Here is how to contact me if you have nay questions, comments, or suggestions on topics for new posts.
Email: IllegalExpertGirl101@gmail.com
You can also leave a comment on any of my posts and I will see it within a few days. I will respond to anyone who messages me, and I can post your questions anonymously if you want.
IllegalExpertGirl
Monday, May 15, 2017
Planning For A Shoplifting Haul
Here are some tips on how to plan out a successful shoplifting haul. I will include some examples of personal experiences so you know some of the possibilities of what could happen and what you can do to be successful.
1. Gaining confidence.
It takes a lot of confidence just to start planning a shoplifting haul. So before you even come up with a plan, you need to make sure you have completely thought out what you are about to do. Here is a list of some of the questions you need to ask yourself before you begin planning:
- What are the positives that could come from shoplifting? Negatives? (P-adrenaline rush, free stuff, get whatever you want) (N-arrest, fines, criminal record)
- Why are you considering shoplifting? (Financial reasons, just for fun)
- What exactly do you want/need so bad that you would shoplift in order to have it? (Food, makeup, clothing, drugs)
-Are the items you want worth the potential consequences?
- Are you willing to accept whatever outcome you face? (Getting away with it or getting caught)
I actually made a pro/con list for shoplifting before I did my first haul. I listed all of the potential outcomes, a few being getting away with it, getting caught and let go, and getting caught and charged.
2. Developing your plan.
At this step, you will begin planning for your haul. Remember that all planning MUST be done in your head, not on paper or on your phone or whatever. There can't be any evidence; with that being said, it would be better to develop your plan on paper and destroy it afterwards than to try to permanently delete it from your phone or computer. But if you live at home with your parents or whatever, don't write down your plan at all (unless they don't give a shit what you do or you are just really good at hiding stuff) because I can guarantee that the one time you leave the paper out will be the one time someone snoops through your room and finds it. Here is what you need to have figured out in your plan:
- Items you plan to steal and where they are located in the store
- Other people involved (whether they will be shoplifting or not) ie. parents/whoever is taking you to the store, fellow shoplifters, etc
- Supplies you will need to bring on the haul (scissors for removing packaging, bag/purse, paper clip/bobby pin for removing security devices, money, etc)
My first experience shoplifting was because I wanted a specific tube of mascara. It wasn't a particularly high-end brand, but it was still 5 times more than what I usually spent on makeup. I kept an eye on the mascara for almost 2 months before I finally decided to commit and steal it. I made sure I completely thought through how I would conceal the item without being noticed, and I got away with stealing not only the tube of mascara, but also a couple eyeliners, a few little bottles of fancy lotion, and a bottle of diet pills.
3. Preparing for the haul.
Once you have developed a plan and are sure you want to follow through, you will need to gather any supplies you'll need and coordinate an outfit that will benefit you with your concealing without giving away the fact that you are shoplifting. Compile all of your supplies and put them in your purse or have them together by your outfit so you can put everything in your pockets before you leave. Your outfit should be unnoticeable, and have plenty of hiding places for merchandise. Inner pockets are a must-have.
Supplies needed:
-Scissors/nail clippers (for opening packaging)
- Purse/bag (for holding items and supplies)
- Water/drink bottle that isn't see through (to conceal smaller items)
-Money
-Your phone
-Pretend shopping list
4. Executing the haul.
When you are fully prepared and have all of your supplies packed and ready, you can now go on the haul. Whether this is your first haul or your hundredth haul, it's always necessary to be completely prepared both mentally and physically. Don't half-ass this shit, that's how you can screw yourself over in a heartbeat. At this point, you will go to the store and shoplift the items you want. Tips for doing so can be found in my previous posts.
5. Reviewing you haul.
After shoplifting, going over your haul is a good habit to get into. Even if you didn't get caught, it is still good to look back and find what you can improve and what you did well. If there was a moment where you almost got caught, look at what you did preceding that time. Did you forget to look around? Were you careless in your concealment? Did someone start to get suspicious? You should mentally review your entire haul, from the time you entered the store to the time you left. If this is your first haul, doing the mental review should help distract you from your paranoia. After I did my first haul, I sat in my bedroom peeking out the window for days because I was convinced that the cops would pull in any minute, and I jumped at every knock at the door, and every time my parents answered the phone, I was sure that it was the cops on the other end of the line telling them that they were coming to arrest me for shoplifting. Realistically, none of these things would have happened; the police will rarely come to your house if you have already left the store property with the items, especially since I had stolen so little. But in a way, the paranoid feeling will help you to watch yourself and stay cautious when you go on future hauls. If you have been shoplifting for a while, this feeling can wear off, but at that point you will probably be a good enough shoplifter that you won't need the worry to make you cautious with your shoplifting. Just follow your gut feeling; if something seems wrong, then something is wrong. If everything seems ok, still be aware of what could go wrong.
IllegalExpertGirl
1. Gaining confidence.
It takes a lot of confidence just to start planning a shoplifting haul. So before you even come up with a plan, you need to make sure you have completely thought out what you are about to do. Here is a list of some of the questions you need to ask yourself before you begin planning:
- What are the positives that could come from shoplifting? Negatives? (P-adrenaline rush, free stuff, get whatever you want) (N-arrest, fines, criminal record)
- Why are you considering shoplifting? (Financial reasons, just for fun)
- What exactly do you want/need so bad that you would shoplift in order to have it? (Food, makeup, clothing, drugs)
-Are the items you want worth the potential consequences?
- Are you willing to accept whatever outcome you face? (Getting away with it or getting caught)
I actually made a pro/con list for shoplifting before I did my first haul. I listed all of the potential outcomes, a few being getting away with it, getting caught and let go, and getting caught and charged.
2. Developing your plan.
At this step, you will begin planning for your haul. Remember that all planning MUST be done in your head, not on paper or on your phone or whatever. There can't be any evidence; with that being said, it would be better to develop your plan on paper and destroy it afterwards than to try to permanently delete it from your phone or computer. But if you live at home with your parents or whatever, don't write down your plan at all (unless they don't give a shit what you do or you are just really good at hiding stuff) because I can guarantee that the one time you leave the paper out will be the one time someone snoops through your room and finds it. Here is what you need to have figured out in your plan:
- Items you plan to steal and where they are located in the store
- Other people involved (whether they will be shoplifting or not) ie. parents/whoever is taking you to the store, fellow shoplifters, etc
- Supplies you will need to bring on the haul (scissors for removing packaging, bag/purse, paper clip/bobby pin for removing security devices, money, etc)
My first experience shoplifting was because I wanted a specific tube of mascara. It wasn't a particularly high-end brand, but it was still 5 times more than what I usually spent on makeup. I kept an eye on the mascara for almost 2 months before I finally decided to commit and steal it. I made sure I completely thought through how I would conceal the item without being noticed, and I got away with stealing not only the tube of mascara, but also a couple eyeliners, a few little bottles of fancy lotion, and a bottle of diet pills.
3. Preparing for the haul.
Once you have developed a plan and are sure you want to follow through, you will need to gather any supplies you'll need and coordinate an outfit that will benefit you with your concealing without giving away the fact that you are shoplifting. Compile all of your supplies and put them in your purse or have them together by your outfit so you can put everything in your pockets before you leave. Your outfit should be unnoticeable, and have plenty of hiding places for merchandise. Inner pockets are a must-have.
Supplies needed:
-Scissors/nail clippers (for opening packaging)
- Purse/bag (for holding items and supplies)
- Water/drink bottle that isn't see through (to conceal smaller items)
-Money
-Your phone
-Pretend shopping list
4. Executing the haul.
When you are fully prepared and have all of your supplies packed and ready, you can now go on the haul. Whether this is your first haul or your hundredth haul, it's always necessary to be completely prepared both mentally and physically. Don't half-ass this shit, that's how you can screw yourself over in a heartbeat. At this point, you will go to the store and shoplift the items you want. Tips for doing so can be found in my previous posts.
5. Reviewing you haul.
After shoplifting, going over your haul is a good habit to get into. Even if you didn't get caught, it is still good to look back and find what you can improve and what you did well. If there was a moment where you almost got caught, look at what you did preceding that time. Did you forget to look around? Were you careless in your concealment? Did someone start to get suspicious? You should mentally review your entire haul, from the time you entered the store to the time you left. If this is your first haul, doing the mental review should help distract you from your paranoia. After I did my first haul, I sat in my bedroom peeking out the window for days because I was convinced that the cops would pull in any minute, and I jumped at every knock at the door, and every time my parents answered the phone, I was sure that it was the cops on the other end of the line telling them that they were coming to arrest me for shoplifting. Realistically, none of these things would have happened; the police will rarely come to your house if you have already left the store property with the items, especially since I had stolen so little. But in a way, the paranoid feeling will help you to watch yourself and stay cautious when you go on future hauls. If you have been shoplifting for a while, this feeling can wear off, but at that point you will probably be a good enough shoplifter that you won't need the worry to make you cautious with your shoplifting. Just follow your gut feeling; if something seems wrong, then something is wrong. If everything seems ok, still be aware of what could go wrong.
IllegalExpertGirl
Wednesday, May 3, 2017
My Experience: Getting Caught and Charged
(The censored parts of the story are there to protect the identities of myself and the other people involved!)
MY STORY:
A while ago, I had gone to the store with the person who I had been shoplifting with for a while. We would both be lookouts for each other and help distract employees and other shoppers from where the other was concealing merchandise. It had been working out pretty well for both of us, until the day that the person (who will be referred to from here on out as Steve) got caught because they were being too cocky and decided to try to blame me for the entire crime.
We went to *store* one day, after hitting several other stores in the area. We had planned that this would be the last hit of the day since it was getting late and the car was already pretty much full of other stolen merchandise. So we walked into the store together and both went and did our own thing. I walked around and didn't see anything that I particularly wanted, so I just kinda hung out and looked at random stuff until everyone was ready to leave. Steve, however, filled the cart with several hundred dollars worth of *merchandise* and started the walk around the store to find some good places to conceal everything in the flat empty bag that was in the child seat of the cart. I knew that one of the employees (the store manager to be exact) was following Steve around, and I told Steve to just put everything back because they were being followed. Steve decided that they were too good to get caught, so they walked to another aisle across the store and started peeling security tags off of things and stuffing them into the bag as fast as possible without checking around for anything that would get them caught, cameras, other people, mirrors, etc. All of the security tags got shoved in one area of a nearby shelf, and were picked up by the store manager as evidence. The manager knew exactly where to look, because they had been watching from the other side of the aisle through a mirror. I hadn't seen where Steve went to conceal everything, so I was just walking around when I happened to go into the same aisle as them. This helped Steve's story that I was part of the theft, because we were seen together multiple times. So after Steve got done filling the bag, they immediately started for the exit without trying to look nonchalant or check for anyone who was following. Right before Steve got to the door, they stopped and tried to get me to walk out with them. I refused to do it because I knew they were gonna get caught, so I told Steve that this was their last chance to put everything back or get in trouble and I walked out on my own without getting stopped and went to wait in the car until we could leave. About a minute later, Steve's mom walks out and Steve followed, setting off the alarm at the door and getting physically pulled back into the store. When Steve and their mom got to the back room of the store, they decided that they would try to pin the blame on me so that Steve wouldn't get kicked out of *extracurricular school activity* and so they could avoid having a criminal record. After Steve and their mom got done blaming me, I was told to come back into the store and I did so willingly because I knew better than to try to escape and end up with worse charges than I was already gonna be stuck with. When I got to the back, a cop was already there and the merchandise had already been totaled up to the price of almost 500 dollars worth of *specific items*. If the blame had all been on one person, this would have been a felony shoplifting charge. But since I was dragged into the whole mess, it was split down the middle and we both got misdemeanor charges and the cost of reimbursing the store for the items was split down the middle. We both got a year of probation (which wouldn't increase as long as we both stayed out of trouble and did what the court ordered we do), having to keep our grades up in school, about 200 dollars each in reimbursement costs, about 200 in court fees, 30 hours of community service, and we both had to get fingerprinted at the police station. Steve and I are both under 18, so the charges will go away once we are legally adults. Steve has been attracting a lot of attention because they are skipping school and trying to act like probation is all fun and games. Steve thinks that just because they have the fine paid off that they are untouchable. But probation has been a lot harder on Steve with grades and community service since they are being an ass. Probation has pretty much left me alone except for biweekly appointments and the occasional house check. I haven't paid any of my fine or done any community service and my grades are for the most part barely passing, but since I'm not causing trouble they aren't really pushing the issue. We are about halfway through the probation sentence, and as long as the community service and fines are paid by the end, there won't be any further charges or punishment. I should be off probation just before I turn 18, so I won't have to worry about the charges following me my whole life. Steve, on the other hand, has been acting like a little trailer trash gutter punk, so they will be on probation a whooooolllle lot longer for bad behavior. Sounds to me like Karma is coming back to bite Steve in the ass.
Anyways, that is the story of how I got "caught" shoplifting. Hopefully you all can learn from my experience, and the most important take away from this incident in my opinion is to TRUST NO ONE!
IllegalExpertGirl
MY STORY:
A while ago, I had gone to the store with the person who I had been shoplifting with for a while. We would both be lookouts for each other and help distract employees and other shoppers from where the other was concealing merchandise. It had been working out pretty well for both of us, until the day that the person (who will be referred to from here on out as Steve) got caught because they were being too cocky and decided to try to blame me for the entire crime.
We went to *store* one day, after hitting several other stores in the area. We had planned that this would be the last hit of the day since it was getting late and the car was already pretty much full of other stolen merchandise. So we walked into the store together and both went and did our own thing. I walked around and didn't see anything that I particularly wanted, so I just kinda hung out and looked at random stuff until everyone was ready to leave. Steve, however, filled the cart with several hundred dollars worth of *merchandise* and started the walk around the store to find some good places to conceal everything in the flat empty bag that was in the child seat of the cart. I knew that one of the employees (the store manager to be exact) was following Steve around, and I told Steve to just put everything back because they were being followed. Steve decided that they were too good to get caught, so they walked to another aisle across the store and started peeling security tags off of things and stuffing them into the bag as fast as possible without checking around for anything that would get them caught, cameras, other people, mirrors, etc. All of the security tags got shoved in one area of a nearby shelf, and were picked up by the store manager as evidence. The manager knew exactly where to look, because they had been watching from the other side of the aisle through a mirror. I hadn't seen where Steve went to conceal everything, so I was just walking around when I happened to go into the same aisle as them. This helped Steve's story that I was part of the theft, because we were seen together multiple times. So after Steve got done filling the bag, they immediately started for the exit without trying to look nonchalant or check for anyone who was following. Right before Steve got to the door, they stopped and tried to get me to walk out with them. I refused to do it because I knew they were gonna get caught, so I told Steve that this was their last chance to put everything back or get in trouble and I walked out on my own without getting stopped and went to wait in the car until we could leave. About a minute later, Steve's mom walks out and Steve followed, setting off the alarm at the door and getting physically pulled back into the store. When Steve and their mom got to the back room of the store, they decided that they would try to pin the blame on me so that Steve wouldn't get kicked out of *extracurricular school activity* and so they could avoid having a criminal record. After Steve and their mom got done blaming me, I was told to come back into the store and I did so willingly because I knew better than to try to escape and end up with worse charges than I was already gonna be stuck with. When I got to the back, a cop was already there and the merchandise had already been totaled up to the price of almost 500 dollars worth of *specific items*. If the blame had all been on one person, this would have been a felony shoplifting charge. But since I was dragged into the whole mess, it was split down the middle and we both got misdemeanor charges and the cost of reimbursing the store for the items was split down the middle. We both got a year of probation (which wouldn't increase as long as we both stayed out of trouble and did what the court ordered we do), having to keep our grades up in school, about 200 dollars each in reimbursement costs, about 200 in court fees, 30 hours of community service, and we both had to get fingerprinted at the police station. Steve and I are both under 18, so the charges will go away once we are legally adults. Steve has been attracting a lot of attention because they are skipping school and trying to act like probation is all fun and games. Steve thinks that just because they have the fine paid off that they are untouchable. But probation has been a lot harder on Steve with grades and community service since they are being an ass. Probation has pretty much left me alone except for biweekly appointments and the occasional house check. I haven't paid any of my fine or done any community service and my grades are for the most part barely passing, but since I'm not causing trouble they aren't really pushing the issue. We are about halfway through the probation sentence, and as long as the community service and fines are paid by the end, there won't be any further charges or punishment. I should be off probation just before I turn 18, so I won't have to worry about the charges following me my whole life. Steve, on the other hand, has been acting like a little trailer trash gutter punk, so they will be on probation a whooooolllle lot longer for bad behavior. Sounds to me like Karma is coming back to bite Steve in the ass.
Anyways, that is the story of how I got "caught" shoplifting. Hopefully you all can learn from my experience, and the most important take away from this incident in my opinion is to TRUST NO ONE!
IllegalExpertGirl
Thursday, April 13, 2017
Hiding Your Secret Habits
While it's relatively easy to hide your shoplifting from the outside world, your friends and family will notice if you start dressing in designer clothes and eating all name brand organic foods while you work at mcd0n@ld$ and spend almost your entire pay check on rent. You need to make sure you can keep up your presentation while you hide the fact that you are living on stolen goods. Here is a lost of some ways you can do so.
1. Volunteer.
No one is going to think that precious little Susie who volunteers at the senior center is a shoplifter. And darling little Steven who helps out at the preschool could never be the one stealing. Go around your town and help where you can. The elementary school is having a volunteer egg hunt for Easter? Steal a couple bags of candy and help fill the eggs for the kids. Food pantry needs over the counter medicine to distribute? Steal a purse full of aspirin and cough drops and donate them. Make sure everyone knows what a great person you are.
2. Don't be super obvious that you have a lot of new stuff.
A couple close friends or relatives might notice your new vase or a new pair of shoes, but EVERYONE will notice if you're entire house is redecorated in high-end shit every other week. Instead of displaying large amounts of the stolen goods that will look out of place (for example, expensive silk bedding on a thrift store mattress, name brand high-end personal hygiene products in a shitty looking bathroom, real leather wallet in a pr@d@ purse holding your food stamp card, etc), display an item or two once in a while and make a big deal about your "splurge." Talk about how much it cost and how long you had to save up to be able to afford it, etc. Act like you just wanted something nice to gift to yourself. Just don't get carried away or else people will step in to try to "help with your spending problem." Only show off one or two "treats" you got yourself every couple weeks or so. This way it will look like a fun little "splurge" and not a "shopping addiction."
3. Don't steal all name brand expensive stuff.
Almost everyone has some nice things, whether the things be a certain food that they only eat if it's name brand, or if they only wear n!ke'$ and would faint at the thought of wearing w@lm@rt shoes. Whatever it is that you specifically want to be the higher-end brand, just make sure you keep up appearances. If you live in a piece of shit trailer in the scummy part of town, then don't have your whole place decorated in leather and gold plating. It's better to get nice clothes and shoes so when you go out of town no one will suspect you as someone who steals, because nice clothes and shoes means you (probably) have money. Get name brand foods and mix them in with the normal, everyday "poor people" foods. You know the foods I mean; doll@r $t0re brand cereal, w@lm@rt brand milk, whatever. If you want, keep the empty packaging from the cheap shit and just refill it with the name brand stuff. Pour the pep$i into a d0ll@r store brand cola bottle, put the bag of fr00t l00p$ in the w@lm@rt brand "fruity wheels" box, etc. This way if anyone looks in your cabinets for a snack, they will assume you can only afford the shitty poor person food. And you probably only need to buy (or steal) the poor people shit once, just keep reusing the packaging as long as it hasn't been years and the product has a "new look" in the stores. Check once in a while to make sure your packaging is still convincing.
4. Appear as if you are making enough money to afford the things you steal.
Tell people that you took a second job out of town and now you're bringing in insane amounts of money every week. Talk about how great the pay is, but describe it as a really shitty job that is too hard. This way, no one will try to "get a job working with you" but they'll still think that you have a good income. Just be careful, because if someone finds out that you're lying, they'll think you have a spending problem and try to step in and "help."
IllegalExpertGirl
1. Volunteer.
No one is going to think that precious little Susie who volunteers at the senior center is a shoplifter. And darling little Steven who helps out at the preschool could never be the one stealing. Go around your town and help where you can. The elementary school is having a volunteer egg hunt for Easter? Steal a couple bags of candy and help fill the eggs for the kids. Food pantry needs over the counter medicine to distribute? Steal a purse full of aspirin and cough drops and donate them. Make sure everyone knows what a great person you are.
2. Don't be super obvious that you have a lot of new stuff.
A couple close friends or relatives might notice your new vase or a new pair of shoes, but EVERYONE will notice if you're entire house is redecorated in high-end shit every other week. Instead of displaying large amounts of the stolen goods that will look out of place (for example, expensive silk bedding on a thrift store mattress, name brand high-end personal hygiene products in a shitty looking bathroom, real leather wallet in a pr@d@ purse holding your food stamp card, etc), display an item or two once in a while and make a big deal about your "splurge." Talk about how much it cost and how long you had to save up to be able to afford it, etc. Act like you just wanted something nice to gift to yourself. Just don't get carried away or else people will step in to try to "help with your spending problem." Only show off one or two "treats" you got yourself every couple weeks or so. This way it will look like a fun little "splurge" and not a "shopping addiction."
3. Don't steal all name brand expensive stuff.
Almost everyone has some nice things, whether the things be a certain food that they only eat if it's name brand, or if they only wear n!ke'$ and would faint at the thought of wearing w@lm@rt shoes. Whatever it is that you specifically want to be the higher-end brand, just make sure you keep up appearances. If you live in a piece of shit trailer in the scummy part of town, then don't have your whole place decorated in leather and gold plating. It's better to get nice clothes and shoes so when you go out of town no one will suspect you as someone who steals, because nice clothes and shoes means you (probably) have money. Get name brand foods and mix them in with the normal, everyday "poor people" foods. You know the foods I mean; doll@r $t0re brand cereal, w@lm@rt brand milk, whatever. If you want, keep the empty packaging from the cheap shit and just refill it with the name brand stuff. Pour the pep$i into a d0ll@r store brand cola bottle, put the bag of fr00t l00p$ in the w@lm@rt brand "fruity wheels" box, etc. This way if anyone looks in your cabinets for a snack, they will assume you can only afford the shitty poor person food. And you probably only need to buy (or steal) the poor people shit once, just keep reusing the packaging as long as it hasn't been years and the product has a "new look" in the stores. Check once in a while to make sure your packaging is still convincing.
4. Appear as if you are making enough money to afford the things you steal.
Tell people that you took a second job out of town and now you're bringing in insane amounts of money every week. Talk about how great the pay is, but describe it as a really shitty job that is too hard. This way, no one will try to "get a job working with you" but they'll still think that you have a good income. Just be careful, because if someone finds out that you're lying, they'll think you have a spending problem and try to step in and "help."
IllegalExpertGirl
Signs You Are Getting Too Confident With Your Shoplifting Abilities & How To Fix It
There are a lot of signs that you are getting over confident in your ability to get away with shoplifting. Some signs are more easily identifiable, while others go unnoticed until you really reflect on your habits. Here is my list of signs you are on your way to getting caught, and how to fix those problems before you end up with a criminal charge.
SIGN 1: Your main goal is to get out of the store without being stopped.
While avoiding confrontation is a good shoplifting habit to get into, it shouldn't be your priority. It isn't good enough to just be able to run faster than the LP. You should be focused on making sure no one even knows what you're up to, not just getting away with it. You are much less likely to get caught and charged if the LP hasn't been notified than if you just get out without a struggle.
SIGN 2: You are making large hauls.
Yea, everyone knows it; it's nice to have a lot of stuff for free. But is it really worth getting hundreds of dollars in fines and a long time on probation just for a big bag of random shit? There's nothing wrong with accumulating large amounts of stolen goods, but it is better to gradually collect the items rather than go on one big stealing spree. No one will miss a pack of gum or a couple pens or that eyeliner you've been wanting, but it's obvious when you walk out with a bulging bag and there's half the store's inventory missing. Go small and keep the items in different places on your person. That way if you do get caught, you're less likely to have all of the items found, and a smaller haul means smaller fines (or even none at all). Tuck the pens in your boots, a couple magazines in the back of your pants, a prepaid gift card in your wallet, etc. Then if you are stopped and they only check your bag and pockets, then they won't find as much (or any) of the supposedly stolen items. If they only find like $20 or less, they likely won't press charges and just let you go with a warning.
SIGN 3: You are stealing more and more expensive items.
It's nice to appear as if you live a life of luxury and have all of the best high-end items, but the pricier products tend to be better secured and monitored. A lot of name brand products (cheet0$, pr!ngle$, etc) tend to be exactly the same as the store brand; many are even made in the same factory and just packaged differently! This doesn't just go for food; many clothing items, personal hygiene products, etc tend to be the same regardless of price or brand. It's better to go for the cheaper "knock-off" version than the high-end expensive shit. Who cares if the w@lm@rt brand swimsuit goes missing, but if the l@ perl@ swimsuit is gone then all hell will break loose and they will be HUNTING you down.
SIGN 4: You are shoplifting every time you go into a store.
A lot of stores have employees who don't really care what anyone does as long as they get paid. So as long as you don't overdo it, they won't care. But if you are coming in every single day on the same person's shift and stealing a bunch of shit, then they will have the threat of getting fired if they don't find out who is stealing. Have a rotation of stores that you will shoplift from, and don't always go at the same time. For example, if you go to w@lm@rt at 10 am one day and shoplift, then wait a week or two and go back at night and shoplift. While you're waiting for w@lm@rt to come back into the rotation, go to other stores and shoplift. It might mean you have to spend more gas money, but the haul will be well worth it.
SIGN 5: You are doing more spontaneous shoplifting.
Sometimes it's tempting to just pocket something while you're in a store. But without a good plan, you aren't likely to get away with it. Go into the store BEFORE you do any shoplifting. Scope out cameras, look for products that you are interested in stealing, locate the entrances and exits. Make a detailed mental plan on how you are going to get in, get your items, and get out without suspicion. DON'T MAKE A PHYSICAL WRITTEN PLAN OR MAP! It should be pretty obvious why; it's easier to hide a plan in your mind than to try to destroy the evidence on paper or on your phone when the cops have it in their hands. Have a plan, but appear as if it were spontaneous. This way, if you do get caught, it will only be a shoplifting charge instead of a burglary charge.
SIGN 6: You have been testing the limits of your abilities.
I get it, you've been getting away with your smaller hauls so far and you want to make the leap from amateur to professional shoplifter. That's great and all, but without the knowledge and experience that comes with time, you are setting yourself up for disaster. Becoming a professional shoplifter will often happen without you realizing it. So if you have to make the conscious decision to "become a professional," then you aren't ready. Just let the process go naturally; over time you will develop better shoplifting skills and slowly go from amateur to intermediate to professional.
SIGN 7: You have had a near miss.
This is one of the biggest signs that you are getting cocky. A near miss means that you need to take a step back and acknowledge what you need to do better. Almost got caught stealing a big bag of candy? Start making smaller, more frequent thefts of the small bag of candy instead of the jumbo bag. Almost got caught because an item fell out of where you had it concealed and someone saw? Make sure future items are firmly placed where there is no chance of anyone knowing you have merchandise on your person. Loosely place some duck tape under your shirt, and use it to secure items to your body. Duck tape fixes everything.
SIGN 8: You're getting bored and feel like you never get enough items in a haul.
It's better to feel like you didn't get as much as you wanted but get away with it than to try to grab everything you could ever want and get caught. If you can't be happy with the items you can get in a single haul, then make your outings more frequent. You want (for whatever reason) 20 bags of candy? Get a couple bags every time you go into the store. Eventually you will have as many as you originally wanted, but you won't have to worry about hiding a million things in your bag all at once. Boredom is safety. If you are bored, it means you are getting away with shoplifting. It might be exciting to sprint out the door with a shit ton of products and speed off before the LP can get your licence plate numbers, but it means you almost got caught. Think about how excited you were when you first got away with shoplifting. Over time that feeling should wear off. If you are still getting really excited about shoplifting, then you are probably gonna get caught soon.
That's all I can think of for now.
IllegalExpertGirl
SIGN 1: Your main goal is to get out of the store without being stopped.
While avoiding confrontation is a good shoplifting habit to get into, it shouldn't be your priority. It isn't good enough to just be able to run faster than the LP. You should be focused on making sure no one even knows what you're up to, not just getting away with it. You are much less likely to get caught and charged if the LP hasn't been notified than if you just get out without a struggle.
SIGN 2: You are making large hauls.
Yea, everyone knows it; it's nice to have a lot of stuff for free. But is it really worth getting hundreds of dollars in fines and a long time on probation just for a big bag of random shit? There's nothing wrong with accumulating large amounts of stolen goods, but it is better to gradually collect the items rather than go on one big stealing spree. No one will miss a pack of gum or a couple pens or that eyeliner you've been wanting, but it's obvious when you walk out with a bulging bag and there's half the store's inventory missing. Go small and keep the items in different places on your person. That way if you do get caught, you're less likely to have all of the items found, and a smaller haul means smaller fines (or even none at all). Tuck the pens in your boots, a couple magazines in the back of your pants, a prepaid gift card in your wallet, etc. Then if you are stopped and they only check your bag and pockets, then they won't find as much (or any) of the supposedly stolen items. If they only find like $20 or less, they likely won't press charges and just let you go with a warning.
SIGN 3: You are stealing more and more expensive items.
It's nice to appear as if you live a life of luxury and have all of the best high-end items, but the pricier products tend to be better secured and monitored. A lot of name brand products (cheet0$, pr!ngle$, etc) tend to be exactly the same as the store brand; many are even made in the same factory and just packaged differently! This doesn't just go for food; many clothing items, personal hygiene products, etc tend to be the same regardless of price or brand. It's better to go for the cheaper "knock-off" version than the high-end expensive shit. Who cares if the w@lm@rt brand swimsuit goes missing, but if the l@ perl@ swimsuit is gone then all hell will break loose and they will be HUNTING you down.
SIGN 4: You are shoplifting every time you go into a store.
A lot of stores have employees who don't really care what anyone does as long as they get paid. So as long as you don't overdo it, they won't care. But if you are coming in every single day on the same person's shift and stealing a bunch of shit, then they will have the threat of getting fired if they don't find out who is stealing. Have a rotation of stores that you will shoplift from, and don't always go at the same time. For example, if you go to w@lm@rt at 10 am one day and shoplift, then wait a week or two and go back at night and shoplift. While you're waiting for w@lm@rt to come back into the rotation, go to other stores and shoplift. It might mean you have to spend more gas money, but the haul will be well worth it.
SIGN 5: You are doing more spontaneous shoplifting.
Sometimes it's tempting to just pocket something while you're in a store. But without a good plan, you aren't likely to get away with it. Go into the store BEFORE you do any shoplifting. Scope out cameras, look for products that you are interested in stealing, locate the entrances and exits. Make a detailed mental plan on how you are going to get in, get your items, and get out without suspicion. DON'T MAKE A PHYSICAL WRITTEN PLAN OR MAP! It should be pretty obvious why; it's easier to hide a plan in your mind than to try to destroy the evidence on paper or on your phone when the cops have it in their hands. Have a plan, but appear as if it were spontaneous. This way, if you do get caught, it will only be a shoplifting charge instead of a burglary charge.
SIGN 6: You have been testing the limits of your abilities.
I get it, you've been getting away with your smaller hauls so far and you want to make the leap from amateur to professional shoplifter. That's great and all, but without the knowledge and experience that comes with time, you are setting yourself up for disaster. Becoming a professional shoplifter will often happen without you realizing it. So if you have to make the conscious decision to "become a professional," then you aren't ready. Just let the process go naturally; over time you will develop better shoplifting skills and slowly go from amateur to intermediate to professional.
SIGN 7: You have had a near miss.
This is one of the biggest signs that you are getting cocky. A near miss means that you need to take a step back and acknowledge what you need to do better. Almost got caught stealing a big bag of candy? Start making smaller, more frequent thefts of the small bag of candy instead of the jumbo bag. Almost got caught because an item fell out of where you had it concealed and someone saw? Make sure future items are firmly placed where there is no chance of anyone knowing you have merchandise on your person. Loosely place some duck tape under your shirt, and use it to secure items to your body. Duck tape fixes everything.
SIGN 8: You're getting bored and feel like you never get enough items in a haul.
It's better to feel like you didn't get as much as you wanted but get away with it than to try to grab everything you could ever want and get caught. If you can't be happy with the items you can get in a single haul, then make your outings more frequent. You want (for whatever reason) 20 bags of candy? Get a couple bags every time you go into the store. Eventually you will have as many as you originally wanted, but you won't have to worry about hiding a million things in your bag all at once. Boredom is safety. If you are bored, it means you are getting away with shoplifting. It might be exciting to sprint out the door with a shit ton of products and speed off before the LP can get your licence plate numbers, but it means you almost got caught. Think about how excited you were when you first got away with shoplifting. Over time that feeling should wear off. If you are still getting really excited about shoplifting, then you are probably gonna get caught soon.
That's all I can think of for now.
IllegalExpertGirl
Sunday, March 12, 2017
Don't Be Stupid With Your Money!
Keep money in your bank account! What's the point of shoplifting if you aren't going to use it to get ahead? Once you start shoplifting for things you need, you can save that money for things you can't steal. Get yourself a nice house, nice car, pamper yourself, go to the spa, get a massage, buy drugs if that's what you're into, go get drunk if you want. Do you think that sitting around hungry in a nasty ass trailer driving a piece of shit car with an almost empty gas tank while smelling like a dumpster will make you feel good? No, take care of yourself. Keep yourself looking good. Let people know that you are doing well. Save your money, get rich, get ahead. Don't be a dumbass. If you shoplift, you are giving yourself the opportunity of a lifetime to save money and get ahead. Work under the table alongside your "normal" job, you'll have untaxed money every week and still get a good tax return every year. Work at a job that you have to buy supplies for (shoes, tools, etc) and then go steal the most expensive ones from the store. Put it on your tax return and get more money back. Work requires new boots or a set of power tools? Steal them. Steal good foods for your lunches. Can't work if you're hungry right? Every weekend, go out to the bar or something. It's hard to get away with stealing cigarettes and things like that kept behind the counter. Save your money from shoplifting other things and use it to buy what you can't five finger discount. You can't steal a house, you can't (theoretically) steal a car or gas, you can't (again theoretically) rob a bank or person to get fast money. Save what money you have and keep it tucked away.
Why It's Easier To Shoplift and Scam as a Man
Like the instances described in my last post, men also have advantages when it comes to shoplifting.
1. Easy drastic changes in appearance. Men can grow beards, shave beards, grow their hair, shave their hair off; changes in hair can drastically change how someone looks.
2. No purse worries. If a man carrying nothing and a woman carrying a large bulky purse walk out of the store at the same time and the alarm goes off, the woman will automatically be suspected as the thief. Men can hide items on their body, like in baggy jeans, etc, and it looks normal. Women are often expected to wear tight fitting clothes, so if a woman wears big baggy sweatpants, she is already being watched, whether it is being watched as a potential shoplifter or just because people are judging her outfit.
3. Many people will not confront a man because they are scared of being attacked. People are more likely to confront a 90 pound woman than a 190 pound man, because they have a better chance of overpowering the woman than they would the man.
Many people (mostly older men) feel that men are more trustworthy than women. This can be used to your advantage in a lot of situations, like scamming. If you have a box of nice professional business cards with pictures of you in a good looking suits and ties, you will be able to get a lot of people to trust you. You can do half-assed work for people, and they will likely still pay you and not say anything just because you're male, or because of the third reason listed above.
1. Easy drastic changes in appearance. Men can grow beards, shave beards, grow their hair, shave their hair off; changes in hair can drastically change how someone looks.
2. No purse worries. If a man carrying nothing and a woman carrying a large bulky purse walk out of the store at the same time and the alarm goes off, the woman will automatically be suspected as the thief. Men can hide items on their body, like in baggy jeans, etc, and it looks normal. Women are often expected to wear tight fitting clothes, so if a woman wears big baggy sweatpants, she is already being watched, whether it is being watched as a potential shoplifter or just because people are judging her outfit.
3. Many people will not confront a man because they are scared of being attacked. People are more likely to confront a 90 pound woman than a 190 pound man, because they have a better chance of overpowering the woman than they would the man.
Many people (mostly older men) feel that men are more trustworthy than women. This can be used to your advantage in a lot of situations, like scamming. If you have a box of nice professional business cards with pictures of you in a good looking suits and ties, you will be able to get a lot of people to trust you. You can do half-assed work for people, and they will likely still pay you and not say anything just because you're male, or because of the third reason listed above.
Thursday, March 9, 2017
Why It's Easier to Shoplift and Scam as a Woman
There are a lot of things that make it easier to shoplift as a woman.
1. Women are expected to carry around purses, and large tote style purses are often in style. A man carrying a purse looks suspicious no matter the location.
2. It's more accepted for a woman to be doing the shopping for the household. A man shopping looks suspicious unless he's with his wife or girlfriend.
3. Women are expected to be calm, law-abiding, and non-threatening.
4. Women can wander for hours going in and out of every aisle, while men are expected to just get in and out. It's easier to exhaust an LP by wandering around for hours than to try to escape.
5. Women can make multiple trips to the bathroom to conceal items and just claim to be pregnant.
6. Women can claim sexual harassment if an LP or employee touches them when trying to apprehend them, and no store is going to risk getting slapped with a lawsuit because someone grabbed your arm or asked to look in your bag.
While it is easier to shoplift as a woman, there are still some necessary precautions to take.
1. Dress nicely, but not too fancy. Wear somewhat fitted clothes. People will look at you and see that you clearly can't fit a CD down your skinny jeans (unless you have a fuckin huge vagina). Put on some makeup, do your hair, look like every other sheeple. The less you stick out, the better.
2. Do not use backpacks, messanger bags, or any bags with a lot of flaps or zippers, or any really small purses. Get a large purse that stands upright on its own, and has several pockets on the inside.
3. Inside the purse, keep the following items:
a. Your "shopping list"- list the fake things first, then the things you plan on shoplifting
b. Your phone- this is important so you can "check the time" or whatever as an excuse for why you're in your purse so much
c. Your car keys- unless you walked to the store
d. Your credit/debit card- this way you can pay if you are stopped, but the LP can't incriminate you by saying you only had cash
e. A scarf or a hat or something similar- Wear these items into the store and take them off as if you are too hot. Use them to cover the stolen goods.
f. A small pocket knife or small pair of scissors or very sharp nail clippers- to cut open packages without being too suspicious looking if your bag is checked.
4. Don't go for the biggest container of something. It is easier to steal the small, individual sizes of expensive shampoo and conditioner than to try to steal the big family sized bottles.
5. Try to shoplift only small breakable items. Little glass containers of 10 dollar olive oil, small glass bottles of perfume, whatever would break easily if just put down in the cart rather than in the child seat with your purse. This way you can claim that you were worried about the items breaking in the cart if you are asked. Then you can just slip the items in and go about your shopping.
6. Listen to the announcements. Department 64, 79, and 70 are common code names for the LP in the store. If you hear one of these departments paged to where you are located in the store, then move to a completely separate area. Moving from the women's clothes to the men's clothes isn't far enough, as the LP will check the surrounding areas. Go across the store.
7. Remove all packaging from the items. Even if they don't have one of the little magnetic security devices, they may still set off the alarms. It's better to take the extra time to open everything than to just try to run out the door without being stopped.
8. Don't leave using the same door you came in (unless the store only has one door). Some larger stores have up to 4 exits. It's worth the walk once you get out of the building with your haul.
IllegalExpertGirl
1. Women are expected to carry around purses, and large tote style purses are often in style. A man carrying a purse looks suspicious no matter the location.
2. It's more accepted for a woman to be doing the shopping for the household. A man shopping looks suspicious unless he's with his wife or girlfriend.
3. Women are expected to be calm, law-abiding, and non-threatening.
4. Women can wander for hours going in and out of every aisle, while men are expected to just get in and out. It's easier to exhaust an LP by wandering around for hours than to try to escape.
5. Women can make multiple trips to the bathroom to conceal items and just claim to be pregnant.
6. Women can claim sexual harassment if an LP or employee touches them when trying to apprehend them, and no store is going to risk getting slapped with a lawsuit because someone grabbed your arm or asked to look in your bag.
While it is easier to shoplift as a woman, there are still some necessary precautions to take.
1. Dress nicely, but not too fancy. Wear somewhat fitted clothes. People will look at you and see that you clearly can't fit a CD down your skinny jeans (unless you have a fuckin huge vagina). Put on some makeup, do your hair, look like every other sheeple. The less you stick out, the better.
2. Do not use backpacks, messanger bags, or any bags with a lot of flaps or zippers, or any really small purses. Get a large purse that stands upright on its own, and has several pockets on the inside.
3. Inside the purse, keep the following items:
a. Your "shopping list"- list the fake things first, then the things you plan on shoplifting
b. Your phone- this is important so you can "check the time" or whatever as an excuse for why you're in your purse so much
c. Your car keys- unless you walked to the store
d. Your credit/debit card- this way you can pay if you are stopped, but the LP can't incriminate you by saying you only had cash
e. A scarf or a hat or something similar- Wear these items into the store and take them off as if you are too hot. Use them to cover the stolen goods.
f. A small pocket knife or small pair of scissors or very sharp nail clippers- to cut open packages without being too suspicious looking if your bag is checked.
4. Don't go for the biggest container of something. It is easier to steal the small, individual sizes of expensive shampoo and conditioner than to try to steal the big family sized bottles.
5. Try to shoplift only small breakable items. Little glass containers of 10 dollar olive oil, small glass bottles of perfume, whatever would break easily if just put down in the cart rather than in the child seat with your purse. This way you can claim that you were worried about the items breaking in the cart if you are asked. Then you can just slip the items in and go about your shopping.
6. Listen to the announcements. Department 64, 79, and 70 are common code names for the LP in the store. If you hear one of these departments paged to where you are located in the store, then move to a completely separate area. Moving from the women's clothes to the men's clothes isn't far enough, as the LP will check the surrounding areas. Go across the store.
7. Remove all packaging from the items. Even if they don't have one of the little magnetic security devices, they may still set off the alarms. It's better to take the extra time to open everything than to just try to run out the door without being stopped.
8. Don't leave using the same door you came in (unless the store only has one door). Some larger stores have up to 4 exits. It's worth the walk once you get out of the building with your haul.
IllegalExpertGirl
More Shoplifting Tips
Fore Warning: Some of these tips are specifically for women.
1. Most of the cameras in stores are fake or not being watched unless they are in high-traffic areas.
2. High traffic areas include main hallways (like in malls), entrances and exits, the electronic department, the makeup aisles, in-store banks or ATMs, and the pharmacy.
3. Only conceal an item if you are absolutely certain that there are no cameras and no people around.
4. Use racism to your advantage. If you are white, you won't be watched as much as a darker person. If you are black/hispanic/whatever, have one of your white friends steal for you while you distract the employees.
5. Dress well. Wear form fitting, neutral colored, season-appropriate clothing. Don't make yourself noticeable with clothes that stand out.
6. Make sure your jacket has an inside pocket to conceal small items.
7. Wear a jacket with a thick lining, to cover any outlines of items you have concealed.
8. Don't drop things down your pants. Not only is it really obvious that you are concealing something when you are digging at you crotch, but it also draws attention to be groping yourself in public.
9. If you wear knee-high boots, you can pretend to scratch your legs or whatever and slip in small items. And if you wear tall boots that are a few sizes too big, you can steal socks or whatever and stuff them down around your feet.
10. Most stores don't pay much attention if you load up the reusable bags with food items while they are sitting in the cart. Don't fill a backpack or purse if you can use reusable bags instead.
11. If you use reusable bags, don't walk straight out. Make it look like you went through a checkout lane. Go to the in store fast food place and sit down and eat as if you got hungry while shopping and wanted to grab a bite to eat before you left with your groceries.
12. Go to the pharmacy and buy a box of tampons as a cover for whatever is in the reusable bags.
13. Keep old receipts from the same store. Flash them if the alarm goes off.
14. Wear light, natural makeup and do your hair nicely but not too fancy.
15. If you don't think you can get out without suspicion, then go up to a male employee (try to look for a wedding ring, no ring means no stop with this technique). Flirt your heart out while asking if they have a product that you know they don't have at the store. Play with your hair, give him goo-goo eyes, bat your lashes, stick out your chest/butt/whatever. When the employee tells you that they don't carry the product, ask if he knows of any other store that carry the product. Then casually walk out..
16. Buy something small when you shoplift. It might not always work, but it may help if you can show a receipt for the only thing that anyone can see that you have.
17. After you've made a purchase, go into the bathroom and move anything you have concealed in your purse/clothing/whatever and put the items in your bags with the items you actually paid for. Then go back through the store and pick up another item or two and pay for them. If you want extra protection from suspicion, ask one of the cashiers if you can leave your cart at their counter while you go get a couple other things. The cashier won't check your cart because everything is already in bags and you had a receipt with you. Then go through their line and pay for the other items, and pick up your cart. If anyone says anything, just say that you had to use the bathroom and you remembered a couple things you needed to buy.
18. If you have even the slightest feeling that someone is on to you, drop everything and leave the store.
19. It's better to leave with nothing than to leave with a criminal record.
20. Make a calendar and mark down the different stores you have hit that month. It's easier to have a key labeling different stores with different colored markers/pens so you can just make a colored star instead of writing out the name of every store. At the most extreme, you should never hit the same store more than bi-weekly. Once a month is a much safer schedule.
21. You can go into the same store as often as you want, but only shoplift once a month or so.
22. Travel a little. Go all around the area and hit the same chain at different locations.
23. Don't get greedy. If no one saw you steal that eyeliner, don't try for that hair curler. Be happy with smaller, more frequent hauls rather that large hauls every couple weeks. You are less likely to get caught if you only have a handful of items every week than if you have a big bag full of stolen items every month.
24. Be adaptable. Many stores have a thing on google that shows how busy they are at that moment and how busy they have been that day. Go on busier days but at times when the store is slow.
25. Steal your groceries and use the money to buy other things.
26. To steal groceries, take two reusable bags and keep them in your shopping cart. Fill them with whatever food you want, but keep everything separated. Move quickly, know what you want beforehand, have a grocery list written out. Staff won't question you because some people are just picky like that. But you have to be in and out, don't hang around the store. Remove the bags from the cart in a blind spot near the front of the store and go to the bathroom, then leave.
27. Don't be suspicious. Most people don't just grab the most expensive version of an item without checking the less expensive ones. Compare prices, compare calories, compare brands. Don't make a big show of it, but don't just grab whatever and go. Act as if you are buying something that you've never tried before.
28. For lip balm or other makeup items; Pocket them, and go to the bathroom. Remove the packaging, and use some toilet paper to rub some of the product and make it look as if you have had the items for a while.
29. Don't hit a store more than twice a month. They will catch on eventually.
30. Be calm. If it's the middle of winter or if the air conditioning is turned up all the way in the store and you're walking around sweating, then you will look really out of place.
31. Go into the store expecting to shoplift but grab items spontaneously. Some days are better for stealing food, some days are better for stealing makeup. Take whatever opportunities arise, even if you don't immediately need that item.
32. Take whatever method is best for you at the time. Only buy something if you think someone is on to you, otherwise don't bother unless you feel like getting a snack or drink or something.
33. Go into the store with a family member or friend. Leave them to go "check on the price of an item" and then go steal whatever it is you want. When you're done, let them buy their shit and walk out with them. If the alarm goes off, keep walking. After all, you aren't the one who bought anything.
34. Your bra is your best friend, especially if you have either very small or very big boobs. Flat chested girls can wear a bra that's a few sizes too big with a lot of padding and stuff it full of items. Large chested girls can tuck a lot in their boobs and if they're big enough (like a DD or larger) you can hide a lot of items in them without even leaving an outline. Wearing a jacket can help cover any bumps and outlines.
35. For beauty items like tooth whitening strips, get a couple large squishy items like a couple shirts or a small throw blanket and buy them so you have the bag. These items don't cost more than like 5 bucks, so you aren't gonna break the bank. Then go pick up the box of whitening strips or whatever, and tuck it in wrapped up in the blanket/shirts. Free 60 dollar sample. Just don't do this too often at the same store because whitening strips are expensive and will be noticed easily.
36. For the 20 dollar shoe insoles, you can either shove them in your inner jacket pocket or just put them in your shoes.
37. Keep your hands in sight at all times.
38. It's better to get nothing than to get caught. Once you're caught, you're screwed.
39. To make a profit, steal larger items and sell them online with the story that it was a gift but it's not what you wanted. Sell the items for like 5-10 dollars less than they were originally.
40. Don't try to return stolen items to the store. That's just acting to be caught.
41. If you don't want an item and you can't sell it, then use it as a gift.
42. If you have a relative who won't give you cash, have them buy you stuff. Steal the receipt however you want, and then return the item with the receipt for cash in the store.
43. The best way to steal clothes is to take a couple shirts into the dressing room with smaller items like underwear, etc tucked into them where they can't be seen. "Try" on the clothes and conceal the smaller items in your bra or layer them on under your clothes.
44. If you steal clothes in the dressing rooms, hide the price tags in your pockets or waistband and hide them in the pockets of pairs of pants or coats or whatever while you "browse."
45. If someone is making eye contact, following you, watching you, standing too close, whatever, just drop everything and leave.
46. Cut a hole in the lining of your coat. If you are stopped, flip your pockets for the employee. Nothing there.
47. If you are stealing a DVD or video game, remove it from the package and then hide it in the box of something else that you are actually buying.
48. If you are going to scope out cameras by looking up and peeking around, do it when you aren't actually shoplifting.
49. It's easier to scope out cameras from the corner of your eye, or to pretend to look at the top shelves.
50. Never wear the same thing to shoplift. The same shoes or the same coat is one thing, but not the same backpack or purse. Go to a thrift store or yard sale and buy a couple purses. Rotate through a dozen or so purses. If you use the same purse every time, the employees will remember it.
51. Most stores don't care enough to prosecute if the item is worth less than 20 dollars.
52. Keep hauls small and frequent with the dollar value as low as possible. Go into a store, grab a few items, stash them, and leave, repeating as many times as you want as fast as possible. Limit yourself to 20-30 minutes and then don't go back for a month. If you have 15 separate 20 dollar hits but only get caught for one, then your charges will be much less than if you got caught with 1 big 300 dollar haul.
53. The easiest way to shoplift is to drop the item into a friend or family member's bag. This way if the group gets stopped, it was them, not you. And if you drop the item into a sibling's bag, then your parents will be focused on watching them when you are out shopping as a family, leaving you to steal as you please.
1. Most of the cameras in stores are fake or not being watched unless they are in high-traffic areas.
2. High traffic areas include main hallways (like in malls), entrances and exits, the electronic department, the makeup aisles, in-store banks or ATMs, and the pharmacy.
3. Only conceal an item if you are absolutely certain that there are no cameras and no people around.
4. Use racism to your advantage. If you are white, you won't be watched as much as a darker person. If you are black/hispanic/whatever, have one of your white friends steal for you while you distract the employees.
5. Dress well. Wear form fitting, neutral colored, season-appropriate clothing. Don't make yourself noticeable with clothes that stand out.
6. Make sure your jacket has an inside pocket to conceal small items.
7. Wear a jacket with a thick lining, to cover any outlines of items you have concealed.
8. Don't drop things down your pants. Not only is it really obvious that you are concealing something when you are digging at you crotch, but it also draws attention to be groping yourself in public.
9. If you wear knee-high boots, you can pretend to scratch your legs or whatever and slip in small items. And if you wear tall boots that are a few sizes too big, you can steal socks or whatever and stuff them down around your feet.
10. Most stores don't pay much attention if you load up the reusable bags with food items while they are sitting in the cart. Don't fill a backpack or purse if you can use reusable bags instead.
11. If you use reusable bags, don't walk straight out. Make it look like you went through a checkout lane. Go to the in store fast food place and sit down and eat as if you got hungry while shopping and wanted to grab a bite to eat before you left with your groceries.
12. Go to the pharmacy and buy a box of tampons as a cover for whatever is in the reusable bags.
13. Keep old receipts from the same store. Flash them if the alarm goes off.
14. Wear light, natural makeup and do your hair nicely but not too fancy.
15. If you don't think you can get out without suspicion, then go up to a male employee (try to look for a wedding ring, no ring means no stop with this technique). Flirt your heart out while asking if they have a product that you know they don't have at the store. Play with your hair, give him goo-goo eyes, bat your lashes, stick out your chest/butt/whatever. When the employee tells you that they don't carry the product, ask if he knows of any other store that carry the product. Then casually walk out..
16. Buy something small when you shoplift. It might not always work, but it may help if you can show a receipt for the only thing that anyone can see that you have.
17. After you've made a purchase, go into the bathroom and move anything you have concealed in your purse/clothing/whatever and put the items in your bags with the items you actually paid for. Then go back through the store and pick up another item or two and pay for them. If you want extra protection from suspicion, ask one of the cashiers if you can leave your cart at their counter while you go get a couple other things. The cashier won't check your cart because everything is already in bags and you had a receipt with you. Then go through their line and pay for the other items, and pick up your cart. If anyone says anything, just say that you had to use the bathroom and you remembered a couple things you needed to buy.
18. If you have even the slightest feeling that someone is on to you, drop everything and leave the store.
19. It's better to leave with nothing than to leave with a criminal record.
20. Make a calendar and mark down the different stores you have hit that month. It's easier to have a key labeling different stores with different colored markers/pens so you can just make a colored star instead of writing out the name of every store. At the most extreme, you should never hit the same store more than bi-weekly. Once a month is a much safer schedule.
21. You can go into the same store as often as you want, but only shoplift once a month or so.
22. Travel a little. Go all around the area and hit the same chain at different locations.
23. Don't get greedy. If no one saw you steal that eyeliner, don't try for that hair curler. Be happy with smaller, more frequent hauls rather that large hauls every couple weeks. You are less likely to get caught if you only have a handful of items every week than if you have a big bag full of stolen items every month.
24. Be adaptable. Many stores have a thing on google that shows how busy they are at that moment and how busy they have been that day. Go on busier days but at times when the store is slow.
25. Steal your groceries and use the money to buy other things.
26. To steal groceries, take two reusable bags and keep them in your shopping cart. Fill them with whatever food you want, but keep everything separated. Move quickly, know what you want beforehand, have a grocery list written out. Staff won't question you because some people are just picky like that. But you have to be in and out, don't hang around the store. Remove the bags from the cart in a blind spot near the front of the store and go to the bathroom, then leave.
27. Don't be suspicious. Most people don't just grab the most expensive version of an item without checking the less expensive ones. Compare prices, compare calories, compare brands. Don't make a big show of it, but don't just grab whatever and go. Act as if you are buying something that you've never tried before.
28. For lip balm or other makeup items; Pocket them, and go to the bathroom. Remove the packaging, and use some toilet paper to rub some of the product and make it look as if you have had the items for a while.
29. Don't hit a store more than twice a month. They will catch on eventually.
30. Be calm. If it's the middle of winter or if the air conditioning is turned up all the way in the store and you're walking around sweating, then you will look really out of place.
31. Go into the store expecting to shoplift but grab items spontaneously. Some days are better for stealing food, some days are better for stealing makeup. Take whatever opportunities arise, even if you don't immediately need that item.
32. Take whatever method is best for you at the time. Only buy something if you think someone is on to you, otherwise don't bother unless you feel like getting a snack or drink or something.
33. Go into the store with a family member or friend. Leave them to go "check on the price of an item" and then go steal whatever it is you want. When you're done, let them buy their shit and walk out with them. If the alarm goes off, keep walking. After all, you aren't the one who bought anything.
34. Your bra is your best friend, especially if you have either very small or very big boobs. Flat chested girls can wear a bra that's a few sizes too big with a lot of padding and stuff it full of items. Large chested girls can tuck a lot in their boobs and if they're big enough (like a DD or larger) you can hide a lot of items in them without even leaving an outline. Wearing a jacket can help cover any bumps and outlines.
35. For beauty items like tooth whitening strips, get a couple large squishy items like a couple shirts or a small throw blanket and buy them so you have the bag. These items don't cost more than like 5 bucks, so you aren't gonna break the bank. Then go pick up the box of whitening strips or whatever, and tuck it in wrapped up in the blanket/shirts. Free 60 dollar sample. Just don't do this too often at the same store because whitening strips are expensive and will be noticed easily.
36. For the 20 dollar shoe insoles, you can either shove them in your inner jacket pocket or just put them in your shoes.
37. Keep your hands in sight at all times.
38. It's better to get nothing than to get caught. Once you're caught, you're screwed.
39. To make a profit, steal larger items and sell them online with the story that it was a gift but it's not what you wanted. Sell the items for like 5-10 dollars less than they were originally.
40. Don't try to return stolen items to the store. That's just acting to be caught.
41. If you don't want an item and you can't sell it, then use it as a gift.
42. If you have a relative who won't give you cash, have them buy you stuff. Steal the receipt however you want, and then return the item with the receipt for cash in the store.
43. The best way to steal clothes is to take a couple shirts into the dressing room with smaller items like underwear, etc tucked into them where they can't be seen. "Try" on the clothes and conceal the smaller items in your bra or layer them on under your clothes.
44. If you steal clothes in the dressing rooms, hide the price tags in your pockets or waistband and hide them in the pockets of pairs of pants or coats or whatever while you "browse."
45. If someone is making eye contact, following you, watching you, standing too close, whatever, just drop everything and leave.
46. Cut a hole in the lining of your coat. If you are stopped, flip your pockets for the employee. Nothing there.
47. If you are stealing a DVD or video game, remove it from the package and then hide it in the box of something else that you are actually buying.
48. If you are going to scope out cameras by looking up and peeking around, do it when you aren't actually shoplifting.
49. It's easier to scope out cameras from the corner of your eye, or to pretend to look at the top shelves.
50. Never wear the same thing to shoplift. The same shoes or the same coat is one thing, but not the same backpack or purse. Go to a thrift store or yard sale and buy a couple purses. Rotate through a dozen or so purses. If you use the same purse every time, the employees will remember it.
51. Most stores don't care enough to prosecute if the item is worth less than 20 dollars.
52. Keep hauls small and frequent with the dollar value as low as possible. Go into a store, grab a few items, stash them, and leave, repeating as many times as you want as fast as possible. Limit yourself to 20-30 minutes and then don't go back for a month. If you have 15 separate 20 dollar hits but only get caught for one, then your charges will be much less than if you got caught with 1 big 300 dollar haul.
53. The easiest way to shoplift is to drop the item into a friend or family member's bag. This way if the group gets stopped, it was them, not you. And if you drop the item into a sibling's bag, then your parents will be focused on watching them when you are out shopping as a family, leaving you to steal as you please.
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
Scamming and Thievery
People don't realize how easy it can be to begin a scam. Often, even if you are caught scamming, people will just accept the fact that they fell for it and be done without any legal consequences for you. One scam a lot of people are falling for right now is online apps, like W!sh and such. They have cheap products that look similar to the real thing, but are really just poorly made knockoffs. These apps becoming big things just go to show how stupid people can be when it comes to buying shit. Instead of buying a more expensive, high quality item, people would rather pay a few cents less for a cheap knockoff just because "it's less money, so it has to be better." Use this mentality to fool people.
1. Repackaging cheap items into expensive packages.
If you buy a bottle of Tylen0l and a bottle of the store brand acetaminophen, for example, you can keep the real thing for yourself and put the store brand pills in the name brand bottle and sell it claiming that you "used one pill and had a reaction to it" or something and that's why it's not sealed. You could also put a small pill-sized hole in the side under the wrapper, shake out all of the name brand pills, pop in all of the cheap pills, and glue the hole shut and glue the wrapper back over to cover the evidence. This way the package will still be sealed when the person opens it, but the product will still be switched. Then you can sell the 3 dollar pills for 8 dollars. This technique also works for bottled water, etc. You can buy expensive bottled water like Vo$$ or F!j! or whatever, and refill them with tap water and sell them at the same price as you bought them (or stole them, meaning you get 100 percent profit).
2. Selling stolen items THAT CAN'T BE TRACED!
Don't sell items like stolen phones, gaming systems, etc. These things can be traced by the serial numbers. You can, however, steal items like makeup, hair products, clothing, shoes, food, drinks, etc and sell them for profit. If you get the items for free then it doesn't matter how much of a discount you sell it at, you will still make a profit. For example, if you steal a couple dozen bottles of name brand vitamins (usually like 10 dollars a bottle) and sell them for 5 dollars, then you still make a profit. If you wanted, you could sell stolen items for 10 cents a bottle and you'd still be making a profit. Just remember to be careful how you sell the items. It is easier to sell the items online as if you were a warehouse than to have a shit ton of the same product at a flea market booth but no receipt to show that you bought them.
Have fun and be careful, I'll have more posts soon.
IllegalExpertGirl
1. Repackaging cheap items into expensive packages.
If you buy a bottle of Tylen0l and a bottle of the store brand acetaminophen, for example, you can keep the real thing for yourself and put the store brand pills in the name brand bottle and sell it claiming that you "used one pill and had a reaction to it" or something and that's why it's not sealed. You could also put a small pill-sized hole in the side under the wrapper, shake out all of the name brand pills, pop in all of the cheap pills, and glue the hole shut and glue the wrapper back over to cover the evidence. This way the package will still be sealed when the person opens it, but the product will still be switched. Then you can sell the 3 dollar pills for 8 dollars. This technique also works for bottled water, etc. You can buy expensive bottled water like Vo$$ or F!j! or whatever, and refill them with tap water and sell them at the same price as you bought them (or stole them, meaning you get 100 percent profit).
2. Selling stolen items THAT CAN'T BE TRACED!
Don't sell items like stolen phones, gaming systems, etc. These things can be traced by the serial numbers. You can, however, steal items like makeup, hair products, clothing, shoes, food, drinks, etc and sell them for profit. If you get the items for free then it doesn't matter how much of a discount you sell it at, you will still make a profit. For example, if you steal a couple dozen bottles of name brand vitamins (usually like 10 dollars a bottle) and sell them for 5 dollars, then you still make a profit. If you wanted, you could sell stolen items for 10 cents a bottle and you'd still be making a profit. Just remember to be careful how you sell the items. It is easier to sell the items online as if you were a warehouse than to have a shit ton of the same product at a flea market booth but no receipt to show that you bought them.
Have fun and be careful, I'll have more posts soon.
IllegalExpertGirl
Monday, January 30, 2017
Seasonal Shoplifting Tips
Spring/Summer
1. Since it will look suspicious if you wear a hoodie or something, just wear normal warm weather clothes. In summer, big bags will look less suspicious. You can dress like you are just getting supplies to go on vacation or something; shorts, flipflops, big tote bag to hold your "sunscreen", whatever. Sunglasses look less questionable in summer too, since it is sunny and warm all the time.
2. You can wear baggy shorts with tight compression shorts underneath. If you can, get a jumpsuit that's very tight, and wear it under you normal clothes. Just don't wear normal clothes that are too tight or sheer, or else they will show the outlines of any concealed items. No one suspects the person wearing small amounts of clothing as being the one hiding things in their clothes. Just don't keep any stolen items in the outer pockets of your clothes, because if you are caught, you will be told to empty them. If your pockets are empty and they can't find anything in your bag, they will ALMOST always let you go. I say almost always because if they recognize you as a past shoplifter, the will probably call the cops and have them search you more thoroughly than the employees are allowed to.
3. Grow your hair out (if you are a girl.) Long hair on a guy usually makes them look like a typical "bum" or "hood rat" and that will make you stand out to any LP's. But long hair on a girl is more accepted in our society, so grow it out long and use it to your advantage. Not only can long hair "casually" block your face from the cameras and whatnot, but if put up in a messy bun or something, you can hide items in your hair. you can steal a new pack of bobby pins by simply slipping them into your hair and hiding them. No one will really question if someone with 3 feet of hair has a bunch of bobby pins in it, if they can even see them at all. If you can, steal some of the "hair and nail" gummy vitamins (or normal vitamins if you can handle swallowing pills) and use them to grow your hair faster. Also, crushing up prenatal vitamin pills into your shampoo is said to make your hair grow a lot faster when used alongside the hair and nail vitamins. The sooner your hair grows long, the sooner you can use it to hide items. I have stolen an expensive set of ponytail holders (not the cheap dollar store ones, but the high quality $8 a pack ones) by putting most of them around a ponytail, and then covering them with a messy bun. Also, having a lot of hair clips, brushes, whatever on you when you have long hair seems more convincing than someone with shorter hair. If you have a couple dozen hair brushes in your purse that you planned on taking so you can boost them, but your head is pretty much shaved, then you will not get away with it, unless you can somehow prove that you really like brushing your naked scalp. Also, most guys find long hair "sexier" than short hair, so if you decide that you are going to try to seduce the cop into letting you go, it is better to have long hair that you can flip around, twirl on your fingers, etc.
Fall/Winter
1. Use the weather to your advantage. No one questions a hoodie when it's snowing. So go in with a big baggy hoodie on, and layer on stolen clothes, items in random pockets, etc. Also, no employee is going to want to be the one running after you outside in the cold and risk slipping and falling on the ice. For the shitty minimum wage pay that most big store employees make, they will most likely let you go so they don't have to leave the warmth of the store. You can wear hats, big boots, and heavy coats in cold weather, so you have a lot more places to hide items. Boots can hold smaller items like makeup, small packages of food, jewelry, etc. You can tuck small, flat items in the hat (depending on how bulky/thick it is), and heavy coats will hide the outlines of the items you have concealed. You can also cut little slits into the inner lining of the pockets or the inside of the coat so you can stuff it full of items.
2. Cups will hide items. No one thinks twice about someone carrying a big cup of coffee or hot chocolate or tea when it's -10 degrees outside. You can stash items in the empty cup, and just walk out with your "drink". Just don't overdo it. If the lid barely goes back on because of how full it is, people will stop you. And be careful of ripping the cup by overfilling it or putting a sharp object in it, like earrings, knives, etc. If you can, carry a large plastic reusable mug (not metal, because things rattle loudly against metal containers). This way, it is more sturdy and will probably hold more items than a paper cup from some random coffee shop.
3. Keep your car running if you don't plan on being long. If it's cold, leaving your car on just seems like you want it to stay warm while you grab something. Once you have everything packed up and ready to go, you can kind of jog out of the store "because of the cold/snow" and hurry up and throw everything in your car and drive off. Also, someone may make an announcement that your car is running, and this will give you an excuse to go out, dump your haul, and go back in without looking suspicious. This way, you can get a double haul without being questioned on why you keep going in and out of the store.
Know the typical dress of the season, and use it to your advantage.
IllegalExpertGirl
1. Since it will look suspicious if you wear a hoodie or something, just wear normal warm weather clothes. In summer, big bags will look less suspicious. You can dress like you are just getting supplies to go on vacation or something; shorts, flipflops, big tote bag to hold your "sunscreen", whatever. Sunglasses look less questionable in summer too, since it is sunny and warm all the time.
2. You can wear baggy shorts with tight compression shorts underneath. If you can, get a jumpsuit that's very tight, and wear it under you normal clothes. Just don't wear normal clothes that are too tight or sheer, or else they will show the outlines of any concealed items. No one suspects the person wearing small amounts of clothing as being the one hiding things in their clothes. Just don't keep any stolen items in the outer pockets of your clothes, because if you are caught, you will be told to empty them. If your pockets are empty and they can't find anything in your bag, they will ALMOST always let you go. I say almost always because if they recognize you as a past shoplifter, the will probably call the cops and have them search you more thoroughly than the employees are allowed to.
3. Grow your hair out (if you are a girl.) Long hair on a guy usually makes them look like a typical "bum" or "hood rat" and that will make you stand out to any LP's. But long hair on a girl is more accepted in our society, so grow it out long and use it to your advantage. Not only can long hair "casually" block your face from the cameras and whatnot, but if put up in a messy bun or something, you can hide items in your hair. you can steal a new pack of bobby pins by simply slipping them into your hair and hiding them. No one will really question if someone with 3 feet of hair has a bunch of bobby pins in it, if they can even see them at all. If you can, steal some of the "hair and nail" gummy vitamins (or normal vitamins if you can handle swallowing pills) and use them to grow your hair faster. Also, crushing up prenatal vitamin pills into your shampoo is said to make your hair grow a lot faster when used alongside the hair and nail vitamins. The sooner your hair grows long, the sooner you can use it to hide items. I have stolen an expensive set of ponytail holders (not the cheap dollar store ones, but the high quality $8 a pack ones) by putting most of them around a ponytail, and then covering them with a messy bun. Also, having a lot of hair clips, brushes, whatever on you when you have long hair seems more convincing than someone with shorter hair. If you have a couple dozen hair brushes in your purse that you planned on taking so you can boost them, but your head is pretty much shaved, then you will not get away with it, unless you can somehow prove that you really like brushing your naked scalp. Also, most guys find long hair "sexier" than short hair, so if you decide that you are going to try to seduce the cop into letting you go, it is better to have long hair that you can flip around, twirl on your fingers, etc.
Fall/Winter
1. Use the weather to your advantage. No one questions a hoodie when it's snowing. So go in with a big baggy hoodie on, and layer on stolen clothes, items in random pockets, etc. Also, no employee is going to want to be the one running after you outside in the cold and risk slipping and falling on the ice. For the shitty minimum wage pay that most big store employees make, they will most likely let you go so they don't have to leave the warmth of the store. You can wear hats, big boots, and heavy coats in cold weather, so you have a lot more places to hide items. Boots can hold smaller items like makeup, small packages of food, jewelry, etc. You can tuck small, flat items in the hat (depending on how bulky/thick it is), and heavy coats will hide the outlines of the items you have concealed. You can also cut little slits into the inner lining of the pockets or the inside of the coat so you can stuff it full of items.
2. Cups will hide items. No one thinks twice about someone carrying a big cup of coffee or hot chocolate or tea when it's -10 degrees outside. You can stash items in the empty cup, and just walk out with your "drink". Just don't overdo it. If the lid barely goes back on because of how full it is, people will stop you. And be careful of ripping the cup by overfilling it or putting a sharp object in it, like earrings, knives, etc. If you can, carry a large plastic reusable mug (not metal, because things rattle loudly against metal containers). This way, it is more sturdy and will probably hold more items than a paper cup from some random coffee shop.
3. Keep your car running if you don't plan on being long. If it's cold, leaving your car on just seems like you want it to stay warm while you grab something. Once you have everything packed up and ready to go, you can kind of jog out of the store "because of the cold/snow" and hurry up and throw everything in your car and drive off. Also, someone may make an announcement that your car is running, and this will give you an excuse to go out, dump your haul, and go back in without looking suspicious. This way, you can get a double haul without being questioned on why you keep going in and out of the store.
Know the typical dress of the season, and use it to your advantage.
IllegalExpertGirl
Random tips (shoplifting, pick-pocketing, dine and dash, whatever)
Here is a list of random tips and tricks I have found/come up with that will help you significantly.
1. Pick-pocketing:
Learn how to pick-pocket. With some practice, it is fairly easy to do. Start out doing it as a "prank" with your friends, and once you get good at it, branch out to other people. And remember that pick-pocketing doesn't only refer to reaching into someone's pockets and stealing their wallets. Pick-pocketing can also mean distracting someone while you steal their phones out of their bags, stealing their credit cards out of the ATM, or casually taking someone's purse from under their chair. Just be careful, because some people will take precautions against pick-pockets. One way is to keep the straps of their purse around their arms or their foot. If you are good enough, you will be able to just pull the straps off of their leg and take the bag.
2. Learn how to manually reset a phone without having the password.
This is a good skill to learn. I have learned how to do this, not because I stole someone's phone, but because I forgot my phone password and I couldn't get in to reset it from the settings app. If you manage to steal someone's phone, then you most likely won't have the password. There are many online tutorials on how to factory reset a phone without knowing the password. Most videos claim to be for someone who "forgot their password" or someone "changed the password" without them knowing. But you can use these videos/articles to reset a stolen phone. Most people (especially people who use prepaid phones or those who have had their phones for a while) don't remember the serial number, and most people keep their GPS turned off unless they are going somewhere. So in that case, don't steal from someone who looks like a typical "tourist", because they will likely still have their GPS on and then the cops can track where you take the phone until you reset it. You will most likely need Wifi to reset the phone, so make sure you do it at McD0n@ld's or something. DO NOT TAKE IT HOME TO RESET IT! If someone realizes it is missing soon enough and begins tracking it, you will lead the cops directly to your house. Do it in the bathroom at a fast food place that has free Wifi, so that if the cops do manage to track it to the location, you can hide it up in the toilet paper dispenser, or behind the toilet, or down in the trash can wrapped in toilet paper. Once the cops leave, you can go back in, finish the reset (if you haven't already), claim your prize, and get out before they figure out what you are up to. Once the phone is reset, you can either keep it for your own use, or sell it. Just be careful, especially if you sell it on F@ceb00k or something. Try to get a good look at the face of the person you stole the phone from, and if it's the same person in the profile picture, then don't sell it to them. If you do, they will get the phone, and they could realize that it is their stolen phone and call the cops on you. Creep on the profiles of everyone who makes an offer on the phone. If they are friends with the person you stole the phone from, they may tell the person that you took it. And beware of "new" profiles. If you look at the profile of someone and there's next to nothing on it, or else there is only their one picture and no friends, then they are likely an undercover cop, or a scammer who is trying to steal the phone from you. If someone asks to meet up to get the phone, DON'T DO IT. You could either be getting set up for an arrest, or someone could steal the phone from you. Ship the phone to the person from an anonymous address, like the house of a random person or a PO box that is in someone else's name. This will protect your identity from the authorities.
3. DON'T GET CONFIDENT!
I know I've said it many times before, but seriously, always question yourself. Let yourself be scared. Be paranoid that everyone is watching you. If you get too cocky and confident with your abilities, you will start to fuck up. You should be as cautious as you were the first time you stole. In most cases, you only took an item or two from a small store, and for weeks after you were expecting every knock at the door to be the cops coming to arrest you. Keep this mindset of fear and caution every time you steal. It's better to take 5 hours stealing from 5 stores and getting away with it than it is to hit 5 stores in 2 hours and get caught. Take your time. If you rush, you won't realize if you are being followed. If you are being followed in the mall and half a dozen items go missing from every store you go into, then there will be more than enough evidence to incriminate you.
4. Always have a scapegoat.
It sucks when someone gets caught and blames you. It benefits you more to be able to blame someone else than to be the one blamed. There's a chance that both of you will get caught, but in that case the charges will be split between the two of you, making the charges that would have been a felony theft split into two misdemeanor theft charges. Not only will you be charged with a lesser crime, but the fines and other costs will be a lot less than if it were just you. To prevent being the scapegoat, don't walk in with someone you are going to steal with. Come in different vehicles. If you ride in the same car or walk in together, then you will be charged with helping the person shoplift even if you didn't do anything. If you come in separately and in different vehicles, you can just say that it was a coincidence that you saw each other in the store and that you had no idea that they were shoplifting. Pretend that you are completely innocent. Cry if you have to, say that you had no idea they were "that kind" of person, act like you are so disappointed in them. You want to bring your own vehicle, because after bailing on someone like that, they most likely won't give you a ride home. Also, if you do get away with shoplifting but someone tries to chase you after you leave, it is harder to get a good description of two separate cars than it is with just one.
5. If you do get caught, don't worry about it too much, especially if it's your first time.
There is no point in getting worked up and upset, because it won't change the charges against you. At this point, when you are released from the store, just either go home or go to another store. On the drive to wherever you plan on going, think about what happened that you got caught. Did you rush? Did you forget to look around? Did you go with someone new who might have tattled? Did you do everything perfectly, but it just wasn't your lucky day? Think about what lead to you getting caught, and think about what you did differently before when you got away with it. If you think you can get away with it, go to another store and shoplift. Often, if you get a good haul from a different store, then you won't feel as worried about the charges from getting caught. Sometimes, getting caught is just what you need to tell you that you are getting too cocky. Also, if you carefully continue shoplifting even while on probation, it will be easier to get back into it once you are no longer being supervised. If you go from shoplifting every time you go out to not at all for almost a year, you will lose your hard earned skills. If you later choose to try shoplifting again, it will be much harder because you will forget all of the basic skills, and beginners get caught a lot easier than someone who knows what they are doing. Try to shoplift an item or two once in a while so you don't completely regress to a beginner level. Just don't go to stores around where you got caught. Often, if someone gets caught at one store, their picture will be distributed to all of the stores in the area so that you don't get away with it again. This is why you don't shoplift close to home. You don't want to have to drive mile and miles to get groceries just because you are banned from your local We!s store.
6. Have some connections in the system.
Are your parents prominent members of high-class groups in the area? Is your cousin the cop that comes to arrest you? Make sure you use these to your advantage. It is easier to try to talk your family/friends to let you go with a warning than it is to have some hard-ass random cop let you go. Also if the cop is some fat ass, don't make a run for it. You may think that the fat guy can't catch you if you take off, and you're right, but you most likely won't get away with it. If you try to run from a skinny cop, they will chase you and tackle you. But if you run from a fat cop, they will shoot you because they are well aware that their lard ass can't catch you by running. There's really no point in adding charges/risking your life just because you got caught.
7. Play the system.
If you live with someone else, use whoever has the lowest income as the main "breadwinner" when applying for assistance like food stamps. And make sure there is only one income listed. One person makes the money with taxes and everything taken off (you know, the taxes that pay to fund food stamps) and everyone else works under the table. Babysit, dog walk, clean houses, work on family farms, whatever. Just make sure all of the money is not taxed and untraceable. Make money off of simple things that no one would really question. If you already have kids of your own, then babysit. You can make money just by doing what you already do. If you have dogs, then walk other people's dogs when you take your's out. Just don't make an actual rate for your labor. If you have a specific charge (for example, $10 bucks per dog every day they are walked, etc), then you will be considered a "real" business and you will have to get insurance and pay taxes on your earnings. Instead, have an asked donation (like $20 or "however much they can pay"), so that if someone pays you, it is considered pretty much a gift, and gifts aren't taxable. Also, if you shoplift for groceries, your food stamps will go much farther. Why pay $5 for a little bag of shrimp when you could get it for free. Also, go to food pantries. You can get decent food for free. You can also list people who don't live with you so that you get more food. Just be careful; food banks don't usually check to make sure you are telling the truth, but if you claim that 20 people live in a 1 bedroom apartment, then they will most likely send someone to check.
Have fun, and fuck the authorities!
IllegalExpertGirl
1. Pick-pocketing:
Learn how to pick-pocket. With some practice, it is fairly easy to do. Start out doing it as a "prank" with your friends, and once you get good at it, branch out to other people. And remember that pick-pocketing doesn't only refer to reaching into someone's pockets and stealing their wallets. Pick-pocketing can also mean distracting someone while you steal their phones out of their bags, stealing their credit cards out of the ATM, or casually taking someone's purse from under their chair. Just be careful, because some people will take precautions against pick-pockets. One way is to keep the straps of their purse around their arms or their foot. If you are good enough, you will be able to just pull the straps off of their leg and take the bag.
2. Learn how to manually reset a phone without having the password.
This is a good skill to learn. I have learned how to do this, not because I stole someone's phone, but because I forgot my phone password and I couldn't get in to reset it from the settings app. If you manage to steal someone's phone, then you most likely won't have the password. There are many online tutorials on how to factory reset a phone without knowing the password. Most videos claim to be for someone who "forgot their password" or someone "changed the password" without them knowing. But you can use these videos/articles to reset a stolen phone. Most people (especially people who use prepaid phones or those who have had their phones for a while) don't remember the serial number, and most people keep their GPS turned off unless they are going somewhere. So in that case, don't steal from someone who looks like a typical "tourist", because they will likely still have their GPS on and then the cops can track where you take the phone until you reset it. You will most likely need Wifi to reset the phone, so make sure you do it at McD0n@ld's or something. DO NOT TAKE IT HOME TO RESET IT! If someone realizes it is missing soon enough and begins tracking it, you will lead the cops directly to your house. Do it in the bathroom at a fast food place that has free Wifi, so that if the cops do manage to track it to the location, you can hide it up in the toilet paper dispenser, or behind the toilet, or down in the trash can wrapped in toilet paper. Once the cops leave, you can go back in, finish the reset (if you haven't already), claim your prize, and get out before they figure out what you are up to. Once the phone is reset, you can either keep it for your own use, or sell it. Just be careful, especially if you sell it on F@ceb00k or something. Try to get a good look at the face of the person you stole the phone from, and if it's the same person in the profile picture, then don't sell it to them. If you do, they will get the phone, and they could realize that it is their stolen phone and call the cops on you. Creep on the profiles of everyone who makes an offer on the phone. If they are friends with the person you stole the phone from, they may tell the person that you took it. And beware of "new" profiles. If you look at the profile of someone and there's next to nothing on it, or else there is only their one picture and no friends, then they are likely an undercover cop, or a scammer who is trying to steal the phone from you. If someone asks to meet up to get the phone, DON'T DO IT. You could either be getting set up for an arrest, or someone could steal the phone from you. Ship the phone to the person from an anonymous address, like the house of a random person or a PO box that is in someone else's name. This will protect your identity from the authorities.
3. DON'T GET CONFIDENT!
I know I've said it many times before, but seriously, always question yourself. Let yourself be scared. Be paranoid that everyone is watching you. If you get too cocky and confident with your abilities, you will start to fuck up. You should be as cautious as you were the first time you stole. In most cases, you only took an item or two from a small store, and for weeks after you were expecting every knock at the door to be the cops coming to arrest you. Keep this mindset of fear and caution every time you steal. It's better to take 5 hours stealing from 5 stores and getting away with it than it is to hit 5 stores in 2 hours and get caught. Take your time. If you rush, you won't realize if you are being followed. If you are being followed in the mall and half a dozen items go missing from every store you go into, then there will be more than enough evidence to incriminate you.
4. Always have a scapegoat.
It sucks when someone gets caught and blames you. It benefits you more to be able to blame someone else than to be the one blamed. There's a chance that both of you will get caught, but in that case the charges will be split between the two of you, making the charges that would have been a felony theft split into two misdemeanor theft charges. Not only will you be charged with a lesser crime, but the fines and other costs will be a lot less than if it were just you. To prevent being the scapegoat, don't walk in with someone you are going to steal with. Come in different vehicles. If you ride in the same car or walk in together, then you will be charged with helping the person shoplift even if you didn't do anything. If you come in separately and in different vehicles, you can just say that it was a coincidence that you saw each other in the store and that you had no idea that they were shoplifting. Pretend that you are completely innocent. Cry if you have to, say that you had no idea they were "that kind" of person, act like you are so disappointed in them. You want to bring your own vehicle, because after bailing on someone like that, they most likely won't give you a ride home. Also, if you do get away with shoplifting but someone tries to chase you after you leave, it is harder to get a good description of two separate cars than it is with just one.
5. If you do get caught, don't worry about it too much, especially if it's your first time.
There is no point in getting worked up and upset, because it won't change the charges against you. At this point, when you are released from the store, just either go home or go to another store. On the drive to wherever you plan on going, think about what happened that you got caught. Did you rush? Did you forget to look around? Did you go with someone new who might have tattled? Did you do everything perfectly, but it just wasn't your lucky day? Think about what lead to you getting caught, and think about what you did differently before when you got away with it. If you think you can get away with it, go to another store and shoplift. Often, if you get a good haul from a different store, then you won't feel as worried about the charges from getting caught. Sometimes, getting caught is just what you need to tell you that you are getting too cocky. Also, if you carefully continue shoplifting even while on probation, it will be easier to get back into it once you are no longer being supervised. If you go from shoplifting every time you go out to not at all for almost a year, you will lose your hard earned skills. If you later choose to try shoplifting again, it will be much harder because you will forget all of the basic skills, and beginners get caught a lot easier than someone who knows what they are doing. Try to shoplift an item or two once in a while so you don't completely regress to a beginner level. Just don't go to stores around where you got caught. Often, if someone gets caught at one store, their picture will be distributed to all of the stores in the area so that you don't get away with it again. This is why you don't shoplift close to home. You don't want to have to drive mile and miles to get groceries just because you are banned from your local We!s store.
6. Have some connections in the system.
Are your parents prominent members of high-class groups in the area? Is your cousin the cop that comes to arrest you? Make sure you use these to your advantage. It is easier to try to talk your family/friends to let you go with a warning than it is to have some hard-ass random cop let you go. Also if the cop is some fat ass, don't make a run for it. You may think that the fat guy can't catch you if you take off, and you're right, but you most likely won't get away with it. If you try to run from a skinny cop, they will chase you and tackle you. But if you run from a fat cop, they will shoot you because they are well aware that their lard ass can't catch you by running. There's really no point in adding charges/risking your life just because you got caught.
7. Play the system.
If you live with someone else, use whoever has the lowest income as the main "breadwinner" when applying for assistance like food stamps. And make sure there is only one income listed. One person makes the money with taxes and everything taken off (you know, the taxes that pay to fund food stamps) and everyone else works under the table. Babysit, dog walk, clean houses, work on family farms, whatever. Just make sure all of the money is not taxed and untraceable. Make money off of simple things that no one would really question. If you already have kids of your own, then babysit. You can make money just by doing what you already do. If you have dogs, then walk other people's dogs when you take your's out. Just don't make an actual rate for your labor. If you have a specific charge (for example, $10 bucks per dog every day they are walked, etc), then you will be considered a "real" business and you will have to get insurance and pay taxes on your earnings. Instead, have an asked donation (like $20 or "however much they can pay"), so that if someone pays you, it is considered pretty much a gift, and gifts aren't taxable. Also, if you shoplift for groceries, your food stamps will go much farther. Why pay $5 for a little bag of shrimp when you could get it for free. Also, go to food pantries. You can get decent food for free. You can also list people who don't live with you so that you get more food. Just be careful; food banks don't usually check to make sure you are telling the truth, but if you claim that 20 people live in a 1 bedroom apartment, then they will most likely send someone to check.
Have fun, and fuck the authorities!
IllegalExpertGirl
Friday, January 27, 2017
Shoplifting Tips
1. Act as if you have the full intention of buying. Check out the sales racks as if that's the best deal you can get. Look at prices and sizes. Compare brands. Check nutrition facts. Just act like you do when you are actually buying things.
2. No crazy makeup. There's nothing wrong with enjoying having a full face done, but when you are shoplifting, you want to look as boring and average as possible. This means no neon eye shadow or black lipstick, unless you are going into a makeup store, in which case makeup would look less suspicious than none. It is better to keep your makeup looking natural, while still changing your face enough to avoid being recognized.
3. Keep your hair out of your face. If you have all of your hair over your face, then you might as well be wearing a ski mask and have a money bag over your shoulder. Keep your hair away from your face, either pulled back in a bun/ponytail or just with a headband or clip. Remember, the goal is not to leave the store without being apprehended, the goal is to leave without anyone knowing that something has been taken. If you have done the job properly, then there is no risk in having your face showing.
4. No flashy statement accessories or clothes. Don't wear neon colors or big bold patterns. Don't wear unique things like frog earrings or big chunky bracelets. Wear something like simple pants or jeans, a grey shirt, and whatever shoes are appropriate for the weather. You want to look put together without standing out.
5. Wear clothes that are in season and tight! No one suspects that someone in form-fitting clothes carrying a small bag is stealing anything. After all, where could they conceal something? If it's the middle of a heat wave and you walk in wearing a sweatshirt, you are already being watched.
6. Get a bag that looks small from the outside but is large on the inside. I have a bag that looks like a child's size bag from the outside, but can hold all of my everyday crap and whatever I decide to lift as well. Huge bags draw attention.
7. Have an "attention" hand and a "concealment" hand. Paint your nails with sparkly nail polish on one hand, and keep the other either bare or neutral colored. Wear flashy rings on the one hand, but none on the other. Shiny things draw attention, so people's eyes will be drawn to the shiny hand while the other hand can quietly conceal items without being noticed.
8. Don't pay too much attention to other people or cameras. If you jump at every movement or hide from every single camera you see, then you will be caught. Calm yourself down, take a break and listen to some music or sit in the bathroom for a few minutes. Once you are calm, go back out and do what you have to do.
9. If you act awkward when you are nervous, then you shouldn't be shoplifting. I'm sorry to say it, but some people just can't do it no matter what they do because they are too paranoid of getting caught. If you have to, take a hot shower before you go out, drink some warm tea, listen to soothing music on the way to the store, do whatever it takes to calm down. If you start to get nervous and overwhelmed, take a break and recover yourself. Don't walk too quickly, don't fidget, don't overdo it with your hands, don't jump at sounds or movement. Calm down and mellow yourself out.
10. Don't spend too much time handling the item you plan to steal. If you spend half an hour messing with one thing of lipstick, then this gives the LP more time to spot you with the merchandise and become suspicious of what you plan on doing with it. Take the item, walk a little, check around, and conceal.
11. Don't carry items that will get you caught. No one is going to question why you have a pair of nail clippers or a small pair of cosmetic scissors in your purse, but if you have pliers, craft knives, or the bag is a "booster bag", AKA a bag lined with tinfoil to keep the alarms from detecting any security devices, then you are screwed if you get caught. You can explain a that you always have nail clippers/scissors in your purse, but no one is going to believe that you carry the entire hardware store in your bag all the time.
12. Listen while you are lifting. Do you notice the static of a walkie-talkie in the next aisle everywhere you go? If so, you are probably being followed while you shoplift. If someone is walking around near you seemingly everywhere you go, listen closely. Try to get as close to them as you can, and listen very closely. They will probably have their talkie turned down very low, but not off. Listen to hear if there are very faint static sounds coming from them. If so, drop everything and get the fuck out.
IllegalExpertGirl
2. No crazy makeup. There's nothing wrong with enjoying having a full face done, but when you are shoplifting, you want to look as boring and average as possible. This means no neon eye shadow or black lipstick, unless you are going into a makeup store, in which case makeup would look less suspicious than none. It is better to keep your makeup looking natural, while still changing your face enough to avoid being recognized.
3. Keep your hair out of your face. If you have all of your hair over your face, then you might as well be wearing a ski mask and have a money bag over your shoulder. Keep your hair away from your face, either pulled back in a bun/ponytail or just with a headband or clip. Remember, the goal is not to leave the store without being apprehended, the goal is to leave without anyone knowing that something has been taken. If you have done the job properly, then there is no risk in having your face showing.
4. No flashy statement accessories or clothes. Don't wear neon colors or big bold patterns. Don't wear unique things like frog earrings or big chunky bracelets. Wear something like simple pants or jeans, a grey shirt, and whatever shoes are appropriate for the weather. You want to look put together without standing out.
5. Wear clothes that are in season and tight! No one suspects that someone in form-fitting clothes carrying a small bag is stealing anything. After all, where could they conceal something? If it's the middle of a heat wave and you walk in wearing a sweatshirt, you are already being watched.
6. Get a bag that looks small from the outside but is large on the inside. I have a bag that looks like a child's size bag from the outside, but can hold all of my everyday crap and whatever I decide to lift as well. Huge bags draw attention.
7. Have an "attention" hand and a "concealment" hand. Paint your nails with sparkly nail polish on one hand, and keep the other either bare or neutral colored. Wear flashy rings on the one hand, but none on the other. Shiny things draw attention, so people's eyes will be drawn to the shiny hand while the other hand can quietly conceal items without being noticed.
8. Don't pay too much attention to other people or cameras. If you jump at every movement or hide from every single camera you see, then you will be caught. Calm yourself down, take a break and listen to some music or sit in the bathroom for a few minutes. Once you are calm, go back out and do what you have to do.
9. If you act awkward when you are nervous, then you shouldn't be shoplifting. I'm sorry to say it, but some people just can't do it no matter what they do because they are too paranoid of getting caught. If you have to, take a hot shower before you go out, drink some warm tea, listen to soothing music on the way to the store, do whatever it takes to calm down. If you start to get nervous and overwhelmed, take a break and recover yourself. Don't walk too quickly, don't fidget, don't overdo it with your hands, don't jump at sounds or movement. Calm down and mellow yourself out.
10. Don't spend too much time handling the item you plan to steal. If you spend half an hour messing with one thing of lipstick, then this gives the LP more time to spot you with the merchandise and become suspicious of what you plan on doing with it. Take the item, walk a little, check around, and conceal.
11. Don't carry items that will get you caught. No one is going to question why you have a pair of nail clippers or a small pair of cosmetic scissors in your purse, but if you have pliers, craft knives, or the bag is a "booster bag", AKA a bag lined with tinfoil to keep the alarms from detecting any security devices, then you are screwed if you get caught. You can explain a that you always have nail clippers/scissors in your purse, but no one is going to believe that you carry the entire hardware store in your bag all the time.
12. Listen while you are lifting. Do you notice the static of a walkie-talkie in the next aisle everywhere you go? If so, you are probably being followed while you shoplift. If someone is walking around near you seemingly everywhere you go, listen closely. Try to get as close to them as you can, and listen very closely. They will probably have their talkie turned down very low, but not off. Listen to hear if there are very faint static sounds coming from them. If so, drop everything and get the fuck out.
IllegalExpertGirl
What Potential LP's Look Like: Shoplifting
If you observe your surroundings, then LP's will stick out like they have a giant blinking arrow over their head. If someone doesn't fit in quite right or if they seem to be following you, then watch out.
1. Guys in "girls" stores and girls in "guys" stores. If there is a guy hanging around you in Vict0ri@'s Secret or somewhere similar, always suspect him as an LP. If a girl is seemingly following you in H0me Dep0t or somewhere similar, then suspect her as an LP. I understand that people have different interests, and not everyone who sticks out is an LP, but LP's tend to stand out if the store didn't think through their plans to prevent theft.
2. If you think you are being followed, go in a dressing room. Leave something little like a bra or shirt. Leave the dressing room, and in a minute or two go back to "retrieve the item." Is someone else rushing to get in there? Could be an LP.
3. If you are concealing in a dressing room, be aware if someone goes in the stall right next to your own, especially if it's not very busy. If there is a gap under the walls, check their feet. Are they moving around, or are they just standing/sitting there? If they aren't moving or they are trying on the same shirt for 10 minutes, then try to get a glimpse of their face or at least remember their shoes. If the same person is lurking around you somewhere else, then it could be an LP.
4. Go to a random section of the store. Shuffle through a stack of clothes, and fold a few as if you concealed something in them. Then watch out of the corner of your eye as you walk away. Does someone immediately go up and dig through the exact same pile that you had just looked at? Could be an LP.
5. Do they get in line behind you? Not just a random person, but someone who has been checking your dressing room, following you, or constantly on their phone watching you? Could be an LP.
This could save you from arrest, a ride in the back of a cop car, fines, probation, community service, and court fees.
Watch your back, anyone could be an LP.
IllegalExpertGirl
1. Guys in "girls" stores and girls in "guys" stores. If there is a guy hanging around you in Vict0ri@'s Secret or somewhere similar, always suspect him as an LP. If a girl is seemingly following you in H0me Dep0t or somewhere similar, then suspect her as an LP. I understand that people have different interests, and not everyone who sticks out is an LP, but LP's tend to stand out if the store didn't think through their plans to prevent theft.
2. If you think you are being followed, go in a dressing room. Leave something little like a bra or shirt. Leave the dressing room, and in a minute or two go back to "retrieve the item." Is someone else rushing to get in there? Could be an LP.
3. If you are concealing in a dressing room, be aware if someone goes in the stall right next to your own, especially if it's not very busy. If there is a gap under the walls, check their feet. Are they moving around, or are they just standing/sitting there? If they aren't moving or they are trying on the same shirt for 10 minutes, then try to get a glimpse of their face or at least remember their shoes. If the same person is lurking around you somewhere else, then it could be an LP.
4. Go to a random section of the store. Shuffle through a stack of clothes, and fold a few as if you concealed something in them. Then watch out of the corner of your eye as you walk away. Does someone immediately go up and dig through the exact same pile that you had just looked at? Could be an LP.
5. Do they get in line behind you? Not just a random person, but someone who has been checking your dressing room, following you, or constantly on their phone watching you? Could be an LP.
This could save you from arrest, a ride in the back of a cop car, fines, probation, community service, and court fees.
Watch your back, anyone could be an LP.
IllegalExpertGirl
Reminder to Shoplifter
Remember, no one likes people who are greedy. Corporations are greedy, no one wants to be like the corporate bastards. It might seem like a good idea to steal 50 lighters or 20 different expensive outfits at the time, but when you're hungry and can't pay your bills, then those things won't seem important. Don't get lost in the euphoria of theft. Oftentimes, shoplifting (and getting away with it) can give you such a rush of adrenaline that you want to do it again and again. The more you steal, the more confident you get in your abilities. When you get overly confident you make stupid mistakes because you feel like you could never get caught. Other people get caught, not you, you're too good to get caught. But that's not the case. Almost everyone gets caught at some point in their shoplifting career, so be prepared for the worst. If you get too caught up in the art of shoplifting, limit yourself before it gets out of hand. Stop yourself from taking random things, only take what you need; medicine, food, basic clothing, whatever. You will be much better off in the end if you have food and medicine than if you just have a bunch of random things. Random shit is better for making money from selling the items, while food and medicine are better to keep for yourself. If you don't have food when you're hungry or medicine when you're sick, then you will be miserable. You shoplift for yourself, not to make others jealous. Posting pictures on the internet bragging about stealing 50 expensive high end tubes of mascara will make other people jealous, but it won't benefit you much in the end unless you are good at selling things. Always go at your own speed, if you are only lifting basic necessities but you see a lip gloss or candy that you want, then get it. Just don't try to load up on a necessity haul and a fun haul at the same time. If you are caught stealing food, you can give a sob story about how you have "a family to feed," but a bag full of makeup isn't fooling anyone.
Just be careful and don't get greedy.
IllegalExpertGirl
Just be careful and don't get greedy.
IllegalExpertGirl
Hiding Evidence: Shoplifting
There are many things that could get you caught when you are shoplifting (see my other post "Things That Get You Caught: Shoplifting"). One major thing is when there is incriminating evidence. Evidence can come in many forms, from photos or videos, empty packaging, witnesses, or even internet history. Here is how to cover your tracks.
1. Photos and videos:
While shoplifting, don't show you face to the camera as much as you can help it. Don't make it obvious that you are hiding your identity, or else you will be seen as suspicious. Just don't stare directly into the cameras. Also, don't be an idiot with social media. If you go on F@ceb00k and post pictures going "omg look at my haul shoplifting so much fun" then you can still get arrested even if you weren't caught in the store. People have been arrested for showing off things they have stolen on the internet because they pretty much confessed to the crime. If you are shoplifting with other people, make sure they don't take pictures of you, even if they don't show you actively shoplifting. Photos taken on any phone show a time and date. If you get caught you won't be able to say that you hadn't been in that part of the store when the things went missing, or you didn't come in with them and that they shoplifted on their own without your knowledge.
2. Empty packaging:
If you leave a trail of empty packaging, then LP's know exactly what you're up to, even if they didn't see you take the items. To avoid this, hold on to the packaging. Don't just throw it down in a shelf or something. Walk around, and rip up the package. To make sure no one can piece together the package, pretend you are getting a piece of gum and chew up the pieces of cardboard/paper. Spit it out in a trash can. For the things that can't be destroyed by chewing (plastic/rubber/whatever), then rip them up as much as you can and spread them out among all of the trash cans in the store. Unless the LP is really really determined to bring you in, then they aren't going to follow you through the entire store picking up your saliva-coated packaging.
3. Witnesses:
Do! Not! Shoplift! If! Someone! Is! Near! You!
Seriously, people think they're sneaky enough to get away with it. People will either turn you in or confront you themselves. Anyone could be an LP. One time a 12 year old could stop you, the next time grandpa could call you out. You think that the toddler won't know enough to say anything? WRONG! They'll go up and tell their mommies that you have a treat in your pocket, and their parents will turn you in. Little kids have big mouths, and they will talk to just about anyone. You might turn around and see a 5 year old going "whatcha doin?" and people will watch anyone who is talking to a stranger's little kid.
4. Internet History (Phone or Computer):
Delete your history! Don't talk about shoplifting on your social media/email/texts. If you get caught and you try to feign innocence, then the cops can legally search your phone. If your search history is full of "how to shoplift" "shoplifting tips" and things like that, then you will have a WHOLE other set of charges against you, including burglary, criminal conspiracy, and multiple others. Don't take pictures of things that you stole, don't take videos or pictures of you or your partners stealing; just don't set yourself up for failure.
Be careful, or expect to face the consequences!
IllegalExpertGirl
1. Photos and videos:
While shoplifting, don't show you face to the camera as much as you can help it. Don't make it obvious that you are hiding your identity, or else you will be seen as suspicious. Just don't stare directly into the cameras. Also, don't be an idiot with social media. If you go on F@ceb00k and post pictures going "omg look at my haul shoplifting so much fun" then you can still get arrested even if you weren't caught in the store. People have been arrested for showing off things they have stolen on the internet because they pretty much confessed to the crime. If you are shoplifting with other people, make sure they don't take pictures of you, even if they don't show you actively shoplifting. Photos taken on any phone show a time and date. If you get caught you won't be able to say that you hadn't been in that part of the store when the things went missing, or you didn't come in with them and that they shoplifted on their own without your knowledge.
2. Empty packaging:
If you leave a trail of empty packaging, then LP's know exactly what you're up to, even if they didn't see you take the items. To avoid this, hold on to the packaging. Don't just throw it down in a shelf or something. Walk around, and rip up the package. To make sure no one can piece together the package, pretend you are getting a piece of gum and chew up the pieces of cardboard/paper. Spit it out in a trash can. For the things that can't be destroyed by chewing (plastic/rubber/whatever), then rip them up as much as you can and spread them out among all of the trash cans in the store. Unless the LP is really really determined to bring you in, then they aren't going to follow you through the entire store picking up your saliva-coated packaging.
3. Witnesses:
Do! Not! Shoplift! If! Someone! Is! Near! You!
Seriously, people think they're sneaky enough to get away with it. People will either turn you in or confront you themselves. Anyone could be an LP. One time a 12 year old could stop you, the next time grandpa could call you out. You think that the toddler won't know enough to say anything? WRONG! They'll go up and tell their mommies that you have a treat in your pocket, and their parents will turn you in. Little kids have big mouths, and they will talk to just about anyone. You might turn around and see a 5 year old going "whatcha doin?" and people will watch anyone who is talking to a stranger's little kid.
4. Internet History (Phone or Computer):
Delete your history! Don't talk about shoplifting on your social media/email/texts. If you get caught and you try to feign innocence, then the cops can legally search your phone. If your search history is full of "how to shoplift" "shoplifting tips" and things like that, then you will have a WHOLE other set of charges against you, including burglary, criminal conspiracy, and multiple others. Don't take pictures of things that you stole, don't take videos or pictures of you or your partners stealing; just don't set yourself up for failure.
Be careful, or expect to face the consequences!
IllegalExpertGirl
Things that get you caught: Shoplfting
There are a lot of reasons that you could get caught when you are shoplifting. Someone could have turned you in, an employee could have seen you, or it might just be your unlucky day. Maybe there are more LP's, there might be extra security around because it's near the holidays, maybe the store has caught on to your habits and are trying to make this time the last time. Who knows, but there are a lot of things that LP's specifically look for in a potential shoplifter.
1. You look like a thief.
Most people get caught because they honestly just look like a shady character. LP's make money off of every person they catch, and if you look like an easy potential catch, then they are going to be up your ass. And you know who you are; 20 something facial piercings, tattoos all over, brightly colored hair, "punk" or "thug" clothing, whatever. LP's are trained to look for people who look like thieves, and these characteristics fit the profile of a "shoplifter." If you look like a badass piece of shit, you will be watched and treated accordingly. So if you look suspicious, just don't do it.
2. You have shifty eyes.
I talked about this in my shoplifting post (Shoplifting Tips and Tricks). A lot of LP's will be ready to give up on you, and once they see you doing the shifty eyes, they will watch you until you leave, no exceptions. Shifty eyes are when you look for cameras on the ceiling without moving your head. This gets people, who would have gotten away with it otherwise, caught everyday.
3. You use two hands to "look at a product."
Normal people take the product off of the shelf and look at it in the open with one hand. If you are fumbling around on the shelf with two hands but not removing anything, then they know you are opening a package. Using two hands is a DEAD GIVEAWAY that you are up to something and even if the LP doesn't see you conceal the item, they can still get you for opening a package, as this is considered vandalism.
4. You leave a trail of evidence.
You think the item may have a security device on it. You decide that, to be on the safe side, you will remove the package and hide it somewhere. This makes the LP's job a lot easier. Even if they never say you take the item, if they saw you throw a package on a shelf, under something, etc, then they will investigate where you were. Once they find the empty package, they know that you removed it (which can get you in enough trouble with being charged with vandalism), they know exactly what it is, and that you have the intention of stealing it. Now, all the LP has to do is follow you to the door and confront you with the empty package and ask you to either return it or come to the back. If you don't produce the item, you will be charged with vandalism; if you do hand it over or if they search you and find it, you will be charged with theft; if they find out that you had no money/other way to pay for the item, you will be charged with burglary.
5. You try to conceal items while in the fitting room.
If you aren't careful of how you have things hidden among the clothing, then the person that counts the hangers may decide to call an LP over to check on you. For example, let's say you have a couple DVD's hidden among the clothing that you are "trying on". The employee at the desk hears packages opening, and they get suspicious. They keep an eye on the room you are in while they quietly call an LP over to check that you aren't stealing. It is frowned upon, but not illegal for the LP to quietly go over with a mirror on their shoe and quickly check to make sure you are actually trying clothes and not just concealing items.
6. You fall victim to the "scare test."
If an LP suspects you of shoplifting, then they will send a few people through the aisle you are in. Normal people wouldn't pay much attention to the other customers, but a shoplifter will likely turn their head and check out every person, looking them up and down to see if they look like an undercover LP. When the LP sees this, they will follow you around. They may even do the test again to confirm their suspicions.
7. You are extremely friendly and outgoing.
You're such a nice person! You come in and talk to all of the employees! You just make everyone's day! You could never be a thief! WRONG! Regular workers may be fooled by your friendly demeanor, but LP's are not fooled one bit. Normal employees may avoid stopping you if they see something suspicious because you're just such a nice person, but LP's will stop you. They get paid enough to stop you that it doesn't matter if you're next in line to be the Pope, you will get stopped. There are genuinely nice people, but someone who is sucking up to anyone with a name tag is one of the most suspicious types of people there is.
8. You over-act.
You walk around wiggling or tapping your item. This says to LP's "Hey! I am not a shoplifter! I will not try to steal this item! See, I'm playing with it! That totally means I'm gonna buy it!" Then you steal it. People honestly think that this works.
9. You under-act.
You find the item and immediately conceal it. Or, you find the item, hide it behind something in your hand/cart, then you quickly walk to the most deserted part of the store. The LP knows that they need to either follow you or have all of the cameras watching you to witness the concealment.
And finally 10, and this is a big one: You carry a flat, empty looking purse or backpack.
This makes it so obvious that you are shoplifting. Not only does it grab the attention of an LP, but it makes their job a lot easier. Your bag was flat when you came in, and magically became full after you "put back" everything you were going to buy. Even if the LP didn't see you put anything in the bag, they can confidently make a stop on you, even if no alarms go off and nothing was reported of your actions. Entering a store with an empty bag can raise the charge from theft to burglary if you are caught.
Watch your back, and be suspicious of everyone.
IllegalExpertGirl
1. You look like a thief.
Most people get caught because they honestly just look like a shady character. LP's make money off of every person they catch, and if you look like an easy potential catch, then they are going to be up your ass. And you know who you are; 20 something facial piercings, tattoos all over, brightly colored hair, "punk" or "thug" clothing, whatever. LP's are trained to look for people who look like thieves, and these characteristics fit the profile of a "shoplifter." If you look like a badass piece of shit, you will be watched and treated accordingly. So if you look suspicious, just don't do it.
2. You have shifty eyes.
I talked about this in my shoplifting post (Shoplifting Tips and Tricks). A lot of LP's will be ready to give up on you, and once they see you doing the shifty eyes, they will watch you until you leave, no exceptions. Shifty eyes are when you look for cameras on the ceiling without moving your head. This gets people, who would have gotten away with it otherwise, caught everyday.
3. You use two hands to "look at a product."
Normal people take the product off of the shelf and look at it in the open with one hand. If you are fumbling around on the shelf with two hands but not removing anything, then they know you are opening a package. Using two hands is a DEAD GIVEAWAY that you are up to something and even if the LP doesn't see you conceal the item, they can still get you for opening a package, as this is considered vandalism.
4. You leave a trail of evidence.
You think the item may have a security device on it. You decide that, to be on the safe side, you will remove the package and hide it somewhere. This makes the LP's job a lot easier. Even if they never say you take the item, if they saw you throw a package on a shelf, under something, etc, then they will investigate where you were. Once they find the empty package, they know that you removed it (which can get you in enough trouble with being charged with vandalism), they know exactly what it is, and that you have the intention of stealing it. Now, all the LP has to do is follow you to the door and confront you with the empty package and ask you to either return it or come to the back. If you don't produce the item, you will be charged with vandalism; if you do hand it over or if they search you and find it, you will be charged with theft; if they find out that you had no money/other way to pay for the item, you will be charged with burglary.
5. You try to conceal items while in the fitting room.
If you aren't careful of how you have things hidden among the clothing, then the person that counts the hangers may decide to call an LP over to check on you. For example, let's say you have a couple DVD's hidden among the clothing that you are "trying on". The employee at the desk hears packages opening, and they get suspicious. They keep an eye on the room you are in while they quietly call an LP over to check that you aren't stealing. It is frowned upon, but not illegal for the LP to quietly go over with a mirror on their shoe and quickly check to make sure you are actually trying clothes and not just concealing items.
6. You fall victim to the "scare test."
If an LP suspects you of shoplifting, then they will send a few people through the aisle you are in. Normal people wouldn't pay much attention to the other customers, but a shoplifter will likely turn their head and check out every person, looking them up and down to see if they look like an undercover LP. When the LP sees this, they will follow you around. They may even do the test again to confirm their suspicions.
7. You are extremely friendly and outgoing.
You're such a nice person! You come in and talk to all of the employees! You just make everyone's day! You could never be a thief! WRONG! Regular workers may be fooled by your friendly demeanor, but LP's are not fooled one bit. Normal employees may avoid stopping you if they see something suspicious because you're just such a nice person, but LP's will stop you. They get paid enough to stop you that it doesn't matter if you're next in line to be the Pope, you will get stopped. There are genuinely nice people, but someone who is sucking up to anyone with a name tag is one of the most suspicious types of people there is.
8. You over-act.
You walk around wiggling or tapping your item. This says to LP's "Hey! I am not a shoplifter! I will not try to steal this item! See, I'm playing with it! That totally means I'm gonna buy it!" Then you steal it. People honestly think that this works.
9. You under-act.
You find the item and immediately conceal it. Or, you find the item, hide it behind something in your hand/cart, then you quickly walk to the most deserted part of the store. The LP knows that they need to either follow you or have all of the cameras watching you to witness the concealment.
And finally 10, and this is a big one: You carry a flat, empty looking purse or backpack.
This makes it so obvious that you are shoplifting. Not only does it grab the attention of an LP, but it makes their job a lot easier. Your bag was flat when you came in, and magically became full after you "put back" everything you were going to buy. Even if the LP didn't see you put anything in the bag, they can confidently make a stop on you, even if no alarms go off and nothing was reported of your actions. Entering a store with an empty bag can raise the charge from theft to burglary if you are caught.
Watch your back, and be suspicious of everyone.
IllegalExpertGirl
Cheap/ Free Food! Tips and Tricks
Have you ever been poor? Have you ever been hungry? If you're on my blog, then the answers to both of those are most likely yes, unless you're some rich asshole who just steals for the hell of it or a cop/LP trying to learn what to look for.
Anyways, most people have been poor and hungry at some point in their lives. People don't get paid enough to support themselves or their families, and food is an expensive necessity. Thrift stores, yard sales, and hand-me-downs help with clothes, cheap/public housing can give you a roof over your head, but food stamps only go so far and no one gives away food. So how can you get enough food to support yourself. In these tips I will explain how to get food for little to no money (often the only cost is gas money).
So, here we go.
1. FAMILY REUNIONS: Whether they are your relatives or just some random family, you can get a shit ton of food for nothing except the gas money to get there. If they are your family, just give a sob story about how you're having "a hard time with money" and "need all the help you can get." Your family will load you up with all the leftovers from the reunion, especially if it is an outdoor, picnic type of reunion, because no one wants to be stuck rushing home to get the potato salad in the fridge. They may even throw in a few bucks to "help you get some food later." But don't abuse this because no relative is going to give you money constantly, and after a few years, they will start to question how you aren't on your feet yet.
Another way to get free food is to stop at a random family reunion. Look around for signs saying stuff like "Smith Family Reunion Pavilion C" or whatever. Stop in and act like you belong. If someone comes up and talks to you, just say you are dating someone and they told you to come to the reunion. Most likely, no one will want to offend you and cost their relative a relationship, so they will just let you go do your own thing. Most people don't even know all of the extended family, so they'll just assume you are related even if they don't recognize you. Eat to your hearts content, and be friendly. If you are rude to the "family" they may ask you to leave to avoid conflict or they may start to question who you really are. Just eat and interact a little. Offer to take some of the leftovers home. If you're lucky, the people will leave their dishes and serving spoons and stuff with you and ask you to return them when you see them next, meaning you now have new dishes and food for no cost. Keep a large cooler or two full of ice in your trunk/back seat to store the leftovers if you plan on hitting more than one reunion that day. No reason in wasting your gas to drive home and come back again.
2. SHOPLIFTING: Food almost never makes the door alarms go off, making it easy to get high end, expensive food for free. If you are still worried about the alarms going off, keep storage bags in your purse (the quart size freezer bags work well, unless you are getting something like big bags of cereal/snacks). You can hide the food packages in your bag, and go to the nearest, emptiest looking bathroom. Once inside, you can transfer all of the food from its original package to the freezer bags. Just be careful with how you dispose of the wrappings. Flush some, throw some in the trash (hide it in some rolled up toilet paper/paper towels/whatever), put some behind the toilets, etc. Just be careful not to clog the toilets, because if someone comes in to clean up and there's damp packaging all over the toilet and you were the only one to go in that bathroom, then you're fucked. Go for things that can easily be dumped out into your bag; frozen shrimp or popcorn chicken/nuggets, individually wrapped foods like burritos, fruit snacks, candy, drink pouches/boxes, the little individual boxes of cereal, and the microwave tv dinners. Most of these foods come in a big box, but the products inside are individually wrapped in their own packaging. This makes it easy to dump in your purse without having to worry about things getting messy. But make sure if you are stealing something frozen like shrimp or chicken nuggets or burritos or something, do it last so that it doesn't have time to thaw out and make a mess.
3. DINE AND DASH: This was covered in detail in my post "Dine and Dash Tips and Tricks."
4. PEOPLE'S HOMES: I don't mean breaking in to random people's houses and stealing food, I mean going to people you know. If you know them (friends or family or whatever), then you can likely get some food from them. Either give them a sob story about how hungry you are, and they'll probably feed you. If they leave you at their house alone, to watch their pets or something, then browse the cabinets. You could also get a roll or two of toilet paper, some paper towels, even silverware. Take little bits at a time, don't get greedy. People might not miss one pack of p0pt@rt$ missing, but if a whole brand new box disappears, then they will get suspicious. Be careful if you do this, because once you lose their trust, you probably won't be invited back.
5. DISCOUNT STORES: These stores have lower prices than most big corporate stores, and little to no cameras. This means you can save a lot of money by buying the discounted food and maybe shoplifting a couple things if you don't have the money for everything you need. Just be aware of the expiration dates on the foods, and try to get things that aren't too beat up. You can get really sick from food in dented or rusted cans, because dents and rust can break the seal letting in bacteria and air. As a general rule, don't buy food that's more than a month or so expired. Use common sense. If something seems nasty or like it may be spoiled, don't buy it. It's a waste of money to buy food that's already gone to shit. Now, if it's something like rice, or pasta, or canned foods in cans that are still decent looking, then it's most likely ok to eat long after the best by date. Be wary of "fresh" fruits and vegetables, meat, milk, and wheat products like cereal, bread, or oats. The produce has likely been sitting there for a long time, unless it's something that is in season. Generally speaking, if it's not in season it's probably not any good. Even the produce in normal stores are usually fucked up when it has to be shipped in from other states/countries, so the produce that got turned down is probably really shitty. Meat is usually out in a makeshift deli area or frozen. The deli meat could have been sitting out for longer than they will admit, and the meat in the freezer may have gone bad by being thawed and frozen over and over. The milk could be sour, so unless you want the shits, don't fuck with it. Wheat products attract bugs like weevils and such. No one wants to enjoy a bowl of cereal and then see a bug floating in the milk. I've bought a box of cereal at a discount store once and it was great until i got down to the crumbs in the bottom of the bag. I had eaten the entire bag by myself because no one else liked it, and in the bottom there was a huge ass roach just laying there all cozy in his sugar coated grave. There was really nothing I could do about it because I had already eaten the cereal, and discount stores usually don't have any kind of return policy or guarantees on their products. Just avoid anything that seems suspicious.
6. COUPONS: This isn't a tip for anyone who is lazy. To actually save money using coupons, it takes a lot of time and effort. Most coupons have stupid requirements, like "buy 3 get 1 5% off", or "your hundredth drink is on us." Sometimes, you have to buy a certain brand (usually the most expensive one). If it's not the brand or product you would normally buy, then the coupon is pretty much worthless and a scam to get you to use their product and spend your money. Online coupons are often better than paper ones, because you can find a coupon for something just by searching for it. Sometimes, you can get coupons online that give you things for free or really cheap, for example "free $ubw@y footlong meal if you buy a soda" or "50 cent sandwiches from 6-10." With these deals, it is usually just an issue of the time that the deal is valid. Some places have special deals but only at night or really early in the morning. Some places have deals but only if you buy specific things at a specific store. But online coupons can be paired with paper coupons to get really good prices. Combine these with whatever is on sale at the store, and you could potentially make money off of your purchase. Some people who are experienced at using coupons make a couple dollars off of their purchase because of careful calculations and planning. Also, people who would put the effort into using coupons are often seen as someone who is saving enough that they don't need to steal, so they won't suspect you as a shoplifter. Sometimes the extra effort can save you a lot of money. And you can save yourself time using apps on your phone that let you save coupons without having to print them off or carry around a big envelope of paper.
Enjoy your food, it always tastes better when it's free!
IllegalExpertGirl
Anyways, most people have been poor and hungry at some point in their lives. People don't get paid enough to support themselves or their families, and food is an expensive necessity. Thrift stores, yard sales, and hand-me-downs help with clothes, cheap/public housing can give you a roof over your head, but food stamps only go so far and no one gives away food. So how can you get enough food to support yourself. In these tips I will explain how to get food for little to no money (often the only cost is gas money).
So, here we go.
1. FAMILY REUNIONS: Whether they are your relatives or just some random family, you can get a shit ton of food for nothing except the gas money to get there. If they are your family, just give a sob story about how you're having "a hard time with money" and "need all the help you can get." Your family will load you up with all the leftovers from the reunion, especially if it is an outdoor, picnic type of reunion, because no one wants to be stuck rushing home to get the potato salad in the fridge. They may even throw in a few bucks to "help you get some food later." But don't abuse this because no relative is going to give you money constantly, and after a few years, they will start to question how you aren't on your feet yet.
Another way to get free food is to stop at a random family reunion. Look around for signs saying stuff like "Smith Family Reunion Pavilion C" or whatever. Stop in and act like you belong. If someone comes up and talks to you, just say you are dating someone and they told you to come to the reunion. Most likely, no one will want to offend you and cost their relative a relationship, so they will just let you go do your own thing. Most people don't even know all of the extended family, so they'll just assume you are related even if they don't recognize you. Eat to your hearts content, and be friendly. If you are rude to the "family" they may ask you to leave to avoid conflict or they may start to question who you really are. Just eat and interact a little. Offer to take some of the leftovers home. If you're lucky, the people will leave their dishes and serving spoons and stuff with you and ask you to return them when you see them next, meaning you now have new dishes and food for no cost. Keep a large cooler or two full of ice in your trunk/back seat to store the leftovers if you plan on hitting more than one reunion that day. No reason in wasting your gas to drive home and come back again.
2. SHOPLIFTING: Food almost never makes the door alarms go off, making it easy to get high end, expensive food for free. If you are still worried about the alarms going off, keep storage bags in your purse (the quart size freezer bags work well, unless you are getting something like big bags of cereal/snacks). You can hide the food packages in your bag, and go to the nearest, emptiest looking bathroom. Once inside, you can transfer all of the food from its original package to the freezer bags. Just be careful with how you dispose of the wrappings. Flush some, throw some in the trash (hide it in some rolled up toilet paper/paper towels/whatever), put some behind the toilets, etc. Just be careful not to clog the toilets, because if someone comes in to clean up and there's damp packaging all over the toilet and you were the only one to go in that bathroom, then you're fucked. Go for things that can easily be dumped out into your bag; frozen shrimp or popcorn chicken/nuggets, individually wrapped foods like burritos, fruit snacks, candy, drink pouches/boxes, the little individual boxes of cereal, and the microwave tv dinners. Most of these foods come in a big box, but the products inside are individually wrapped in their own packaging. This makes it easy to dump in your purse without having to worry about things getting messy. But make sure if you are stealing something frozen like shrimp or chicken nuggets or burritos or something, do it last so that it doesn't have time to thaw out and make a mess.
3. DINE AND DASH: This was covered in detail in my post "Dine and Dash Tips and Tricks."
4. PEOPLE'S HOMES: I don't mean breaking in to random people's houses and stealing food, I mean going to people you know. If you know them (friends or family or whatever), then you can likely get some food from them. Either give them a sob story about how hungry you are, and they'll probably feed you. If they leave you at their house alone, to watch their pets or something, then browse the cabinets. You could also get a roll or two of toilet paper, some paper towels, even silverware. Take little bits at a time, don't get greedy. People might not miss one pack of p0pt@rt$ missing, but if a whole brand new box disappears, then they will get suspicious. Be careful if you do this, because once you lose their trust, you probably won't be invited back.
5. DISCOUNT STORES: These stores have lower prices than most big corporate stores, and little to no cameras. This means you can save a lot of money by buying the discounted food and maybe shoplifting a couple things if you don't have the money for everything you need. Just be aware of the expiration dates on the foods, and try to get things that aren't too beat up. You can get really sick from food in dented or rusted cans, because dents and rust can break the seal letting in bacteria and air. As a general rule, don't buy food that's more than a month or so expired. Use common sense. If something seems nasty or like it may be spoiled, don't buy it. It's a waste of money to buy food that's already gone to shit. Now, if it's something like rice, or pasta, or canned foods in cans that are still decent looking, then it's most likely ok to eat long after the best by date. Be wary of "fresh" fruits and vegetables, meat, milk, and wheat products like cereal, bread, or oats. The produce has likely been sitting there for a long time, unless it's something that is in season. Generally speaking, if it's not in season it's probably not any good. Even the produce in normal stores are usually fucked up when it has to be shipped in from other states/countries, so the produce that got turned down is probably really shitty. Meat is usually out in a makeshift deli area or frozen. The deli meat could have been sitting out for longer than they will admit, and the meat in the freezer may have gone bad by being thawed and frozen over and over. The milk could be sour, so unless you want the shits, don't fuck with it. Wheat products attract bugs like weevils and such. No one wants to enjoy a bowl of cereal and then see a bug floating in the milk. I've bought a box of cereal at a discount store once and it was great until i got down to the crumbs in the bottom of the bag. I had eaten the entire bag by myself because no one else liked it, and in the bottom there was a huge ass roach just laying there all cozy in his sugar coated grave. There was really nothing I could do about it because I had already eaten the cereal, and discount stores usually don't have any kind of return policy or guarantees on their products. Just avoid anything that seems suspicious.
6. COUPONS: This isn't a tip for anyone who is lazy. To actually save money using coupons, it takes a lot of time and effort. Most coupons have stupid requirements, like "buy 3 get 1 5% off", or "your hundredth drink is on us." Sometimes, you have to buy a certain brand (usually the most expensive one). If it's not the brand or product you would normally buy, then the coupon is pretty much worthless and a scam to get you to use their product and spend your money. Online coupons are often better than paper ones, because you can find a coupon for something just by searching for it. Sometimes, you can get coupons online that give you things for free or really cheap, for example "free $ubw@y footlong meal if you buy a soda" or "50 cent sandwiches from 6-10." With these deals, it is usually just an issue of the time that the deal is valid. Some places have special deals but only at night or really early in the morning. Some places have deals but only if you buy specific things at a specific store. But online coupons can be paired with paper coupons to get really good prices. Combine these with whatever is on sale at the store, and you could potentially make money off of your purchase. Some people who are experienced at using coupons make a couple dollars off of their purchase because of careful calculations and planning. Also, people who would put the effort into using coupons are often seen as someone who is saving enough that they don't need to steal, so they won't suspect you as a shoplifter. Sometimes the extra effort can save you a lot of money. And you can save yourself time using apps on your phone that let you save coupons without having to print them off or carry around a big envelope of paper.
Enjoy your food, it always tastes better when it's free!
IllegalExpertGirl
Dine and Dash Tips and Tricks
I am going to say this up front:
DO NOT STEAL FROM SMALL MOM AND POP BUSINESSES/RESTAURANTS!
These people are likely in the same situation as you when it comes to needing money, and often if someone leaves without paying, the employees have to pay for the meal out of their tips. Mom and Pop businesses are not part of a big corporation, AKA the businesses screwing people over for their own selfish greedy profits. They are just normal people like yourself that are trying to make a living. Yes, if you go to a Mom and Pop shop, it will likely be more expensive than other places, but not as expensive and over charged as the big businesses. Go for the big businesses; W@lm@rt, McD0n@ld's, T@rget, Rutter$, $heetz, whatever. Those big stores mark up the price on EVERYTHING! It doesn't matter how much they guarantee "lowest prices" or "best deals" around, everything is marked upwards of 100-400%! It costs less than 1 penny to produce a liter of soda, and you are getting charged more than 100 times that in the big stores. Fuck the corporate bastards and save your hard-earned money. Why order something and spend 30 something dollars for a small meal when you can eat just as well for little to no money using these tips.
1. Know the employees. I know I said in the shoplifting post that you shouldn't steal close to home, but if you know one of the employees personally, then they will likely not stop you if you try to leave without paying. Just make sure you know that they aren't really desperate to have the income from the job in case you both get caught, because there is always a risk that you get arrested and they get fired.
2. Buy something along with your "purchase". Order your food, then walk around the store while you wait. If there are more than one checkout areas, then walk past the second area. This way, if you are questioned about if you paid, you can say you paid at the other counter. Once your food is done and you pick it up, go get a drink or something. Don't spend 10 bucks on something random, but make sure you have something to wash down your savings. Go to the front counter and pay for your drink, making sure you keep the bag down at your side so the employee can't really see it. Once you pay for your drink, get the fuck out of there. The longer you stay, the longer the employees have to catch on that you're stealing. And if you can, wait around the store until there is a shift change. The employees who say you get the food will no longer be there to watch and see if you paid or not. The employees who are coming in to work will probably assume that you paid on the last shift and not question you. Try to learn the shift changes; ask the manager about which shifts they have because you know someone who is "interested in a job" there but doesn't know what shift they would be able to work.
3. Don't sit there and fuck around. It's called "Dine and Dash", not "Dine and Sit and Fuck Around Like a Dumbass". Get your food, and get out. If you are in an actual restaurant, like Ho$$'$ or an All You Can Eat Buffet or somewhere like that then don't wait until you get the check to try to leave. Once you get the check, they are trying to hint on to you that "you've been there long enough, get out". This means that they will be back fast to get your money and get you out of there. Leave before the check comes, pretend you are going out to your car to get your wallet, or going to the bathroom. While they think you're innocently doing something, you can haul your ass out of there.
4. Don't do anything that will make you stand out. You want to look like the most average, run-of-the-mill person you possibly can. Wear neutral colors, but not black. Go for boring grey or brown, and have your hair and face look "average" too; no extravagant hairstyles or bold makeup. Just go online and look up "Average white/black/hispanic/whatever person" and make yourself look stereotypical. For example, no employee is gonna tell the police that you looked like "every other black dude". Make it as hard as possible to find something that stands out. Take extra precautions if you aren't the average height or weight. Everyone is gonna remember the 6'8" dude, or the "midget". Even if you look average, being really fat or really skinny can make it easier to identify you. Just do everything you can to blend in with the common sheeple.
5. Don't go crazy with the spending unless you know what you're doing. The more you spend, the higher priority you are to the employees. Face it, rich people get better treatment in our society, and if you order like you are going to spend a lot, you will be treated "nicer". This won't be nice to you though. The employees will be told to make sure they get your order/refills first, and you will have someone lurking around your table for the entire meal, just waiting to get you more soda or some more fries. This extra attention will make it much harder for you to just get up and get out. You'll have to get through a pack of crazed employees trying to claim your big tip. This goes into my next tip.
6. Don't spend too little. First of all, what's the point of Dining and Dashing if you wouldn't have spend more than 5 bucks in the first place. Get your "money's" worth, but don't over do it. Again with stereotypes, poor people are seen as thieves and you will likely get shitty service. You will probably end up with at least one employee watching you the entire time if you "seem poor" or like a thief. You want to try to "spend" what someone would normally spend on average, like maybe 20-30 bucks depending on how many people are there with you. This goes on in another tip.
7. Size matters. If you eat alone, the employees will likely try to make you "feel better" about being lonely. On the contrary, if you bring 20 other people with you, it's harder to get everyone out before the employees' notice that people are escaping. Try to stick to pairs or small groups, like maybe up to 4 or 5 people. Any more than that will just be an extra hassle. Also, more people means more chances of mistakes, like accidentally showing your face to a camera, or recognizing one of the employees.
8. Free refreshments. Fill up your pockets with the free mints, or toothpicks, or whatever. Bring a purse in (if you are a girl or maybe even if you're a very stereo-typically "gay" looking man) and load it up as much as you can with food. Often times you can get enough food in a purse that it wouldn't be a big deal if you end up paying for the meal. Line your purse with wire to keep it upright and looking like there's something in it (or use a purse that sits up on its own). This will make it easier to slip food in, and the employees won't see an empty bag try to leave bloated full of food. Line your purse with either a large plastic storage bag or just wrap the inside really well with tin foil or plastic wrap. This lining is mostly to keep any food juices from soaking through and revealing your secret (and destroying the bag) and to keep any dirt or lint off of your food. No one wants to snack on linty fries or dirty chicken strips. Make sure that if you do end up paying (due to getting caught or just backing out or whatever) that you get your money's worth. You worked hard for your money, and everything at restaurants is so expensive just so the corporate pigs can line their own pockets. Make sure you have a small jacket or hat or something big enough to cover the top of your purse without taking up too much room. This way you can cover up the top of the bag (if it doesn't zip closed) and hide all the goodies inside. It will also help hold all of the food inside if the bag is starting to overflow (which is not recommended to do, don't go crazy, crazy gets you caught). If you are trying to walk out with 20 dinner rolls falling out of your bag, you will likely get pulled aside and checked. And it is VERY ILLEGAL to try to take food home from an All You Can Eat Buffet type restaurant. Sometimes if you ask nicely, the employees will allow you to take home what is left on your plate, unless you just filled it up to the point of overflowing and are trying to take it home. But if there's only like half a cup of rice and an eggroll left, then you will probably be allowed to take it home without sneaking around. But if you get caught trying to take something home, it doesn't matter if it's just an extra cookie for the road, the cops WILL be called and you WILL get arrested. And you will likely be banned from coming back into the restaurant ever again.
9. CRAZY GETS YOU CAUGHT! Don't overdo it, regardless of how experienced or talented you are. Just about everyone gets caught at some point, and don't think you're "too good" to get caught. Once you start getting cocky, you start making stupid mistakes. I know, it can be hard to control yourself, especially if you think you're doing really well. Overconfidence leads to fines and jail time. I don't care if you've been shoplifting/dine&dashing/stealing/whatever for your entire life. Times change, and people get smart. The tricks you used when you were fifteen won't work when you're fifty. Back "in the day," there weren't cameras every 10 feet in stores, and it was much easier to get away with stealing. But nowadays, you are watched 24/7 even if you're doing absolutely nothing wrong. The authorities are like your strict parents, and the corporations are like your tattletale siblings doing everything in their power to get you in trouble. This is because the corporations get money from the fines you pay. Once you get in trouble, you will likely see more than a 500 dollar fine, and all of the poor little babies get a piece.
10. If you've been caught at one place stealing, don't be a fucking idiot. Once you've been caught, they likely have a picture of you from either the cops or from the cameras around the store. This means that the employees will be on the lookout for you even if you didn't do/aren't going to do anything wrong. And often if you are apprehended at one store, your picture will be copied and sent out to every other store in the area in case you have/are trying to steal from them as well. Someone I know got arrested and fined because they shoplifted from the same store that they had their first offense at. Once you've been caught stealing somewhere, you should pretty much cross that store off your list of potential hits. Multiple hits mean multiple sightings, and the more someone sees you, the more they can remember. Even if you look like every other average sheeple, the employees will start seeing more little habits and tidbits about you, whether it's the freckles on your chest or your normal movements compared to your sneaky movements. It doesn't matter how sly you think you are, some people are just more observant than others. Just because one employee is stupidly blind to everything you do doesn't mean that none of the employees notice. A lot of LP's have a history of shoplifting/stealing and they decided to turn those skills into a career. They know all the tricks in the book (or web page) and they know what to look for.
All in all, don't be stupid when it comes to something that could potentially cost you more in fines than the items themselves.
IllegalExpertGirl
DO NOT STEAL FROM SMALL MOM AND POP BUSINESSES/RESTAURANTS!
These people are likely in the same situation as you when it comes to needing money, and often if someone leaves without paying, the employees have to pay for the meal out of their tips. Mom and Pop businesses are not part of a big corporation, AKA the businesses screwing people over for their own selfish greedy profits. They are just normal people like yourself that are trying to make a living. Yes, if you go to a Mom and Pop shop, it will likely be more expensive than other places, but not as expensive and over charged as the big businesses. Go for the big businesses; W@lm@rt, McD0n@ld's, T@rget, Rutter$, $heetz, whatever. Those big stores mark up the price on EVERYTHING! It doesn't matter how much they guarantee "lowest prices" or "best deals" around, everything is marked upwards of 100-400%! It costs less than 1 penny to produce a liter of soda, and you are getting charged more than 100 times that in the big stores. Fuck the corporate bastards and save your hard-earned money. Why order something and spend 30 something dollars for a small meal when you can eat just as well for little to no money using these tips.
1. Know the employees. I know I said in the shoplifting post that you shouldn't steal close to home, but if you know one of the employees personally, then they will likely not stop you if you try to leave without paying. Just make sure you know that they aren't really desperate to have the income from the job in case you both get caught, because there is always a risk that you get arrested and they get fired.
2. Buy something along with your "purchase". Order your food, then walk around the store while you wait. If there are more than one checkout areas, then walk past the second area. This way, if you are questioned about if you paid, you can say you paid at the other counter. Once your food is done and you pick it up, go get a drink or something. Don't spend 10 bucks on something random, but make sure you have something to wash down your savings. Go to the front counter and pay for your drink, making sure you keep the bag down at your side so the employee can't really see it. Once you pay for your drink, get the fuck out of there. The longer you stay, the longer the employees have to catch on that you're stealing. And if you can, wait around the store until there is a shift change. The employees who say you get the food will no longer be there to watch and see if you paid or not. The employees who are coming in to work will probably assume that you paid on the last shift and not question you. Try to learn the shift changes; ask the manager about which shifts they have because you know someone who is "interested in a job" there but doesn't know what shift they would be able to work.
3. Don't sit there and fuck around. It's called "Dine and Dash", not "Dine and Sit and Fuck Around Like a Dumbass". Get your food, and get out. If you are in an actual restaurant, like Ho$$'$ or an All You Can Eat Buffet or somewhere like that then don't wait until you get the check to try to leave. Once you get the check, they are trying to hint on to you that "you've been there long enough, get out". This means that they will be back fast to get your money and get you out of there. Leave before the check comes, pretend you are going out to your car to get your wallet, or going to the bathroom. While they think you're innocently doing something, you can haul your ass out of there.
4. Don't do anything that will make you stand out. You want to look like the most average, run-of-the-mill person you possibly can. Wear neutral colors, but not black. Go for boring grey or brown, and have your hair and face look "average" too; no extravagant hairstyles or bold makeup. Just go online and look up "Average white/black/hispanic/whatever person" and make yourself look stereotypical. For example, no employee is gonna tell the police that you looked like "every other black dude". Make it as hard as possible to find something that stands out. Take extra precautions if you aren't the average height or weight. Everyone is gonna remember the 6'8" dude, or the "midget". Even if you look average, being really fat or really skinny can make it easier to identify you. Just do everything you can to blend in with the common sheeple.
5. Don't go crazy with the spending unless you know what you're doing. The more you spend, the higher priority you are to the employees. Face it, rich people get better treatment in our society, and if you order like you are going to spend a lot, you will be treated "nicer". This won't be nice to you though. The employees will be told to make sure they get your order/refills first, and you will have someone lurking around your table for the entire meal, just waiting to get you more soda or some more fries. This extra attention will make it much harder for you to just get up and get out. You'll have to get through a pack of crazed employees trying to claim your big tip. This goes into my next tip.
6. Don't spend too little. First of all, what's the point of Dining and Dashing if you wouldn't have spend more than 5 bucks in the first place. Get your "money's" worth, but don't over do it. Again with stereotypes, poor people are seen as thieves and you will likely get shitty service. You will probably end up with at least one employee watching you the entire time if you "seem poor" or like a thief. You want to try to "spend" what someone would normally spend on average, like maybe 20-30 bucks depending on how many people are there with you. This goes on in another tip.
7. Size matters. If you eat alone, the employees will likely try to make you "feel better" about being lonely. On the contrary, if you bring 20 other people with you, it's harder to get everyone out before the employees' notice that people are escaping. Try to stick to pairs or small groups, like maybe up to 4 or 5 people. Any more than that will just be an extra hassle. Also, more people means more chances of mistakes, like accidentally showing your face to a camera, or recognizing one of the employees.
8. Free refreshments. Fill up your pockets with the free mints, or toothpicks, or whatever. Bring a purse in (if you are a girl or maybe even if you're a very stereo-typically "gay" looking man) and load it up as much as you can with food. Often times you can get enough food in a purse that it wouldn't be a big deal if you end up paying for the meal. Line your purse with wire to keep it upright and looking like there's something in it (or use a purse that sits up on its own). This will make it easier to slip food in, and the employees won't see an empty bag try to leave bloated full of food. Line your purse with either a large plastic storage bag or just wrap the inside really well with tin foil or plastic wrap. This lining is mostly to keep any food juices from soaking through and revealing your secret (and destroying the bag) and to keep any dirt or lint off of your food. No one wants to snack on linty fries or dirty chicken strips. Make sure that if you do end up paying (due to getting caught or just backing out or whatever) that you get your money's worth. You worked hard for your money, and everything at restaurants is so expensive just so the corporate pigs can line their own pockets. Make sure you have a small jacket or hat or something big enough to cover the top of your purse without taking up too much room. This way you can cover up the top of the bag (if it doesn't zip closed) and hide all the goodies inside. It will also help hold all of the food inside if the bag is starting to overflow (which is not recommended to do, don't go crazy, crazy gets you caught). If you are trying to walk out with 20 dinner rolls falling out of your bag, you will likely get pulled aside and checked. And it is VERY ILLEGAL to try to take food home from an All You Can Eat Buffet type restaurant. Sometimes if you ask nicely, the employees will allow you to take home what is left on your plate, unless you just filled it up to the point of overflowing and are trying to take it home. But if there's only like half a cup of rice and an eggroll left, then you will probably be allowed to take it home without sneaking around. But if you get caught trying to take something home, it doesn't matter if it's just an extra cookie for the road, the cops WILL be called and you WILL get arrested. And you will likely be banned from coming back into the restaurant ever again.
9. CRAZY GETS YOU CAUGHT! Don't overdo it, regardless of how experienced or talented you are. Just about everyone gets caught at some point, and don't think you're "too good" to get caught. Once you start getting cocky, you start making stupid mistakes. I know, it can be hard to control yourself, especially if you think you're doing really well. Overconfidence leads to fines and jail time. I don't care if you've been shoplifting/dine&dashing/stealing/whatever for your entire life. Times change, and people get smart. The tricks you used when you were fifteen won't work when you're fifty. Back "in the day," there weren't cameras every 10 feet in stores, and it was much easier to get away with stealing. But nowadays, you are watched 24/7 even if you're doing absolutely nothing wrong. The authorities are like your strict parents, and the corporations are like your tattletale siblings doing everything in their power to get you in trouble. This is because the corporations get money from the fines you pay. Once you get in trouble, you will likely see more than a 500 dollar fine, and all of the poor little babies get a piece.
10. If you've been caught at one place stealing, don't be a fucking idiot. Once you've been caught, they likely have a picture of you from either the cops or from the cameras around the store. This means that the employees will be on the lookout for you even if you didn't do/aren't going to do anything wrong. And often if you are apprehended at one store, your picture will be copied and sent out to every other store in the area in case you have/are trying to steal from them as well. Someone I know got arrested and fined because they shoplifted from the same store that they had their first offense at. Once you've been caught stealing somewhere, you should pretty much cross that store off your list of potential hits. Multiple hits mean multiple sightings, and the more someone sees you, the more they can remember. Even if you look like every other average sheeple, the employees will start seeing more little habits and tidbits about you, whether it's the freckles on your chest or your normal movements compared to your sneaky movements. It doesn't matter how sly you think you are, some people are just more observant than others. Just because one employee is stupidly blind to everything you do doesn't mean that none of the employees notice. A lot of LP's have a history of shoplifting/stealing and they decided to turn those skills into a career. They know all the tricks in the book (or web page) and they know what to look for.
All in all, don't be stupid when it comes to something that could potentially cost you more in fines than the items themselves.
IllegalExpertGirl
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