If you have a specific charge (for example, $10 bucks per dog every day they are walked, etc), then you will be considered a "real" business and you will have to get insurance and pay taxes on your earnings. Instead, have an asked donation (like $20 or "however much they can pay"), so that if someone pays you, it is considered pretty much a gift, and gifts aren't taxable. Also, if you shoplift for groceries, your food stamps will go much farther. Why pay $5 for a little bag of shrimp when you could get it for free. Also, go to food pantries. You can get decent food for free. You can also list people who don't live with you so that you get more food. Just be careful; food banks don't usually check to make sure you are telling the truth, but if you claim that 20 people live in a 1 bedroom apartment, then they will most likely send someone to check.
Have fun, and fuck the authorities!
IllegalExpertGirl
Friday, January 27, 2017
Shoplifting Tips
1. Act as if you have the full intention of buying. Check out the sales racks as if that's the best deal you can get. Look at prices and sizes. Compare brands. Check nutrition facts. Just act like you do when you are actually buying things.
2. No crazy makeup. There's nothing wrong with enjoying having a full face done, but when you are shoplifting, you want to look as boring and average as possible. This means no neon eye shadow or black lipstick, unless you are going into a makeup store, in which case makeup would look less suspicious than none. It is better to keep your makeup looking natural, while still changing your face enough to avoid being recognized.
3. Keep your hair out of your face. If you have all of your hair over your face, then you might as well be wearing a ski mask and have a money bag over your shoulder. Keep your hair away from your face, either pulled back in a bun/ponytail or just with a headband or clip. Remember, the goal is not to leave the store without being apprehended, the goal is to leave without anyone knowing that something has been taken. If you have done the job properly, then there is no risk in having your face showing.
4. No flashy statement accessories or clothes. Don't wear neon colors or big bold patterns. Don't wear unique things like frog earrings or big chunky bracelets. Wear something like simple pants or jeans, a grey shirt, and whatever shoes are appropriate for the weather. You want to look put together without standing out.
5. Wear clothes that are in season and tight! No one suspects that someone in form-fitting clothes carrying a small bag is stealing anything. After all, where could they conceal something? If it's the middle of a heat wave and you walk in wearing a sweatshirt, you are already being watched.
6. Get a bag that looks small from the outside but is large on the inside. I have a bag that looks like a child's size bag from the outside, but can hold all of my everyday crap and whatever I decide to lift as well. Huge bags draw attention.
7. Have an "attention" hand and a "concealment" hand. Paint your nails with sparkly nail polish on one hand, and keep the other either bare or neutral colored. Wear flashy rings on the one hand, but none on the other. Shiny things draw attention, so people's eyes will be drawn to the shiny hand while the other hand can quietly conceal items without being noticed.
8. Don't pay too much attention to other people or cameras. If you jump at every movement or hide from every single camera you see, then you will be caught. Calm yourself down, take a break and listen to some music or sit in the bathroom for a few minutes. Once you are calm, go back out and do what you have to do.
9. If you act awkward when you are nervous, then you shouldn't be shoplifting. I'm sorry to say it, but some people just can't do it no matter what they do because they are too paranoid of getting caught. If you have to, take a hot shower before you go out, drink some warm tea, listen to soothing music on the way to the store, do whatever it takes to calm down. If you start to get nervous and overwhelmed, take a break and recover yourself. Don't walk too quickly, don't fidget, don't overdo it with your hands, don't jump at sounds or movement. Calm down and mellow yourself out.
10. Don't spend too much time handling the item you plan to steal. If you spend half an hour messing with one thing of lipstick, then this gives the LP more time to spot you with the merchandise and become suspicious of what you plan on doing with it. Take the item, walk a little, check around, and conceal.
11. Don't carry items that will get you caught. No one is going to question why you have a pair of nail clippers or a small pair of cosmetic scissors in your purse, but if you have pliers, craft knives, or the bag is a "booster bag", AKA a bag lined with tinfoil to keep the alarms from detecting any security devices, then you are screwed if you get caught. You can explain a that you always have nail clippers/scissors in your purse, but no one is going to believe that you carry the entire hardware store in your bag all the time.
12. Listen while you are lifting. Do you notice the static of a walkie-talkie in the next aisle everywhere you go? If so, you are probably being followed while you shoplift. If someone is walking around near you seemingly everywhere you go, listen closely. Try to get as close to them as you can, and listen very closely. They will probably have their talkie turned down very low, but not off. Listen to hear if there are very faint static sounds coming from them. If so, drop everything and get the fuck out.
IllegalExpertGirl
2. No crazy makeup. There's nothing wrong with enjoying having a full face done, but when you are shoplifting, you want to look as boring and average as possible. This means no neon eye shadow or black lipstick, unless you are going into a makeup store, in which case makeup would look less suspicious than none. It is better to keep your makeup looking natural, while still changing your face enough to avoid being recognized.
3. Keep your hair out of your face. If you have all of your hair over your face, then you might as well be wearing a ski mask and have a money bag over your shoulder. Keep your hair away from your face, either pulled back in a bun/ponytail or just with a headband or clip. Remember, the goal is not to leave the store without being apprehended, the goal is to leave without anyone knowing that something has been taken. If you have done the job properly, then there is no risk in having your face showing.
4. No flashy statement accessories or clothes. Don't wear neon colors or big bold patterns. Don't wear unique things like frog earrings or big chunky bracelets. Wear something like simple pants or jeans, a grey shirt, and whatever shoes are appropriate for the weather. You want to look put together without standing out.
5. Wear clothes that are in season and tight! No one suspects that someone in form-fitting clothes carrying a small bag is stealing anything. After all, where could they conceal something? If it's the middle of a heat wave and you walk in wearing a sweatshirt, you are already being watched.
6. Get a bag that looks small from the outside but is large on the inside. I have a bag that looks like a child's size bag from the outside, but can hold all of my everyday crap and whatever I decide to lift as well. Huge bags draw attention.
7. Have an "attention" hand and a "concealment" hand. Paint your nails with sparkly nail polish on one hand, and keep the other either bare or neutral colored. Wear flashy rings on the one hand, but none on the other. Shiny things draw attention, so people's eyes will be drawn to the shiny hand while the other hand can quietly conceal items without being noticed.
8. Don't pay too much attention to other people or cameras. If you jump at every movement or hide from every single camera you see, then you will be caught. Calm yourself down, take a break and listen to some music or sit in the bathroom for a few minutes. Once you are calm, go back out and do what you have to do.
9. If you act awkward when you are nervous, then you shouldn't be shoplifting. I'm sorry to say it, but some people just can't do it no matter what they do because they are too paranoid of getting caught. If you have to, take a hot shower before you go out, drink some warm tea, listen to soothing music on the way to the store, do whatever it takes to calm down. If you start to get nervous and overwhelmed, take a break and recover yourself. Don't walk too quickly, don't fidget, don't overdo it with your hands, don't jump at sounds or movement. Calm down and mellow yourself out.
10. Don't spend too much time handling the item you plan to steal. If you spend half an hour messing with one thing of lipstick, then this gives the LP more time to spot you with the merchandise and become suspicious of what you plan on doing with it. Take the item, walk a little, check around, and conceal.
11. Don't carry items that will get you caught. No one is going to question why you have a pair of nail clippers or a small pair of cosmetic scissors in your purse, but if you have pliers, craft knives, or the bag is a "booster bag", AKA a bag lined with tinfoil to keep the alarms from detecting any security devices, then you are screwed if you get caught. You can explain a that you always have nail clippers/scissors in your purse, but no one is going to believe that you carry the entire hardware store in your bag all the time.
12. Listen while you are lifting. Do you notice the static of a walkie-talkie in the next aisle everywhere you go? If so, you are probably being followed while you shoplift. If someone is walking around near you seemingly everywhere you go, listen closely. Try to get as close to them as you can, and listen very closely. They will probably have their talkie turned down very low, but not off. Listen to hear if there are very faint static sounds coming from them. If so, drop everything and get the fuck out.
IllegalExpertGirl
What Potential LP's Look Like: Shoplifting
If you observe your surroundings, then LP's will stick out like they have a giant blinking arrow over their head. If someone doesn't fit in quite right or if they seem to be following you, then watch out.
1. Guys in "girls" stores and girls in "guys" stores. If there is a guy hanging around you in Vict0ri@'s Secret or somewhere similar, always suspect him as an LP. If a girl is seemingly following you in H0me Dep0t or somewhere similar, then suspect her as an LP. I understand that people have different interests, and not everyone who sticks out is an LP, but LP's tend to stand out if the store didn't think through their plans to prevent theft.
2. If you think you are being followed, go in a dressing room. Leave something little like a bra or shirt. Leave the dressing room, and in a minute or two go back to "retrieve the item." Is someone else rushing to get in there? Could be an LP.
3. If you are concealing in a dressing room, be aware if someone goes in the stall right next to your own, especially if it's not very busy. If there is a gap under the walls, check their feet. Are they moving around, or are they just standing/sitting there? If they aren't moving or they are trying on the same shirt for 10 minutes, then try to get a glimpse of their face or at least remember their shoes. If the same person is lurking around you somewhere else, then it could be an LP.
4. Go to a random section of the store. Shuffle through a stack of clothes, and fold a few as if you concealed something in them. Then watch out of the corner of your eye as you walk away. Does someone immediately go up and dig through the exact same pile that you had just looked at? Could be an LP.
5. Do they get in line behind you? Not just a random person, but someone who has been checking your dressing room, following you, or constantly on their phone watching you? Could be an LP.
This could save you from arrest, a ride in the back of a cop car, fines, probation, community service, and court fees.
Watch your back, anyone could be an LP.
IllegalExpertGirl
1. Guys in "girls" stores and girls in "guys" stores. If there is a guy hanging around you in Vict0ri@'s Secret or somewhere similar, always suspect him as an LP. If a girl is seemingly following you in H0me Dep0t or somewhere similar, then suspect her as an LP. I understand that people have different interests, and not everyone who sticks out is an LP, but LP's tend to stand out if the store didn't think through their plans to prevent theft.
2. If you think you are being followed, go in a dressing room. Leave something little like a bra or shirt. Leave the dressing room, and in a minute or two go back to "retrieve the item." Is someone else rushing to get in there? Could be an LP.
3. If you are concealing in a dressing room, be aware if someone goes in the stall right next to your own, especially if it's not very busy. If there is a gap under the walls, check their feet. Are they moving around, or are they just standing/sitting there? If they aren't moving or they are trying on the same shirt for 10 minutes, then try to get a glimpse of their face or at least remember their shoes. If the same person is lurking around you somewhere else, then it could be an LP.
4. Go to a random section of the store. Shuffle through a stack of clothes, and fold a few as if you concealed something in them. Then watch out of the corner of your eye as you walk away. Does someone immediately go up and dig through the exact same pile that you had just looked at? Could be an LP.
5. Do they get in line behind you? Not just a random person, but someone who has been checking your dressing room, following you, or constantly on their phone watching you? Could be an LP.
This could save you from arrest, a ride in the back of a cop car, fines, probation, community service, and court fees.
Watch your back, anyone could be an LP.
IllegalExpertGirl
Reminder to Shoplifter
Remember, no one likes people who are greedy. Corporations are greedy, no one wants to be like the corporate bastards. It might seem like a good idea to steal 50 lighters or 20 different expensive outfits at the time, but when you're hungry and can't pay your bills, then those things won't seem important. Don't get lost in the euphoria of theft. Oftentimes, shoplifting (and getting away with it) can give you such a rush of adrenaline that you want to do it again and again. The more you steal, the more confident you get in your abilities. When you get overly confident you make stupid mistakes because you feel like you could never get caught. Other people get caught, not you, you're too good to get caught. But that's not the case. Almost everyone gets caught at some point in their shoplifting career, so be prepared for the worst. If you get too caught up in the art of shoplifting, limit yourself before it gets out of hand. Stop yourself from taking random things, only take what you need; medicine, food, basic clothing, whatever. You will be much better off in the end if you have food and medicine than if you just have a bunch of random things. Random shit is better for making money from selling the items, while food and medicine are better to keep for yourself. If you don't have food when you're hungry or medicine when you're sick, then you will be miserable. You shoplift for yourself, not to make others jealous. Posting pictures on the internet bragging about stealing 50 expensive high end tubes of mascara will make other people jealous, but it won't benefit you much in the end unless you are good at selling things. Always go at your own speed, if you are only lifting basic necessities but you see a lip gloss or candy that you want, then get it. Just don't try to load up on a necessity haul and a fun haul at the same time. If you are caught stealing food, you can give a sob story about how you have "a family to feed," but a bag full of makeup isn't fooling anyone.
Just be careful and don't get greedy.
IllegalExpertGirl
Just be careful and don't get greedy.
IllegalExpertGirl
Hiding Evidence: Shoplifting
There are many things that could get you caught when you are shoplifting (see my other post "Things That Get You Caught: Shoplifting"). One major thing is when there is incriminating evidence. Evidence can come in many forms, from photos or videos, empty packaging, witnesses, or even internet history. Here is how to cover your tracks.
1. Photos and videos:
While shoplifting, don't show you face to the camera as much as you can help it. Don't make it obvious that you are hiding your identity, or else you will be seen as suspicious. Just don't stare directly into the cameras. Also, don't be an idiot with social media. If you go on F@ceb00k and post pictures going "omg look at my haul shoplifting so much fun" then you can still get arrested even if you weren't caught in the store. People have been arrested for showing off things they have stolen on the internet because they pretty much confessed to the crime. If you are shoplifting with other people, make sure they don't take pictures of you, even if they don't show you actively shoplifting. Photos taken on any phone show a time and date. If you get caught you won't be able to say that you hadn't been in that part of the store when the things went missing, or you didn't come in with them and that they shoplifted on their own without your knowledge.
2. Empty packaging:
If you leave a trail of empty packaging, then LP's know exactly what you're up to, even if they didn't see you take the items. To avoid this, hold on to the packaging. Don't just throw it down in a shelf or something. Walk around, and rip up the package. To make sure no one can piece together the package, pretend you are getting a piece of gum and chew up the pieces of cardboard/paper. Spit it out in a trash can. For the things that can't be destroyed by chewing (plastic/rubber/whatever), then rip them up as much as you can and spread them out among all of the trash cans in the store. Unless the LP is really really determined to bring you in, then they aren't going to follow you through the entire store picking up your saliva-coated packaging.
3. Witnesses:
Do! Not! Shoplift! If! Someone! Is! Near! You!
Seriously, people think they're sneaky enough to get away with it. People will either turn you in or confront you themselves. Anyone could be an LP. One time a 12 year old could stop you, the next time grandpa could call you out. You think that the toddler won't know enough to say anything? WRONG! They'll go up and tell their mommies that you have a treat in your pocket, and their parents will turn you in. Little kids have big mouths, and they will talk to just about anyone. You might turn around and see a 5 year old going "whatcha doin?" and people will watch anyone who is talking to a stranger's little kid.
4. Internet History (Phone or Computer):
Delete your history! Don't talk about shoplifting on your social media/email/texts. If you get caught and you try to feign innocence, then the cops can legally search your phone. If your search history is full of "how to shoplift" "shoplifting tips" and things like that, then you will have a WHOLE other set of charges against you, including burglary, criminal conspiracy, and multiple others. Don't take pictures of things that you stole, don't take videos or pictures of you or your partners stealing; just don't set yourself up for failure.
Be careful, or expect to face the consequences!
IllegalExpertGirl
1. Photos and videos:
While shoplifting, don't show you face to the camera as much as you can help it. Don't make it obvious that you are hiding your identity, or else you will be seen as suspicious. Just don't stare directly into the cameras. Also, don't be an idiot with social media. If you go on F@ceb00k and post pictures going "omg look at my haul shoplifting so much fun" then you can still get arrested even if you weren't caught in the store. People have been arrested for showing off things they have stolen on the internet because they pretty much confessed to the crime. If you are shoplifting with other people, make sure they don't take pictures of you, even if they don't show you actively shoplifting. Photos taken on any phone show a time and date. If you get caught you won't be able to say that you hadn't been in that part of the store when the things went missing, or you didn't come in with them and that they shoplifted on their own without your knowledge.
2. Empty packaging:
If you leave a trail of empty packaging, then LP's know exactly what you're up to, even if they didn't see you take the items. To avoid this, hold on to the packaging. Don't just throw it down in a shelf or something. Walk around, and rip up the package. To make sure no one can piece together the package, pretend you are getting a piece of gum and chew up the pieces of cardboard/paper. Spit it out in a trash can. For the things that can't be destroyed by chewing (plastic/rubber/whatever), then rip them up as much as you can and spread them out among all of the trash cans in the store. Unless the LP is really really determined to bring you in, then they aren't going to follow you through the entire store picking up your saliva-coated packaging.
3. Witnesses:
Do! Not! Shoplift! If! Someone! Is! Near! You!
Seriously, people think they're sneaky enough to get away with it. People will either turn you in or confront you themselves. Anyone could be an LP. One time a 12 year old could stop you, the next time grandpa could call you out. You think that the toddler won't know enough to say anything? WRONG! They'll go up and tell their mommies that you have a treat in your pocket, and their parents will turn you in. Little kids have big mouths, and they will talk to just about anyone. You might turn around and see a 5 year old going "whatcha doin?" and people will watch anyone who is talking to a stranger's little kid.
4. Internet History (Phone or Computer):
Delete your history! Don't talk about shoplifting on your social media/email/texts. If you get caught and you try to feign innocence, then the cops can legally search your phone. If your search history is full of "how to shoplift" "shoplifting tips" and things like that, then you will have a WHOLE other set of charges against you, including burglary, criminal conspiracy, and multiple others. Don't take pictures of things that you stole, don't take videos or pictures of you or your partners stealing; just don't set yourself up for failure.
Be careful, or expect to face the consequences!
IllegalExpertGirl
Things that get you caught: Shoplfting
There are a lot of reasons that you could get caught when you are shoplifting. Someone could have turned you in, an employee could have seen you, or it might just be your unlucky day. Maybe there are more LP's, there might be extra security around because it's near the holidays, maybe the store has caught on to your habits and are trying to make this time the last time. Who knows, but there are a lot of things that LP's specifically look for in a potential shoplifter.
1. You look like a thief.
Most people get caught because they honestly just look like a shady character. LP's make money off of every person they catch, and if you look like an easy potential catch, then they are going to be up your ass. And you know who you are; 20 something facial piercings, tattoos all over, brightly colored hair, "punk" or "thug" clothing, whatever. LP's are trained to look for people who look like thieves, and these characteristics fit the profile of a "shoplifter." If you look like a badass piece of shit, you will be watched and treated accordingly. So if you look suspicious, just don't do it.
2. You have shifty eyes.
I talked about this in my shoplifting post (Shoplifting Tips and Tricks). A lot of LP's will be ready to give up on you, and once they see you doing the shifty eyes, they will watch you until you leave, no exceptions. Shifty eyes are when you look for cameras on the ceiling without moving your head. This gets people, who would have gotten away with it otherwise, caught everyday.
3. You use two hands to "look at a product."
Normal people take the product off of the shelf and look at it in the open with one hand. If you are fumbling around on the shelf with two hands but not removing anything, then they know you are opening a package. Using two hands is a DEAD GIVEAWAY that you are up to something and even if the LP doesn't see you conceal the item, they can still get you for opening a package, as this is considered vandalism.
4. You leave a trail of evidence.
You think the item may have a security device on it. You decide that, to be on the safe side, you will remove the package and hide it somewhere. This makes the LP's job a lot easier. Even if they never say you take the item, if they saw you throw a package on a shelf, under something, etc, then they will investigate where you were. Once they find the empty package, they know that you removed it (which can get you in enough trouble with being charged with vandalism), they know exactly what it is, and that you have the intention of stealing it. Now, all the LP has to do is follow you to the door and confront you with the empty package and ask you to either return it or come to the back. If you don't produce the item, you will be charged with vandalism; if you do hand it over or if they search you and find it, you will be charged with theft; if they find out that you had no money/other way to pay for the item, you will be charged with burglary.
5. You try to conceal items while in the fitting room.
If you aren't careful of how you have things hidden among the clothing, then the person that counts the hangers may decide to call an LP over to check on you. For example, let's say you have a couple DVD's hidden among the clothing that you are "trying on". The employee at the desk hears packages opening, and they get suspicious. They keep an eye on the room you are in while they quietly call an LP over to check that you aren't stealing. It is frowned upon, but not illegal for the LP to quietly go over with a mirror on their shoe and quickly check to make sure you are actually trying clothes and not just concealing items.
6. You fall victim to the "scare test."
If an LP suspects you of shoplifting, then they will send a few people through the aisle you are in. Normal people wouldn't pay much attention to the other customers, but a shoplifter will likely turn their head and check out every person, looking them up and down to see if they look like an undercover LP. When the LP sees this, they will follow you around. They may even do the test again to confirm their suspicions.
7. You are extremely friendly and outgoing.
You're such a nice person! You come in and talk to all of the employees! You just make everyone's day! You could never be a thief! WRONG! Regular workers may be fooled by your friendly demeanor, but LP's are not fooled one bit. Normal employees may avoid stopping you if they see something suspicious because you're just such a nice person, but LP's will stop you. They get paid enough to stop you that it doesn't matter if you're next in line to be the Pope, you will get stopped. There are genuinely nice people, but someone who is sucking up to anyone with a name tag is one of the most suspicious types of people there is.
8. You over-act.
You walk around wiggling or tapping your item. This says to LP's "Hey! I am not a shoplifter! I will not try to steal this item! See, I'm playing with it! That totally means I'm gonna buy it!" Then you steal it. People honestly think that this works.
9. You under-act.
You find the item and immediately conceal it. Or, you find the item, hide it behind something in your hand/cart, then you quickly walk to the most deserted part of the store. The LP knows that they need to either follow you or have all of the cameras watching you to witness the concealment.
And finally 10, and this is a big one: You carry a flat, empty looking purse or backpack.
This makes it so obvious that you are shoplifting. Not only does it grab the attention of an LP, but it makes their job a lot easier. Your bag was flat when you came in, and magically became full after you "put back" everything you were going to buy. Even if the LP didn't see you put anything in the bag, they can confidently make a stop on you, even if no alarms go off and nothing was reported of your actions. Entering a store with an empty bag can raise the charge from theft to burglary if you are caught.
Watch your back, and be suspicious of everyone.
IllegalExpertGirl
1. You look like a thief.
Most people get caught because they honestly just look like a shady character. LP's make money off of every person they catch, and if you look like an easy potential catch, then they are going to be up your ass. And you know who you are; 20 something facial piercings, tattoos all over, brightly colored hair, "punk" or "thug" clothing, whatever. LP's are trained to look for people who look like thieves, and these characteristics fit the profile of a "shoplifter." If you look like a badass piece of shit, you will be watched and treated accordingly. So if you look suspicious, just don't do it.
2. You have shifty eyes.
I talked about this in my shoplifting post (Shoplifting Tips and Tricks). A lot of LP's will be ready to give up on you, and once they see you doing the shifty eyes, they will watch you until you leave, no exceptions. Shifty eyes are when you look for cameras on the ceiling without moving your head. This gets people, who would have gotten away with it otherwise, caught everyday.
3. You use two hands to "look at a product."
Normal people take the product off of the shelf and look at it in the open with one hand. If you are fumbling around on the shelf with two hands but not removing anything, then they know you are opening a package. Using two hands is a DEAD GIVEAWAY that you are up to something and even if the LP doesn't see you conceal the item, they can still get you for opening a package, as this is considered vandalism.
4. You leave a trail of evidence.
You think the item may have a security device on it. You decide that, to be on the safe side, you will remove the package and hide it somewhere. This makes the LP's job a lot easier. Even if they never say you take the item, if they saw you throw a package on a shelf, under something, etc, then they will investigate where you were. Once they find the empty package, they know that you removed it (which can get you in enough trouble with being charged with vandalism), they know exactly what it is, and that you have the intention of stealing it. Now, all the LP has to do is follow you to the door and confront you with the empty package and ask you to either return it or come to the back. If you don't produce the item, you will be charged with vandalism; if you do hand it over or if they search you and find it, you will be charged with theft; if they find out that you had no money/other way to pay for the item, you will be charged with burglary.
5. You try to conceal items while in the fitting room.
If you aren't careful of how you have things hidden among the clothing, then the person that counts the hangers may decide to call an LP over to check on you. For example, let's say you have a couple DVD's hidden among the clothing that you are "trying on". The employee at the desk hears packages opening, and they get suspicious. They keep an eye on the room you are in while they quietly call an LP over to check that you aren't stealing. It is frowned upon, but not illegal for the LP to quietly go over with a mirror on their shoe and quickly check to make sure you are actually trying clothes and not just concealing items.
6. You fall victim to the "scare test."
If an LP suspects you of shoplifting, then they will send a few people through the aisle you are in. Normal people wouldn't pay much attention to the other customers, but a shoplifter will likely turn their head and check out every person, looking them up and down to see if they look like an undercover LP. When the LP sees this, they will follow you around. They may even do the test again to confirm their suspicions.
7. You are extremely friendly and outgoing.
You're such a nice person! You come in and talk to all of the employees! You just make everyone's day! You could never be a thief! WRONG! Regular workers may be fooled by your friendly demeanor, but LP's are not fooled one bit. Normal employees may avoid stopping you if they see something suspicious because you're just such a nice person, but LP's will stop you. They get paid enough to stop you that it doesn't matter if you're next in line to be the Pope, you will get stopped. There are genuinely nice people, but someone who is sucking up to anyone with a name tag is one of the most suspicious types of people there is.
8. You over-act.
You walk around wiggling or tapping your item. This says to LP's "Hey! I am not a shoplifter! I will not try to steal this item! See, I'm playing with it! That totally means I'm gonna buy it!" Then you steal it. People honestly think that this works.
9. You under-act.
You find the item and immediately conceal it. Or, you find the item, hide it behind something in your hand/cart, then you quickly walk to the most deserted part of the store. The LP knows that they need to either follow you or have all of the cameras watching you to witness the concealment.
And finally 10, and this is a big one: You carry a flat, empty looking purse or backpack.
This makes it so obvious that you are shoplifting. Not only does it grab the attention of an LP, but it makes their job a lot easier. Your bag was flat when you came in, and magically became full after you "put back" everything you were going to buy. Even if the LP didn't see you put anything in the bag, they can confidently make a stop on you, even if no alarms go off and nothing was reported of your actions. Entering a store with an empty bag can raise the charge from theft to burglary if you are caught.
Watch your back, and be suspicious of everyone.
IllegalExpertGirl
Cheap/ Free Food! Tips and Tricks
Have you ever been poor? Have you ever been hungry? If you're on my blog, then the answers to both of those are most likely yes, unless you're some rich asshole who just steals for the hell of it or a cop/LP trying to learn what to look for.
Anyways, most people have been poor and hungry at some point in their lives. People don't get paid enough to support themselves or their families, and food is an expensive necessity. Thrift stores, yard sales, and hand-me-downs help with clothes, cheap/public housing can give you a roof over your head, but food stamps only go so far and no one gives away food. So how can you get enough food to support yourself. In these tips I will explain how to get food for little to no money (often the only cost is gas money).
So, here we go.
1. FAMILY REUNIONS: Whether they are your relatives or just some random family, you can get a shit ton of food for nothing except the gas money to get there. If they are your family, just give a sob story about how you're having "a hard time with money" and "need all the help you can get." Your family will load you up with all the leftovers from the reunion, especially if it is an outdoor, picnic type of reunion, because no one wants to be stuck rushing home to get the potato salad in the fridge. They may even throw in a few bucks to "help you get some food later." But don't abuse this because no relative is going to give you money constantly, and after a few years, they will start to question how you aren't on your feet yet.
Another way to get free food is to stop at a random family reunion. Look around for signs saying stuff like "Smith Family Reunion Pavilion C" or whatever. Stop in and act like you belong. If someone comes up and talks to you, just say you are dating someone and they told you to come to the reunion. Most likely, no one will want to offend you and cost their relative a relationship, so they will just let you go do your own thing. Most people don't even know all of the extended family, so they'll just assume you are related even if they don't recognize you. Eat to your hearts content, and be friendly. If you are rude to the "family" they may ask you to leave to avoid conflict or they may start to question who you really are. Just eat and interact a little. Offer to take some of the leftovers home. If you're lucky, the people will leave their dishes and serving spoons and stuff with you and ask you to return them when you see them next, meaning you now have new dishes and food for no cost. Keep a large cooler or two full of ice in your trunk/back seat to store the leftovers if you plan on hitting more than one reunion that day. No reason in wasting your gas to drive home and come back again.
2. SHOPLIFTING: Food almost never makes the door alarms go off, making it easy to get high end, expensive food for free. If you are still worried about the alarms going off, keep storage bags in your purse (the quart size freezer bags work well, unless you are getting something like big bags of cereal/snacks). You can hide the food packages in your bag, and go to the nearest, emptiest looking bathroom. Once inside, you can transfer all of the food from its original package to the freezer bags. Just be careful with how you dispose of the wrappings. Flush some, throw some in the trash (hide it in some rolled up toilet paper/paper towels/whatever), put some behind the toilets, etc. Just be careful not to clog the toilets, because if someone comes in to clean up and there's damp packaging all over the toilet and you were the only one to go in that bathroom, then you're fucked. Go for things that can easily be dumped out into your bag; frozen shrimp or popcorn chicken/nuggets, individually wrapped foods like burritos, fruit snacks, candy, drink pouches/boxes, the little individual boxes of cereal, and the microwave tv dinners. Most of these foods come in a big box, but the products inside are individually wrapped in their own packaging. This makes it easy to dump in your purse without having to worry about things getting messy. But make sure if you are stealing something frozen like shrimp or chicken nuggets or burritos or something, do it last so that it doesn't have time to thaw out and make a mess.
3. DINE AND DASH: This was covered in detail in my post "Dine and Dash Tips and Tricks."
4. PEOPLE'S HOMES: I don't mean breaking in to random people's houses and stealing food, I mean going to people you know. If you know them (friends or family or whatever), then you can likely get some food from them. Either give them a sob story about how hungry you are, and they'll probably feed you. If they leave you at their house alone, to watch their pets or something, then browse the cabinets. You could also get a roll or two of toilet paper, some paper towels, even silverware. Take little bits at a time, don't get greedy. People might not miss one pack of p0pt@rt$ missing, but if a whole brand new box disappears, then they will get suspicious. Be careful if you do this, because once you lose their trust, you probably won't be invited back.
5. DISCOUNT STORES: These stores have lower prices than most big corporate stores, and little to no cameras. This means you can save a lot of money by buying the discounted food and maybe shoplifting a couple things if you don't have the money for everything you need. Just be aware of the expiration dates on the foods, and try to get things that aren't too beat up. You can get really sick from food in dented or rusted cans, because dents and rust can break the seal letting in bacteria and air. As a general rule, don't buy food that's more than a month or so expired. Use common sense. If something seems nasty or like it may be spoiled, don't buy it. It's a waste of money to buy food that's already gone to shit. Now, if it's something like rice, or pasta, or canned foods in cans that are still decent looking, then it's most likely ok to eat long after the best by date. Be wary of "fresh" fruits and vegetables, meat, milk, and wheat products like cereal, bread, or oats. The produce has likely been sitting there for a long time, unless it's something that is in season. Generally speaking, if it's not in season it's probably not any good. Even the produce in normal stores are usually fucked up when it has to be shipped in from other states/countries, so the produce that got turned down is probably really shitty. Meat is usually out in a makeshift deli area or frozen. The deli meat could have been sitting out for longer than they will admit, and the meat in the freezer may have gone bad by being thawed and frozen over and over. The milk could be sour, so unless you want the shits, don't fuck with it. Wheat products attract bugs like weevils and such. No one wants to enjoy a bowl of cereal and then see a bug floating in the milk. I've bought a box of cereal at a discount store once and it was great until i got down to the crumbs in the bottom of the bag. I had eaten the entire bag by myself because no one else liked it, and in the bottom there was a huge ass roach just laying there all cozy in his sugar coated grave. There was really nothing I could do about it because I had already eaten the cereal, and discount stores usually don't have any kind of return policy or guarantees on their products. Just avoid anything that seems suspicious.
6. COUPONS: This isn't a tip for anyone who is lazy. To actually save money using coupons, it takes a lot of time and effort. Most coupons have stupid requirements, like "buy 3 get 1 5% off", or "your hundredth drink is on us." Sometimes, you have to buy a certain brand (usually the most expensive one). If it's not the brand or product you would normally buy, then the coupon is pretty much worthless and a scam to get you to use their product and spend your money. Online coupons are often better than paper ones, because you can find a coupon for something just by searching for it. Sometimes, you can get coupons online that give you things for free or really cheap, for example "free $ubw@y footlong meal if you buy a soda" or "50 cent sandwiches from 6-10." With these deals, it is usually just an issue of the time that the deal is valid. Some places have special deals but only at night or really early in the morning. Some places have deals but only if you buy specific things at a specific store. But online coupons can be paired with paper coupons to get really good prices. Combine these with whatever is on sale at the store, and you could potentially make money off of your purchase. Some people who are experienced at using coupons make a couple dollars off of their purchase because of careful calculations and planning. Also, people who would put the effort into using coupons are often seen as someone who is saving enough that they don't need to steal, so they won't suspect you as a shoplifter. Sometimes the extra effort can save you a lot of money. And you can save yourself time using apps on your phone that let you save coupons without having to print them off or carry around a big envelope of paper.
Enjoy your food, it always tastes better when it's free!
IllegalExpertGirl
Anyways, most people have been poor and hungry at some point in their lives. People don't get paid enough to support themselves or their families, and food is an expensive necessity. Thrift stores, yard sales, and hand-me-downs help with clothes, cheap/public housing can give you a roof over your head, but food stamps only go so far and no one gives away food. So how can you get enough food to support yourself. In these tips I will explain how to get food for little to no money (often the only cost is gas money).
So, here we go.
1. FAMILY REUNIONS: Whether they are your relatives or just some random family, you can get a shit ton of food for nothing except the gas money to get there. If they are your family, just give a sob story about how you're having "a hard time with money" and "need all the help you can get." Your family will load you up with all the leftovers from the reunion, especially if it is an outdoor, picnic type of reunion, because no one wants to be stuck rushing home to get the potato salad in the fridge. They may even throw in a few bucks to "help you get some food later." But don't abuse this because no relative is going to give you money constantly, and after a few years, they will start to question how you aren't on your feet yet.
Another way to get free food is to stop at a random family reunion. Look around for signs saying stuff like "Smith Family Reunion Pavilion C" or whatever. Stop in and act like you belong. If someone comes up and talks to you, just say you are dating someone and they told you to come to the reunion. Most likely, no one will want to offend you and cost their relative a relationship, so they will just let you go do your own thing. Most people don't even know all of the extended family, so they'll just assume you are related even if they don't recognize you. Eat to your hearts content, and be friendly. If you are rude to the "family" they may ask you to leave to avoid conflict or they may start to question who you really are. Just eat and interact a little. Offer to take some of the leftovers home. If you're lucky, the people will leave their dishes and serving spoons and stuff with you and ask you to return them when you see them next, meaning you now have new dishes and food for no cost. Keep a large cooler or two full of ice in your trunk/back seat to store the leftovers if you plan on hitting more than one reunion that day. No reason in wasting your gas to drive home and come back again.
2. SHOPLIFTING: Food almost never makes the door alarms go off, making it easy to get high end, expensive food for free. If you are still worried about the alarms going off, keep storage bags in your purse (the quart size freezer bags work well, unless you are getting something like big bags of cereal/snacks). You can hide the food packages in your bag, and go to the nearest, emptiest looking bathroom. Once inside, you can transfer all of the food from its original package to the freezer bags. Just be careful with how you dispose of the wrappings. Flush some, throw some in the trash (hide it in some rolled up toilet paper/paper towels/whatever), put some behind the toilets, etc. Just be careful not to clog the toilets, because if someone comes in to clean up and there's damp packaging all over the toilet and you were the only one to go in that bathroom, then you're fucked. Go for things that can easily be dumped out into your bag; frozen shrimp or popcorn chicken/nuggets, individually wrapped foods like burritos, fruit snacks, candy, drink pouches/boxes, the little individual boxes of cereal, and the microwave tv dinners. Most of these foods come in a big box, but the products inside are individually wrapped in their own packaging. This makes it easy to dump in your purse without having to worry about things getting messy. But make sure if you are stealing something frozen like shrimp or chicken nuggets or burritos or something, do it last so that it doesn't have time to thaw out and make a mess.
3. DINE AND DASH: This was covered in detail in my post "Dine and Dash Tips and Tricks."
4. PEOPLE'S HOMES: I don't mean breaking in to random people's houses and stealing food, I mean going to people you know. If you know them (friends or family or whatever), then you can likely get some food from them. Either give them a sob story about how hungry you are, and they'll probably feed you. If they leave you at their house alone, to watch their pets or something, then browse the cabinets. You could also get a roll or two of toilet paper, some paper towels, even silverware. Take little bits at a time, don't get greedy. People might not miss one pack of p0pt@rt$ missing, but if a whole brand new box disappears, then they will get suspicious. Be careful if you do this, because once you lose their trust, you probably won't be invited back.
5. DISCOUNT STORES: These stores have lower prices than most big corporate stores, and little to no cameras. This means you can save a lot of money by buying the discounted food and maybe shoplifting a couple things if you don't have the money for everything you need. Just be aware of the expiration dates on the foods, and try to get things that aren't too beat up. You can get really sick from food in dented or rusted cans, because dents and rust can break the seal letting in bacteria and air. As a general rule, don't buy food that's more than a month or so expired. Use common sense. If something seems nasty or like it may be spoiled, don't buy it. It's a waste of money to buy food that's already gone to shit. Now, if it's something like rice, or pasta, or canned foods in cans that are still decent looking, then it's most likely ok to eat long after the best by date. Be wary of "fresh" fruits and vegetables, meat, milk, and wheat products like cereal, bread, or oats. The produce has likely been sitting there for a long time, unless it's something that is in season. Generally speaking, if it's not in season it's probably not any good. Even the produce in normal stores are usually fucked up when it has to be shipped in from other states/countries, so the produce that got turned down is probably really shitty. Meat is usually out in a makeshift deli area or frozen. The deli meat could have been sitting out for longer than they will admit, and the meat in the freezer may have gone bad by being thawed and frozen over and over. The milk could be sour, so unless you want the shits, don't fuck with it. Wheat products attract bugs like weevils and such. No one wants to enjoy a bowl of cereal and then see a bug floating in the milk. I've bought a box of cereal at a discount store once and it was great until i got down to the crumbs in the bottom of the bag. I had eaten the entire bag by myself because no one else liked it, and in the bottom there was a huge ass roach just laying there all cozy in his sugar coated grave. There was really nothing I could do about it because I had already eaten the cereal, and discount stores usually don't have any kind of return policy or guarantees on their products. Just avoid anything that seems suspicious.
6. COUPONS: This isn't a tip for anyone who is lazy. To actually save money using coupons, it takes a lot of time and effort. Most coupons have stupid requirements, like "buy 3 get 1 5% off", or "your hundredth drink is on us." Sometimes, you have to buy a certain brand (usually the most expensive one). If it's not the brand or product you would normally buy, then the coupon is pretty much worthless and a scam to get you to use their product and spend your money. Online coupons are often better than paper ones, because you can find a coupon for something just by searching for it. Sometimes, you can get coupons online that give you things for free or really cheap, for example "free $ubw@y footlong meal if you buy a soda" or "50 cent sandwiches from 6-10." With these deals, it is usually just an issue of the time that the deal is valid. Some places have special deals but only at night or really early in the morning. Some places have deals but only if you buy specific things at a specific store. But online coupons can be paired with paper coupons to get really good prices. Combine these with whatever is on sale at the store, and you could potentially make money off of your purchase. Some people who are experienced at using coupons make a couple dollars off of their purchase because of careful calculations and planning. Also, people who would put the effort into using coupons are often seen as someone who is saving enough that they don't need to steal, so they won't suspect you as a shoplifter. Sometimes the extra effort can save you a lot of money. And you can save yourself time using apps on your phone that let you save coupons without having to print them off or carry around a big envelope of paper.
Enjoy your food, it always tastes better when it's free!
IllegalExpertGirl
Dine and Dash Tips and Tricks
I am going to say this up front:
DO NOT STEAL FROM SMALL MOM AND POP BUSINESSES/RESTAURANTS!
These people are likely in the same situation as you when it comes to needing money, and often if someone leaves without paying, the employees have to pay for the meal out of their tips. Mom and Pop businesses are not part of a big corporation, AKA the businesses screwing people over for their own selfish greedy profits. They are just normal people like yourself that are trying to make a living. Yes, if you go to a Mom and Pop shop, it will likely be more expensive than other places, but not as expensive and over charged as the big businesses. Go for the big businesses; W@lm@rt, McD0n@ld's, T@rget, Rutter$, $heetz, whatever. Those big stores mark up the price on EVERYTHING! It doesn't matter how much they guarantee "lowest prices" or "best deals" around, everything is marked upwards of 100-400%! It costs less than 1 penny to produce a liter of soda, and you are getting charged more than 100 times that in the big stores. Fuck the corporate bastards and save your hard-earned money. Why order something and spend 30 something dollars for a small meal when you can eat just as well for little to no money using these tips.
1. Know the employees. I know I said in the shoplifting post that you shouldn't steal close to home, but if you know one of the employees personally, then they will likely not stop you if you try to leave without paying. Just make sure you know that they aren't really desperate to have the income from the job in case you both get caught, because there is always a risk that you get arrested and they get fired.
2. Buy something along with your "purchase". Order your food, then walk around the store while you wait. If there are more than one checkout areas, then walk past the second area. This way, if you are questioned about if you paid, you can say you paid at the other counter. Once your food is done and you pick it up, go get a drink or something. Don't spend 10 bucks on something random, but make sure you have something to wash down your savings. Go to the front counter and pay for your drink, making sure you keep the bag down at your side so the employee can't really see it. Once you pay for your drink, get the fuck out of there. The longer you stay, the longer the employees have to catch on that you're stealing. And if you can, wait around the store until there is a shift change. The employees who say you get the food will no longer be there to watch and see if you paid or not. The employees who are coming in to work will probably assume that you paid on the last shift and not question you. Try to learn the shift changes; ask the manager about which shifts they have because you know someone who is "interested in a job" there but doesn't know what shift they would be able to work.
3. Don't sit there and fuck around. It's called "Dine and Dash", not "Dine and Sit and Fuck Around Like a Dumbass". Get your food, and get out. If you are in an actual restaurant, like Ho$$'$ or an All You Can Eat Buffet or somewhere like that then don't wait until you get the check to try to leave. Once you get the check, they are trying to hint on to you that "you've been there long enough, get out". This means that they will be back fast to get your money and get you out of there. Leave before the check comes, pretend you are going out to your car to get your wallet, or going to the bathroom. While they think you're innocently doing something, you can haul your ass out of there.
4. Don't do anything that will make you stand out. You want to look like the most average, run-of-the-mill person you possibly can. Wear neutral colors, but not black. Go for boring grey or brown, and have your hair and face look "average" too; no extravagant hairstyles or bold makeup. Just go online and look up "Average white/black/hispanic/whatever person" and make yourself look stereotypical. For example, no employee is gonna tell the police that you looked like "every other black dude". Make it as hard as possible to find something that stands out. Take extra precautions if you aren't the average height or weight. Everyone is gonna remember the 6'8" dude, or the "midget". Even if you look average, being really fat or really skinny can make it easier to identify you. Just do everything you can to blend in with the common sheeple.
5. Don't go crazy with the spending unless you know what you're doing. The more you spend, the higher priority you are to the employees. Face it, rich people get better treatment in our society, and if you order like you are going to spend a lot, you will be treated "nicer". This won't be nice to you though. The employees will be told to make sure they get your order/refills first, and you will have someone lurking around your table for the entire meal, just waiting to get you more soda or some more fries. This extra attention will make it much harder for you to just get up and get out. You'll have to get through a pack of crazed employees trying to claim your big tip. This goes into my next tip.
6. Don't spend too little. First of all, what's the point of Dining and Dashing if you wouldn't have spend more than 5 bucks in the first place. Get your "money's" worth, but don't over do it. Again with stereotypes, poor people are seen as thieves and you will likely get shitty service. You will probably end up with at least one employee watching you the entire time if you "seem poor" or like a thief. You want to try to "spend" what someone would normally spend on average, like maybe 20-30 bucks depending on how many people are there with you. This goes on in another tip.
7. Size matters. If you eat alone, the employees will likely try to make you "feel better" about being lonely. On the contrary, if you bring 20 other people with you, it's harder to get everyone out before the employees' notice that people are escaping. Try to stick to pairs or small groups, like maybe up to 4 or 5 people. Any more than that will just be an extra hassle. Also, more people means more chances of mistakes, like accidentally showing your face to a camera, or recognizing one of the employees.
8. Free refreshments. Fill up your pockets with the free mints, or toothpicks, or whatever. Bring a purse in (if you are a girl or maybe even if you're a very stereo-typically "gay" looking man) and load it up as much as you can with food. Often times you can get enough food in a purse that it wouldn't be a big deal if you end up paying for the meal. Line your purse with wire to keep it upright and looking like there's something in it (or use a purse that sits up on its own). This will make it easier to slip food in, and the employees won't see an empty bag try to leave bloated full of food. Line your purse with either a large plastic storage bag or just wrap the inside really well with tin foil or plastic wrap. This lining is mostly to keep any food juices from soaking through and revealing your secret (and destroying the bag) and to keep any dirt or lint off of your food. No one wants to snack on linty fries or dirty chicken strips. Make sure that if you do end up paying (due to getting caught or just backing out or whatever) that you get your money's worth. You worked hard for your money, and everything at restaurants is so expensive just so the corporate pigs can line their own pockets. Make sure you have a small jacket or hat or something big enough to cover the top of your purse without taking up too much room. This way you can cover up the top of the bag (if it doesn't zip closed) and hide all the goodies inside. It will also help hold all of the food inside if the bag is starting to overflow (which is not recommended to do, don't go crazy, crazy gets you caught). If you are trying to walk out with 20 dinner rolls falling out of your bag, you will likely get pulled aside and checked. And it is VERY ILLEGAL to try to take food home from an All You Can Eat Buffet type restaurant. Sometimes if you ask nicely, the employees will allow you to take home what is left on your plate, unless you just filled it up to the point of overflowing and are trying to take it home. But if there's only like half a cup of rice and an eggroll left, then you will probably be allowed to take it home without sneaking around. But if you get caught trying to take something home, it doesn't matter if it's just an extra cookie for the road, the cops WILL be called and you WILL get arrested. And you will likely be banned from coming back into the restaurant ever again.
9. CRAZY GETS YOU CAUGHT! Don't overdo it, regardless of how experienced or talented you are. Just about everyone gets caught at some point, and don't think you're "too good" to get caught. Once you start getting cocky, you start making stupid mistakes. I know, it can be hard to control yourself, especially if you think you're doing really well. Overconfidence leads to fines and jail time. I don't care if you've been shoplifting/dine&dashing/stealing/whatever for your entire life. Times change, and people get smart. The tricks you used when you were fifteen won't work when you're fifty. Back "in the day," there weren't cameras every 10 feet in stores, and it was much easier to get away with stealing. But nowadays, you are watched 24/7 even if you're doing absolutely nothing wrong. The authorities are like your strict parents, and the corporations are like your tattletale siblings doing everything in their power to get you in trouble. This is because the corporations get money from the fines you pay. Once you get in trouble, you will likely see more than a 500 dollar fine, and all of the poor little babies get a piece.
10. If you've been caught at one place stealing, don't be a fucking idiot. Once you've been caught, they likely have a picture of you from either the cops or from the cameras around the store. This means that the employees will be on the lookout for you even if you didn't do/aren't going to do anything wrong. And often if you are apprehended at one store, your picture will be copied and sent out to every other store in the area in case you have/are trying to steal from them as well. Someone I know got arrested and fined because they shoplifted from the same store that they had their first offense at. Once you've been caught stealing somewhere, you should pretty much cross that store off your list of potential hits. Multiple hits mean multiple sightings, and the more someone sees you, the more they can remember. Even if you look like every other average sheeple, the employees will start seeing more little habits and tidbits about you, whether it's the freckles on your chest or your normal movements compared to your sneaky movements. It doesn't matter how sly you think you are, some people are just more observant than others. Just because one employee is stupidly blind to everything you do doesn't mean that none of the employees notice. A lot of LP's have a history of shoplifting/stealing and they decided to turn those skills into a career. They know all the tricks in the book (or web page) and they know what to look for.
All in all, don't be stupid when it comes to something that could potentially cost you more in fines than the items themselves.
IllegalExpertGirl
DO NOT STEAL FROM SMALL MOM AND POP BUSINESSES/RESTAURANTS!
These people are likely in the same situation as you when it comes to needing money, and often if someone leaves without paying, the employees have to pay for the meal out of their tips. Mom and Pop businesses are not part of a big corporation, AKA the businesses screwing people over for their own selfish greedy profits. They are just normal people like yourself that are trying to make a living. Yes, if you go to a Mom and Pop shop, it will likely be more expensive than other places, but not as expensive and over charged as the big businesses. Go for the big businesses; W@lm@rt, McD0n@ld's, T@rget, Rutter$, $heetz, whatever. Those big stores mark up the price on EVERYTHING! It doesn't matter how much they guarantee "lowest prices" or "best deals" around, everything is marked upwards of 100-400%! It costs less than 1 penny to produce a liter of soda, and you are getting charged more than 100 times that in the big stores. Fuck the corporate bastards and save your hard-earned money. Why order something and spend 30 something dollars for a small meal when you can eat just as well for little to no money using these tips.
1. Know the employees. I know I said in the shoplifting post that you shouldn't steal close to home, but if you know one of the employees personally, then they will likely not stop you if you try to leave without paying. Just make sure you know that they aren't really desperate to have the income from the job in case you both get caught, because there is always a risk that you get arrested and they get fired.
2. Buy something along with your "purchase". Order your food, then walk around the store while you wait. If there are more than one checkout areas, then walk past the second area. This way, if you are questioned about if you paid, you can say you paid at the other counter. Once your food is done and you pick it up, go get a drink or something. Don't spend 10 bucks on something random, but make sure you have something to wash down your savings. Go to the front counter and pay for your drink, making sure you keep the bag down at your side so the employee can't really see it. Once you pay for your drink, get the fuck out of there. The longer you stay, the longer the employees have to catch on that you're stealing. And if you can, wait around the store until there is a shift change. The employees who say you get the food will no longer be there to watch and see if you paid or not. The employees who are coming in to work will probably assume that you paid on the last shift and not question you. Try to learn the shift changes; ask the manager about which shifts they have because you know someone who is "interested in a job" there but doesn't know what shift they would be able to work.
3. Don't sit there and fuck around. It's called "Dine and Dash", not "Dine and Sit and Fuck Around Like a Dumbass". Get your food, and get out. If you are in an actual restaurant, like Ho$$'$ or an All You Can Eat Buffet or somewhere like that then don't wait until you get the check to try to leave. Once you get the check, they are trying to hint on to you that "you've been there long enough, get out". This means that they will be back fast to get your money and get you out of there. Leave before the check comes, pretend you are going out to your car to get your wallet, or going to the bathroom. While they think you're innocently doing something, you can haul your ass out of there.
4. Don't do anything that will make you stand out. You want to look like the most average, run-of-the-mill person you possibly can. Wear neutral colors, but not black. Go for boring grey or brown, and have your hair and face look "average" too; no extravagant hairstyles or bold makeup. Just go online and look up "Average white/black/hispanic/whatever person" and make yourself look stereotypical. For example, no employee is gonna tell the police that you looked like "every other black dude". Make it as hard as possible to find something that stands out. Take extra precautions if you aren't the average height or weight. Everyone is gonna remember the 6'8" dude, or the "midget". Even if you look average, being really fat or really skinny can make it easier to identify you. Just do everything you can to blend in with the common sheeple.
5. Don't go crazy with the spending unless you know what you're doing. The more you spend, the higher priority you are to the employees. Face it, rich people get better treatment in our society, and if you order like you are going to spend a lot, you will be treated "nicer". This won't be nice to you though. The employees will be told to make sure they get your order/refills first, and you will have someone lurking around your table for the entire meal, just waiting to get you more soda or some more fries. This extra attention will make it much harder for you to just get up and get out. You'll have to get through a pack of crazed employees trying to claim your big tip. This goes into my next tip.
6. Don't spend too little. First of all, what's the point of Dining and Dashing if you wouldn't have spend more than 5 bucks in the first place. Get your "money's" worth, but don't over do it. Again with stereotypes, poor people are seen as thieves and you will likely get shitty service. You will probably end up with at least one employee watching you the entire time if you "seem poor" or like a thief. You want to try to "spend" what someone would normally spend on average, like maybe 20-30 bucks depending on how many people are there with you. This goes on in another tip.
7. Size matters. If you eat alone, the employees will likely try to make you "feel better" about being lonely. On the contrary, if you bring 20 other people with you, it's harder to get everyone out before the employees' notice that people are escaping. Try to stick to pairs or small groups, like maybe up to 4 or 5 people. Any more than that will just be an extra hassle. Also, more people means more chances of mistakes, like accidentally showing your face to a camera, or recognizing one of the employees.
8. Free refreshments. Fill up your pockets with the free mints, or toothpicks, or whatever. Bring a purse in (if you are a girl or maybe even if you're a very stereo-typically "gay" looking man) and load it up as much as you can with food. Often times you can get enough food in a purse that it wouldn't be a big deal if you end up paying for the meal. Line your purse with wire to keep it upright and looking like there's something in it (or use a purse that sits up on its own). This will make it easier to slip food in, and the employees won't see an empty bag try to leave bloated full of food. Line your purse with either a large plastic storage bag or just wrap the inside really well with tin foil or plastic wrap. This lining is mostly to keep any food juices from soaking through and revealing your secret (and destroying the bag) and to keep any dirt or lint off of your food. No one wants to snack on linty fries or dirty chicken strips. Make sure that if you do end up paying (due to getting caught or just backing out or whatever) that you get your money's worth. You worked hard for your money, and everything at restaurants is so expensive just so the corporate pigs can line their own pockets. Make sure you have a small jacket or hat or something big enough to cover the top of your purse without taking up too much room. This way you can cover up the top of the bag (if it doesn't zip closed) and hide all the goodies inside. It will also help hold all of the food inside if the bag is starting to overflow (which is not recommended to do, don't go crazy, crazy gets you caught). If you are trying to walk out with 20 dinner rolls falling out of your bag, you will likely get pulled aside and checked. And it is VERY ILLEGAL to try to take food home from an All You Can Eat Buffet type restaurant. Sometimes if you ask nicely, the employees will allow you to take home what is left on your plate, unless you just filled it up to the point of overflowing and are trying to take it home. But if there's only like half a cup of rice and an eggroll left, then you will probably be allowed to take it home without sneaking around. But if you get caught trying to take something home, it doesn't matter if it's just an extra cookie for the road, the cops WILL be called and you WILL get arrested. And you will likely be banned from coming back into the restaurant ever again.
9. CRAZY GETS YOU CAUGHT! Don't overdo it, regardless of how experienced or talented you are. Just about everyone gets caught at some point, and don't think you're "too good" to get caught. Once you start getting cocky, you start making stupid mistakes. I know, it can be hard to control yourself, especially if you think you're doing really well. Overconfidence leads to fines and jail time. I don't care if you've been shoplifting/dine&dashing/stealing/whatever for your entire life. Times change, and people get smart. The tricks you used when you were fifteen won't work when you're fifty. Back "in the day," there weren't cameras every 10 feet in stores, and it was much easier to get away with stealing. But nowadays, you are watched 24/7 even if you're doing absolutely nothing wrong. The authorities are like your strict parents, and the corporations are like your tattletale siblings doing everything in their power to get you in trouble. This is because the corporations get money from the fines you pay. Once you get in trouble, you will likely see more than a 500 dollar fine, and all of the poor little babies get a piece.
10. If you've been caught at one place stealing, don't be a fucking idiot. Once you've been caught, they likely have a picture of you from either the cops or from the cameras around the store. This means that the employees will be on the lookout for you even if you didn't do/aren't going to do anything wrong. And often if you are apprehended at one store, your picture will be copied and sent out to every other store in the area in case you have/are trying to steal from them as well. Someone I know got arrested and fined because they shoplifted from the same store that they had their first offense at. Once you've been caught stealing somewhere, you should pretty much cross that store off your list of potential hits. Multiple hits mean multiple sightings, and the more someone sees you, the more they can remember. Even if you look like every other average sheeple, the employees will start seeing more little habits and tidbits about you, whether it's the freckles on your chest or your normal movements compared to your sneaky movements. It doesn't matter how sly you think you are, some people are just more observant than others. Just because one employee is stupidly blind to everything you do doesn't mean that none of the employees notice. A lot of LP's have a history of shoplifting/stealing and they decided to turn those skills into a career. They know all the tricks in the book (or web page) and they know what to look for.
All in all, don't be stupid when it comes to something that could potentially cost you more in fines than the items themselves.
IllegalExpertGirl
Thursday, January 26, 2017
DISCLAIMER! READ THIS FIRST!
DISCLAIMER:
I am not responsible for any actions taken by people who read this blog. If you don't agree with the things discussed, don't look at it. People steal, people cheat, people scam, it's a fact of life. I do not tell people to commit any actions discussed in the blogs, I simply explain how to do so. A person's decision to commit a crime is their own. I cannot physically force someone to go out and steal. If someone is willing to risk the consequences of stealing, cheating, etc, then that is their decision to make. I am not legally responsible for actions done by other people. Just so you know, if you get caught shoplifting, etc, then saying a blog told you to will not help you AT ALL in court, if anything you will just end up in a mental hospital for being unstable enough to take tips from a random person on the internet. I do not condone or condemn any of these activities, that is a decision for you to make on your own; If you feel like it is ok, then do what you want, if you think it's wrong then I don't know why you're here in the first place unless your a cop or LP searching for what to look out for.
Anyways, to each their own, think hard before you do something, and don't come crying to me if you get caught.
IllegalExpertGirl
Shoplifting Tips and Tricks
This is a list of my top shoplifting tips and tricks. These have worked really well in my experience, and they have saved me hundreds of dollars.
Here they are:
1. GIRLS: Bring a decent sized purse, but not too big. I say girls and not everyone, because men carrying bags is not very common in America, and it will make you look really suspicious. It will also look shady if you walk in with a giant, completely empty duffel bag or something similar and walk out with it stuffed full. This is what got someone I know caught; she came in with a big diaper bag-style purse that was flat and put it in the child's seat in the cart, and filled it as she went. When she tried to leave, she had a giant almost overflowing bag and she got pulled back by the employees and arrested because it was her second offense with shoplifting. Large bags make you a target for LP's (Loss "Prevention"). If you and someone else walk out the door at the same time and the buzzer alarm goes off, the one with the massive handbag will be the first to be checked, regardless of how shady the other person looks. Even if you don't make the alarm go off, you can still be unknowingly followed by an undercover employee and stopped when you try to leave.
2. Don't shoplift close to home. This goes without saying for many reasons. You are saving a lot of money once you get the hang of shoplifting properly, so you can afford some extra gas to steal out of town. Also, if you steal and need to drive/run off before the cops come, it is better if the employees don't see you go directly to your house across the street. If you escape before the cops come, the employees can still tell them which direction you left in and what you were driving/wearing. So make sure you keep extra clothes in your car so you can switch outfits and dispose of what you were wearing at the scene of the crime. In addition, learn to contour with makeup. Done properly, you can drastically change your features, making it harder to track you down. For example, if you contour your nose to look really skinny, then you can wash off the makeup with a wet wipe in your car, revealing your natural face shape. This way any police sketches will be put off by the inaccurate descriptions of how you looked.
3. Know the area around where you plan to shoplift. Learn the back roads and pull offs around the store. This way, it is easier to find somewhere to hide you and/or your vehicle if the cops are trying to track you.
4. Don't drive your nicest car and don't wear your favorite outfit. If you drive a Porsche or something, it is easier to find you than if you drive some normal, average American car. Also, if you wear your favorite clothes, you might end up having to throw them out to avoid being recognized as the shoplifter.
5. If you are shoplifting in pairs/groups, make sure you know exactly who you are working with. I got caught once because my partner in crime was stupid and pulled tags and concealed items right in front of a camera and security ceiling mirror with an employee looking right at them. When they got caught, they blamed me for "making" them do it. Also, the more people you go with, the more people you have to watch out for, especially if you are younger (in your teens/young adulthood). A couple people coming into the store in a group isn't nearly as suspicious as a huge group of "thug" looking teens. And yes, be aware that stereotyping does happen. A white female is less suspicious in the eyes of the employees than a black male, regardless of dress or mannerisms. This will be explained further in my next tip.
6. Use the partner method. Have someone dress up to look like a stereotypical shoplifter; black clothes, hoodie, big backpack or bag, and "shifty eyes" (I will cover what those are in a minute). Have your partner go in the store a little before you do, and go around acting suspicious; holding items on the shelves with two hands, ditching things in random aisles as if they stole something, peeking around corners at cameras and employees, etc. Then you can go in and shoplift to your hearts content. Why? Because all eyes will be on your partner. This will have every employee busy to "prevent" the thief from escaping with merchandise, while you, the innocent little sweetheart, can browse around for food, makeup, clothing, whatever. This works especially well in smaller stores, like local d0ll@r stores and such, rather than larger stores like w@lm@rt, t@rget, whatever. This is because you want to make sure there are only a few employees on duty, so that they can't have enough people to watch everyone who comes in. It's easier to distract 2 or 3 employees than 20 or 30.
7. For the love of fuck, DON'T PARK NEAR THE ENTRANCE/EXIT OF THE STORE! There are the most cameras near the doors for one, leaving you vulnerable to at least one camera getting a good picture of your face/vehicle. Two, the employees could see your license plate while you are making your get away. Three, there will be less vehicles parked around you the farther away from the door you are, making it easier to throw your haul in and get your ass out.
8. Shifty eyes; These are what get a lot of potential shoplifters busted all the time. Shifty eyes are when you look at the cameras without moving your head. If someone sees that, they IMMEDIATELY call the LP's to check you out. My suggestion for this is to pretend you are looking for something on the top shelves and out of the corners of your eyes, check around for cameras and other people. This is important because other people can try to be a "hero" and turn you in if they see you doing something suspicious. If you see anything, move to a different aisle. And be careful of cameras IN the shelves. I have almost gotten caught this way in some newer stores. They put cameras not only on the ceilings/high walls, but also in among the items attached to the shelves. Be aware of this hazard if you are "shopping" somewhere you aren't familiar with.
9. The in store "heros"; the moral of this is TRUST NO ONE. Even if you think someone will just turn a blind eye to what you're doing, watch out. They may just decide to warn the employees/ become an unofficial LP. Never shoplift when you are near someone else. Even if you are in separate aisles, if someone hears packages opening and stuff shuffling around, there is a good chance they will either confront you themselves or alert an employee.
10. Dine and dash; While this is a form of shoplifting, I will cover this in more detail in another post (Dine and Dash Tips and Tricks). Just be sure you are committed to the act, because once you eat, they expect payment and if you back out but didn't bring any $$, then you are screwed. This also leads into my next tip.
11. Always bring some money with you. Even if you don't plan on spending it, it is good to have in case you A. back out, B. get caught, or C. want to buy something to help hide the fact that you stole.
A.) You backed out and you don't think you can put everything back undetected. In this case, either dump everything in an empty aisle and scoot, or just pay for what you had. Both can leave you feeling defeated in the end.
B.) You tried to leave and got caught. In this case, you may be able to avoid having the cops involved by just paying for the items and agreeing to never come back. Also, you can claim that the shoplifting was an impulse decision rather than planned, because if you have no money to pay, that can take the charge from Theft to Burglary.
C.) You want to buy something. This is good to help cover your tracks. No one really suspects that you would go through the check out for anything if you had stolen something. Try to spend like $3- $5 on a snack or drink or something so that it seems like you just took a long time looking around because you were having a hard time making a decision on what flavor/brand/whatever you wanted to buy. Alternate between looking around the store (and shoplifting) and staring down the snack/drink aisle. If an employee asks whats up, just say you were walking around to help you decide. Just pretend that you have some kind of commitment problem and you can't decide what you want to get.
12. Lie through your teeth. If an employee sees that you look nervous, just say that you haven't had a chance to pick up your anxiety medication yet today. If someone questions whether you stole something, say no and get offended that they would even think such a thing. Often, especially with employees, this will make them leave you alone to avoid losing their job due to an offended customer.
13. Don't hit the same store all the time. If you are in w@lm@rt or something just about everyday, then people will start to question why you always only leave with a soda or a snack. Try to alternate between stores, and between shoplifting and actual shopping. If you come in once or twice to get a drink, but also get a cart of groceries once in a while, then it looks better than just always getting the same snack all the time. You can also supplement you normal shopping with some 5 finger discounts. People tend not to suspect the person going in and going out of the checkout. Employees watch for people who come in and leave without buying anything.
14. Stereotyping; sadly, it does happen, but you can use it to your advantage. For example, if your some pasty ass nerdy looking white kid, then you are are a lot less suspicious than your thug black friend. If you can find someone who is seen as more likely to steal, then by all means get them to come with you. Offer to split the haul with them if they help out. This way you both benefit.
15. Bring a "drink" in the store with you (if they allow people to eat/drink in store). Go to McD0n@ld$ or somewhere that offers excessively large cups, and only fill it part way with your drink (the styrofoam sweet tea cups work well). Come on, for a dollar or so, you can afford it. Drink it before you get in the store, but keep the cup. It is important that the cup IS NOT CLEAR. If the cup is even slightly opaque, this won't work. Once you get to the store, bring the cup in with you. Pretend to sip your drink throughout the store, while putting small items like jewelry, socks, underwear, snacks, whatever inside the cup. Be careful how long you are in the store for, because almost no one can make a drink last for 4 hours. Then just walk out sipping on your savings.
More to come later. Be sure to check out my other posts!
IllegalExpertGirl
Here they are:
1. GIRLS: Bring a decent sized purse, but not too big. I say girls and not everyone, because men carrying bags is not very common in America, and it will make you look really suspicious. It will also look shady if you walk in with a giant, completely empty duffel bag or something similar and walk out with it stuffed full. This is what got someone I know caught; she came in with a big diaper bag-style purse that was flat and put it in the child's seat in the cart, and filled it as she went. When she tried to leave, she had a giant almost overflowing bag and she got pulled back by the employees and arrested because it was her second offense with shoplifting. Large bags make you a target for LP's (Loss "Prevention"). If you and someone else walk out the door at the same time and the buzzer alarm goes off, the one with the massive handbag will be the first to be checked, regardless of how shady the other person looks. Even if you don't make the alarm go off, you can still be unknowingly followed by an undercover employee and stopped when you try to leave.
2. Don't shoplift close to home. This goes without saying for many reasons. You are saving a lot of money once you get the hang of shoplifting properly, so you can afford some extra gas to steal out of town. Also, if you steal and need to drive/run off before the cops come, it is better if the employees don't see you go directly to your house across the street. If you escape before the cops come, the employees can still tell them which direction you left in and what you were driving/wearing. So make sure you keep extra clothes in your car so you can switch outfits and dispose of what you were wearing at the scene of the crime. In addition, learn to contour with makeup. Done properly, you can drastically change your features, making it harder to track you down. For example, if you contour your nose to look really skinny, then you can wash off the makeup with a wet wipe in your car, revealing your natural face shape. This way any police sketches will be put off by the inaccurate descriptions of how you looked.
3. Know the area around where you plan to shoplift. Learn the back roads and pull offs around the store. This way, it is easier to find somewhere to hide you and/or your vehicle if the cops are trying to track you.
4. Don't drive your nicest car and don't wear your favorite outfit. If you drive a Porsche or something, it is easier to find you than if you drive some normal, average American car. Also, if you wear your favorite clothes, you might end up having to throw them out to avoid being recognized as the shoplifter.
5. If you are shoplifting in pairs/groups, make sure you know exactly who you are working with. I got caught once because my partner in crime was stupid and pulled tags and concealed items right in front of a camera and security ceiling mirror with an employee looking right at them. When they got caught, they blamed me for "making" them do it. Also, the more people you go with, the more people you have to watch out for, especially if you are younger (in your teens/young adulthood). A couple people coming into the store in a group isn't nearly as suspicious as a huge group of "thug" looking teens. And yes, be aware that stereotyping does happen. A white female is less suspicious in the eyes of the employees than a black male, regardless of dress or mannerisms. This will be explained further in my next tip.
6. Use the partner method. Have someone dress up to look like a stereotypical shoplifter; black clothes, hoodie, big backpack or bag, and "shifty eyes" (I will cover what those are in a minute). Have your partner go in the store a little before you do, and go around acting suspicious; holding items on the shelves with two hands, ditching things in random aisles as if they stole something, peeking around corners at cameras and employees, etc. Then you can go in and shoplift to your hearts content. Why? Because all eyes will be on your partner. This will have every employee busy to "prevent" the thief from escaping with merchandise, while you, the innocent little sweetheart, can browse around for food, makeup, clothing, whatever. This works especially well in smaller stores, like local d0ll@r stores and such, rather than larger stores like w@lm@rt, t@rget, whatever. This is because you want to make sure there are only a few employees on duty, so that they can't have enough people to watch everyone who comes in. It's easier to distract 2 or 3 employees than 20 or 30.
7. For the love of fuck, DON'T PARK NEAR THE ENTRANCE/EXIT OF THE STORE! There are the most cameras near the doors for one, leaving you vulnerable to at least one camera getting a good picture of your face/vehicle. Two, the employees could see your license plate while you are making your get away. Three, there will be less vehicles parked around you the farther away from the door you are, making it easier to throw your haul in and get your ass out.
8. Shifty eyes; These are what get a lot of potential shoplifters busted all the time. Shifty eyes are when you look at the cameras without moving your head. If someone sees that, they IMMEDIATELY call the LP's to check you out. My suggestion for this is to pretend you are looking for something on the top shelves and out of the corners of your eyes, check around for cameras and other people. This is important because other people can try to be a "hero" and turn you in if they see you doing something suspicious. If you see anything, move to a different aisle. And be careful of cameras IN the shelves. I have almost gotten caught this way in some newer stores. They put cameras not only on the ceilings/high walls, but also in among the items attached to the shelves. Be aware of this hazard if you are "shopping" somewhere you aren't familiar with.
9. The in store "heros"; the moral of this is TRUST NO ONE. Even if you think someone will just turn a blind eye to what you're doing, watch out. They may just decide to warn the employees/ become an unofficial LP. Never shoplift when you are near someone else. Even if you are in separate aisles, if someone hears packages opening and stuff shuffling around, there is a good chance they will either confront you themselves or alert an employee.
10. Dine and dash; While this is a form of shoplifting, I will cover this in more detail in another post (Dine and Dash Tips and Tricks). Just be sure you are committed to the act, because once you eat, they expect payment and if you back out but didn't bring any $$, then you are screwed. This also leads into my next tip.
11. Always bring some money with you. Even if you don't plan on spending it, it is good to have in case you A. back out, B. get caught, or C. want to buy something to help hide the fact that you stole.
A.) You backed out and you don't think you can put everything back undetected. In this case, either dump everything in an empty aisle and scoot, or just pay for what you had. Both can leave you feeling defeated in the end.
B.) You tried to leave and got caught. In this case, you may be able to avoid having the cops involved by just paying for the items and agreeing to never come back. Also, you can claim that the shoplifting was an impulse decision rather than planned, because if you have no money to pay, that can take the charge from Theft to Burglary.
C.) You want to buy something. This is good to help cover your tracks. No one really suspects that you would go through the check out for anything if you had stolen something. Try to spend like $3- $5 on a snack or drink or something so that it seems like you just took a long time looking around because you were having a hard time making a decision on what flavor/brand/whatever you wanted to buy. Alternate between looking around the store (and shoplifting) and staring down the snack/drink aisle. If an employee asks whats up, just say you were walking around to help you decide. Just pretend that you have some kind of commitment problem and you can't decide what you want to get.
12. Lie through your teeth. If an employee sees that you look nervous, just say that you haven't had a chance to pick up your anxiety medication yet today. If someone questions whether you stole something, say no and get offended that they would even think such a thing. Often, especially with employees, this will make them leave you alone to avoid losing their job due to an offended customer.
13. Don't hit the same store all the time. If you are in w@lm@rt or something just about everyday, then people will start to question why you always only leave with a soda or a snack. Try to alternate between stores, and between shoplifting and actual shopping. If you come in once or twice to get a drink, but also get a cart of groceries once in a while, then it looks better than just always getting the same snack all the time. You can also supplement you normal shopping with some 5 finger discounts. People tend not to suspect the person going in and going out of the checkout. Employees watch for people who come in and leave without buying anything.
14. Stereotyping; sadly, it does happen, but you can use it to your advantage. For example, if your some pasty ass nerdy looking white kid, then you are are a lot less suspicious than your thug black friend. If you can find someone who is seen as more likely to steal, then by all means get them to come with you. Offer to split the haul with them if they help out. This way you both benefit.
15. Bring a "drink" in the store with you (if they allow people to eat/drink in store). Go to McD0n@ld$ or somewhere that offers excessively large cups, and only fill it part way with your drink (the styrofoam sweet tea cups work well). Come on, for a dollar or so, you can afford it. Drink it before you get in the store, but keep the cup. It is important that the cup IS NOT CLEAR. If the cup is even slightly opaque, this won't work. Once you get to the store, bring the cup in with you. Pretend to sip your drink throughout the store, while putting small items like jewelry, socks, underwear, snacks, whatever inside the cup. Be careful how long you are in the store for, because almost no one can make a drink last for 4 hours. Then just walk out sipping on your savings.
More to come later. Be sure to check out my other posts!
IllegalExpertGirl
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