I am going to say this up front:
DO NOT STEAL FROM SMALL MOM AND POP BUSINESSES/RESTAURANTS!
These people are likely in the same situation as you when it comes to needing money, and often if someone leaves without paying, the employees have to pay for the meal out of their tips. Mom and Pop businesses are not part of a big corporation, AKA the businesses screwing people over for their own selfish greedy profits. They are just normal people like yourself that are trying to make a living. Yes, if you go to a Mom and Pop shop, it will likely be more expensive than other places, but not as expensive and over charged as the big businesses. Go for the big businesses; W@lm@rt, McD0n@ld's, T@rget, Rutter$, $heetz, whatever. Those big stores mark up the price on EVERYTHING! It doesn't matter how much they guarantee "lowest prices" or "best deals" around, everything is marked upwards of 100-400%! It costs less than 1 penny to produce a liter of soda, and you are getting charged more than 100 times that in the big stores. Fuck the corporate bastards and save your hard-earned money. Why order something and spend 30 something dollars for a small meal when you can eat just as well for little to no money using these tips.
1. Know the employees. I know I said in the shoplifting post that you shouldn't steal close to home, but if you know one of the employees personally, then they will likely not stop you if you try to leave without paying. Just make sure you know that they aren't really desperate to have the income from the job in case you both get caught, because there is always a risk that you get arrested and they get fired.
2. Buy something along with your "purchase". Order your food, then walk around the store while you wait. If there are more than one checkout areas, then walk past the second area. This way, if you are questioned about if you paid, you can say you paid at the other counter. Once your food is done and you pick it up, go get a drink or something. Don't spend 10 bucks on something random, but make sure you have something to wash down your savings. Go to the front counter and pay for your drink, making sure you keep the bag down at your side so the employee can't really see it. Once you pay for your drink, get the fuck out of there. The longer you stay, the longer the employees have to catch on that you're stealing. And if you can, wait around the store until there is a shift change. The employees who say you get the food will no longer be there to watch and see if you paid or not. The employees who are coming in to work will probably assume that you paid on the last shift and not question you. Try to learn the shift changes; ask the manager about which shifts they have because you know someone who is "interested in a job" there but doesn't know what shift they would be able to work.
3. Don't sit there and fuck around. It's called "Dine and Dash", not "Dine and Sit and Fuck Around Like a Dumbass". Get your food, and get out. If you are in an actual restaurant, like Ho$$'$ or an All You Can Eat Buffet or somewhere like that then don't wait until you get the check to try to leave. Once you get the check, they are trying to hint on to you that "you've been there long enough, get out". This means that they will be back fast to get your money and get you out of there. Leave before the check comes, pretend you are going out to your car to get your wallet, or going to the bathroom. While they think you're innocently doing something, you can haul your ass out of there.
4. Don't do anything that will make you stand out. You want to look like the most average, run-of-the-mill person you possibly can. Wear neutral colors, but not black. Go for boring grey or brown, and have your hair and face look "average" too; no extravagant hairstyles or bold makeup. Just go online and look up "Average white/black/hispanic/whatever person" and make yourself look stereotypical. For example, no employee is gonna tell the police that you looked like "every other black dude". Make it as hard as possible to find something that stands out. Take extra precautions if you aren't the average height or weight. Everyone is gonna remember the 6'8" dude, or the "midget". Even if you look average, being really fat or really skinny can make it easier to identify you. Just do everything you can to blend in with the common sheeple.
5. Don't go crazy with the spending unless you know what you're doing. The more you spend, the higher priority you are to the employees. Face it, rich people get better treatment in our society, and if you order like you are going to spend a lot, you will be treated "nicer". This won't be nice to you though. The employees will be told to make sure they get your order/refills first, and you will have someone lurking around your table for the entire meal, just waiting to get you more soda or some more fries. This extra attention will make it much harder for you to just get up and get out. You'll have to get through a pack of crazed employees trying to claim your big tip. This goes into my next tip.
6. Don't spend too little. First of all, what's the point of Dining and Dashing if you wouldn't have spend more than 5 bucks in the first place. Get your "money's" worth, but don't over do it. Again with stereotypes, poor people are seen as thieves and you will likely get shitty service. You will probably end up with at least one employee watching you the entire time if you "seem poor" or like a thief. You want to try to "spend" what someone would normally spend on average, like maybe 20-30 bucks depending on how many people are there with you. This goes on in another tip.
7. Size matters. If you eat alone, the employees will likely try to make you "feel better" about being lonely. On the contrary, if you bring 20 other people with you, it's harder to get everyone out before the employees' notice that people are escaping. Try to stick to pairs or small groups, like maybe up to 4 or 5 people. Any more than that will just be an extra hassle. Also, more people means more chances of mistakes, like accidentally showing your face to a camera, or recognizing one of the employees.
8. Free refreshments. Fill up your pockets with the free mints, or toothpicks, or whatever. Bring a purse in (if you are a girl or maybe even if you're a very stereo-typically "gay" looking man) and load it up as much as you can with food. Often times you can get enough food in a purse that it wouldn't be a big deal if you end up paying for the meal. Line your purse with wire to keep it upright and looking like there's something in it (or use a purse that sits up on its own). This will make it easier to slip food in, and the employees won't see an empty bag try to leave bloated full of food. Line your purse with either a large plastic storage bag or just wrap the inside really well with tin foil or plastic wrap. This lining is mostly to keep any food juices from soaking through and revealing your secret (and destroying the bag) and to keep any dirt or lint off of your food. No one wants to snack on linty fries or dirty chicken strips. Make sure that if you do end up paying (due to getting caught or just backing out or whatever) that you get your money's worth. You worked hard for your money, and everything at restaurants is so expensive just so the corporate pigs can line their own pockets. Make sure you have a small jacket or hat or something big enough to cover the top of your purse without taking up too much room. This way you can cover up the top of the bag (if it doesn't zip closed) and hide all the goodies inside. It will also help hold all of the food inside if the bag is starting to overflow (which is not recommended to do, don't go crazy, crazy gets you caught). If you are trying to walk out with 20 dinner rolls falling out of your bag, you will likely get pulled aside and checked. And it is VERY ILLEGAL to try to take food home from an All You Can Eat Buffet type restaurant. Sometimes if you ask nicely, the employees will allow you to take home what is left on your plate, unless you just filled it up to the point of overflowing and are trying to take it home. But if there's only like half a cup of rice and an eggroll left, then you will probably be allowed to take it home without sneaking around. But if you get caught trying to take something home, it doesn't matter if it's just an extra cookie for the road, the cops WILL be called and you WILL get arrested. And you will likely be banned from coming back into the restaurant ever again.
9. CRAZY GETS YOU CAUGHT! Don't overdo it, regardless of how experienced or talented you are. Just about everyone gets caught at some point, and don't think you're "too good" to get caught. Once you start getting cocky, you start making stupid mistakes. I know, it can be hard to control yourself, especially if you think you're doing really well. Overconfidence leads to fines and jail time. I don't care if you've been shoplifting/dine&dashing/stealing/whatever for your entire life. Times change, and people get smart. The tricks you used when you were fifteen won't work when you're fifty. Back "in the day," there weren't cameras every 10 feet in stores, and it was much easier to get away with stealing. But nowadays, you are watched 24/7 even if you're doing absolutely nothing wrong. The authorities are like your strict parents, and the corporations are like your tattletale siblings doing everything in their power to get you in trouble. This is because the corporations get money from the fines you pay. Once you get in trouble, you will likely see more than a 500 dollar fine, and all of the poor little babies get a piece.
10. If you've been caught at one place stealing, don't be a fucking idiot. Once you've been caught, they likely have a picture of you from either the cops or from the cameras around the store. This means that the employees will be on the lookout for you even if you didn't do/aren't going to do anything wrong. And often if you are apprehended at one store, your picture will be copied and sent out to every other store in the area in case you have/are trying to steal from them as well. Someone I know got arrested and fined because they shoplifted from the same store that they had their first offense at. Once you've been caught stealing somewhere, you should pretty much cross that store off your list of potential hits. Multiple hits mean multiple sightings, and the more someone sees you, the more they can remember. Even if you look like every other average sheeple, the employees will start seeing more little habits and tidbits about you, whether it's the freckles on your chest or your normal movements compared to your sneaky movements. It doesn't matter how sly you think you are, some people are just more observant than others. Just because one employee is stupidly blind to everything you do doesn't mean that none of the employees notice. A lot of LP's have a history of shoplifting/stealing and they decided to turn those skills into a career. They know all the tricks in the book (or web page) and they know what to look for.
All in all, don't be stupid when it comes to something that could potentially cost you more in fines than the items themselves.
IllegalExpertGirl
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