Have you ever been poor? Have you ever been hungry? If you're on my blog, then the answers to both of those are most likely yes, unless you're some rich asshole who just steals for the hell of it or a cop/LP trying to learn what to look for.
Anyways, most people have been poor and hungry at some point in their lives. People don't get paid enough to support themselves or their families, and food is an expensive necessity. Thrift stores, yard sales, and hand-me-downs help with clothes, cheap/public housing can give you a roof over your head, but food stamps only go so far and no one gives away food. So how can you get enough food to support yourself. In these tips I will explain how to get food for little to no money (often the only cost is gas money).
So, here we go.
1. FAMILY REUNIONS: Whether they are your relatives or just some random family, you can get a shit ton of food for nothing except the gas money to get there. If they are your family, just give a sob story about how you're having "a hard time with money" and "need all the help you can get." Your family will load you up with all the leftovers from the reunion, especially if it is an outdoor, picnic type of reunion, because no one wants to be stuck rushing home to get the potato salad in the fridge. They may even throw in a few bucks to "help you get some food later." But don't abuse this because no relative is going to give you money constantly, and after a few years, they will start to question how you aren't on your feet yet.
Another way to get free food is to stop at a random family reunion. Look around for signs saying stuff like "Smith Family Reunion Pavilion C" or whatever. Stop in and act like you belong. If someone comes up and talks to you, just say you are dating someone and they told you to come to the reunion. Most likely, no one will want to offend you and cost their relative a relationship, so they will just let you go do your own thing. Most people don't even know all of the extended family, so they'll just assume you are related even if they don't recognize you. Eat to your hearts content, and be friendly. If you are rude to the "family" they may ask you to leave to avoid conflict or they may start to question who you really are. Just eat and interact a little. Offer to take some of the leftovers home. If you're lucky, the people will leave their dishes and serving spoons and stuff with you and ask you to return them when you see them next, meaning you now have new dishes and food for no cost. Keep a large cooler or two full of ice in your trunk/back seat to store the leftovers if you plan on hitting more than one reunion that day. No reason in wasting your gas to drive home and come back again.
2. SHOPLIFTING: Food almost never makes the door alarms go off, making it easy to get high end, expensive food for free. If you are still worried about the alarms going off, keep storage bags in your purse (the quart size freezer bags work well, unless you are getting something like big bags of cereal/snacks). You can hide the food packages in your bag, and go to the nearest, emptiest looking bathroom. Once inside, you can transfer all of the food from its original package to the freezer bags. Just be careful with how you dispose of the wrappings. Flush some, throw some in the trash (hide it in some rolled up toilet paper/paper towels/whatever), put some behind the toilets, etc. Just be careful not to clog the toilets, because if someone comes in to clean up and there's damp packaging all over the toilet and you were the only one to go in that bathroom, then you're fucked. Go for things that can easily be dumped out into your bag; frozen shrimp or popcorn chicken/nuggets, individually wrapped foods like burritos, fruit snacks, candy, drink pouches/boxes, the little individual boxes of cereal, and the microwave tv dinners. Most of these foods come in a big box, but the products inside are individually wrapped in their own packaging. This makes it easy to dump in your purse without having to worry about things getting messy. But make sure if you are stealing something frozen like shrimp or chicken nuggets or burritos or something, do it last so that it doesn't have time to thaw out and make a mess.
3. DINE AND DASH: This was covered in detail in my post "Dine and Dash Tips and Tricks."
4. PEOPLE'S HOMES: I don't mean breaking in to random people's houses and stealing food, I mean going to people you know. If you know them (friends or family or whatever), then you can likely get some food from them. Either give them a sob story about how hungry you are, and they'll probably feed you. If they leave you at their house alone, to watch their pets or something, then browse the cabinets. You could also get a roll or two of toilet paper, some paper towels, even silverware. Take little bits at a time, don't get greedy. People might not miss one pack of p0pt@rt$ missing, but if a whole brand new box disappears, then they will get suspicious. Be careful if you do this, because once you lose their trust, you probably won't be invited back.
5. DISCOUNT STORES: These stores have lower prices than most big corporate stores, and little to no cameras. This means you can save a lot of money by buying the discounted food and maybe shoplifting a couple things if you don't have the money for everything you need. Just be aware of the expiration dates on the foods, and try to get things that aren't too beat up. You can get really sick from food in dented or rusted cans, because dents and rust can break the seal letting in bacteria and air. As a general rule, don't buy food that's more than a month or so expired. Use common sense. If something seems nasty or like it may be spoiled, don't buy it. It's a waste of money to buy food that's already gone to shit. Now, if it's something like rice, or pasta, or canned foods in cans that are still decent looking, then it's most likely ok to eat long after the best by date. Be wary of "fresh" fruits and vegetables, meat, milk, and wheat products like cereal, bread, or oats. The produce has likely been sitting there for a long time, unless it's something that is in season. Generally speaking, if it's not in season it's probably not any good. Even the produce in normal stores are usually fucked up when it has to be shipped in from other states/countries, so the produce that got turned down is probably really shitty. Meat is usually out in a makeshift deli area or frozen. The deli meat could have been sitting out for longer than they will admit, and the meat in the freezer may have gone bad by being thawed and frozen over and over. The milk could be sour, so unless you want the shits, don't fuck with it. Wheat products attract bugs like weevils and such. No one wants to enjoy a bowl of cereal and then see a bug floating in the milk. I've bought a box of cereal at a discount store once and it was great until i got down to the crumbs in the bottom of the bag. I had eaten the entire bag by myself because no one else liked it, and in the bottom there was a huge ass roach just laying there all cozy in his sugar coated grave. There was really nothing I could do about it because I had already eaten the cereal, and discount stores usually don't have any kind of return policy or guarantees on their products. Just avoid anything that seems suspicious.
6. COUPONS: This isn't a tip for anyone who is lazy. To actually save money using coupons, it takes a lot of time and effort. Most coupons have stupid requirements, like "buy 3 get 1 5% off", or "your hundredth drink is on us." Sometimes, you have to buy a certain brand (usually the most expensive one). If it's not the brand or product you would normally buy, then the coupon is pretty much worthless and a scam to get you to use their product and spend your money. Online coupons are often better than paper ones, because you can find a coupon for something just by searching for it. Sometimes, you can get coupons online that give you things for free or really cheap, for example "free $ubw@y footlong meal if you buy a soda" or "50 cent sandwiches from 6-10." With these deals, it is usually just an issue of the time that the deal is valid. Some places have special deals but only at night or really early in the morning. Some places have deals but only if you buy specific things at a specific store. But online coupons can be paired with paper coupons to get really good prices. Combine these with whatever is on sale at the store, and you could potentially make money off of your purchase. Some people who are experienced at using coupons make a couple dollars off of their purchase because of careful calculations and planning. Also, people who would put the effort into using coupons are often seen as someone who is saving enough that they don't need to steal, so they won't suspect you as a shoplifter. Sometimes the extra effort can save you a lot of money. And you can save yourself time using apps on your phone that let you save coupons without having to print them off or carry around a big envelope of paper.
Enjoy your food, it always tastes better when it's free!
IllegalExpertGirl
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